Page 55 of Toy No More

“I know you have to work. I’m not stupid,” he says. Sharply, I look up to see his begrudging frown. “I just don’t want you to disappear forever like Mom did. Sometimes I’m scared you will.”

I stop massaging his hands abruptly. “I wouldnever. You know I would never.”

Skyler averts his gaze. “You can’t promise that sort of thing,” he mumbles. The realization hits me that I, indeed, can’t in good conscience promise him that. In my line of work, especially. A sad reality I try to ignore as much as I can. Even worse, Skyler is aware of that. I’d rather him stay a clueless kid for a while longer…

“I try my best, Sky.”

His expression is marked with determination. “I do, too.”

Smirking, I cup the side of his face in my hand and stare at him, wondering where the time has gone. “You know what Marci says—we can fail, but we should never stop trying.”

“She never fails at anything,” he says, rolling back his eyes. The tone of his voice is somewhat lighter, making me smile. If only he understood Marci saying that is for her more about pushing through every day without losing hope, living with a chronic disease, rather than the more trivial things.

As if in reaction to my pensive expression, Skyler frowns and jerks away from my touch, even if his annoyance doesn’t seem entirely serious. “I’m not a baby. Stop inflant…infal…inf…” Pausing, he groans with frustration, darting his eyes somewhere behind me while moving his lips as he tries to reach for the word escaping him.

I chuckle. “Infantilizing?” I propose in a gentle, non-patronizing way.

“That,” Skyler mumbles, giving me a disgruntled smirk as a thanks.

I feel myself relax at the pleasant change in the atmosphere between us, at least until my eyes randomly pass across the clock on the wall and I notice the time has passed much faster than I thought.

“Shit,” I curse under my breath. “I…I gotta go back to work.” And Isodon’t want to. For a moment there, I forgot about everything happening outside. About the present and the past and my responsibilities. Only being with Skyler could do that to me. Ever since Mom brought him home, I saw that little face of his, and his tiny fingers wrapped around my thumb like they were never gonna let go.

“It’s fine. I’m fine,” he says bravely, expanding his chest with a deep inhale. “Really.”

I still feel horrible about having to leave. “Does it hurt a lot?” I ask, glancing at the wound.

“I’m trying to ignore it. Nurse said my head will hurt for a while.”

I stand up. Unable to resist, I rub my hand in his spiky, short hair like I used to when he was younger, taking care not to touch the spot. “Alright. You’re not a baby, so…I’ll believe you. Marci has her treatment today, don’t forget. She’ll need some peace and quiet when she’s home, okay? So please, help her and listen to what she says when you get back. I can count on you, even if you’re in a bit of pain, right?”

“Yeaaah,” he lets out the sound of a typical teenager lacking in enthusiasm. “I know.”

I bump his shoulder with my fist before stepping away. “And please, stay clear of paperweights from now on.” Skyler tries, but he can’t resist smiling, despite flashing me that annoyed expression. “And maybe from Dylan, just in case.”

“He says the dumbest things sometimes.”

The ticking hand of the clock has moved even further in those few moments, making me anxiously shift on my feet. “We all do sometimes. I’m gonna get you little something on my way home to make you feel better. But I’m not sure when I’ll be finished with work.”

I notice the disappointment flash behind his eyes when I say that. His shoulders sink somewhat. “Okay.”

“Alright, bud. See you soon.” I pat him one more time and head for the door. Hopefully, Jasper lets me return home today after what I pulled. Either way, it was worth it.

Whatever relief I got from the nice brotherly moment with Skyler has pretty much evaporated by the time I get out of the car outside the Dollhouse. I order my body to stop betraying me, to stop making me shake like some wet cat, even if I know that’s exactly what I’ll be in a few moments, standing in front of Jasper and his doberman-like aura.

I check my phone again on my way to the office. No new messages, no calls.

A group of guys pass me on the stairs, barely paying me any attention. Hopefully that means thereisn’ta kill order on my head.

Once I’m on the top floor, I proceed toward the door at the end. It almost seems to get smaller and smaller, some mirage of my eternally overthinking mind. Gibbs keeps guard outside, standing there with a bored expression, but not on his phone like most would. He doesn’t look at me as though I’m an enemy of the state, either.

This is fine. Everything is going to be fine.

“Is he in?” I ask, pleased at the fact that my voice is actually steady. Gibbs nods, knocks on the door for me, and steps out of the way.

After another steadying breath, I step in the second I hear the agreeable sound from inside. Jasper sits in his chair, leaning back with a leg hanging over his desk. He tilts his head curiously to the side when his eyes find me. A smirk flashes across his face.

“Boss,” I say, bowing my head. I close the door behind me and come closer. “Can I have a moment? It’s about—”

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