Page 71 of Toy No More

“Kobe’s a good person. That’s-that’s all there is to it. There’s nothing more. He wants nothing more. I want nothing more. He just—” I stop to prevent my voice from cracking. With a sharp inhale, I blink and look into his eyes again, even if it feels like he could break my neck at any moment. “I know you must be hurting because of your father, b-but it gives you no right to do something like that toanyone.”

Jasper blinks in surprise before letting me go with a hearty laughter. As it echoes in the room, I use the table to get my footing and look up at him, confused. The way that sound bubbles in his throat, so genuine and unrestrained, sends shivers down my spine.

“Oh, Apollo…” He continues chuckling as he shakes his head and slowly approaches me from around the table. “Are you that fucking stupid or that naïve? Which one is it, huh?”

I draw my brows together and part my lips.What…does he mean?

He stops right before me, sneering. “Ikilled him, Apollo. I staged the attack on his home and had that pompous mansion burned to the ground and everyone loyal to him with it.” The pure satisfaction at my horror grows on his face with every word that comes out of his mouth. “I finally fucking took what’s mine and showed that arrogant old fuck who’s the better man. A better leader.”

My breath hitches in my throat.

I stare at the creature wearing the skin of a person I fell in love with. The one who looked at me like I was an actual human being after so many saw only an object. The man who gave me hope, who pulled me out of the worst of my addiction, forced me to overcome it for my own good, and then gave my life a purpose with his love.

“And this,” he snarls, grabbing me roughly by the shoulder so I can’t escape like he knows I want to, “is that fucking face I already told you I hate!” My eyes won’t stop filling with tears and my lip won’t stop quivering as if I’m a pathetic child. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m weak and can’t handle any of this. “You’re free to leave, Apollo,” he says with such vitriol that it makes my heart skip a beat. “You’re not a fucking slave. There’s no leash. Leave me if I’m such an immoral monster. Go!” Jasper pushes me away, throwing out his arms.

“Th-that’s not what I—”

“Go and see what you can make of yourself in the world alone. Test out your chances without me. Do you really think you could ever be more? That you’d last long before you’re nothing but some homeless, pathetic cum rag of a junkie again?”

Those words cut deep, slicing right into my heart, and that wound lets terror and hopelessness flood me until there’s nothing else.

I hold my mouth open, feeling the burning tears roll down my cheeks, while I see that horrible future in front of my eyes. The future I’ve always feared. I see it as clear as day—my abused, skeletal body, lying lifelessly on some bug-ridden mattress inside a rundown building, a needle next to me.

Deep down, I always knew that awaited me before Jasper. I was always going to end up that way, no matter how hard I tried. That was my fate.

“I-I don’t want to leave you,” I blurt, shaking my head. My vision blurs with tears, making Jasper’s face twist and distort just like it is in my heart. “I never said I want-wanted to leave you. I was just angry, I…”

Hyperventilating, I hang my head down, desperately trying to wipe that horrible vision of the future off my mind, but it won’t go.

“I’m sorry, I was just—”

Someone’s body presses against me, enclosing me in a firm hug. Warm, safe. “Shhh,” he hums over me, running his fingers through my hair. Releasing one more pathetic whimper, I sink into Jasper, letting myself believe that I’m safe and okay. “I know.”

Maybe deep down, executing this plot really did rattle him. He must have felt at least some love for his father. That’s why he was acting the way he was. That’s why he would say all those horrendous things, why he would attack me like that. He was upset, and I came in shouting at him.

That’s the reason for my suffering.

Jasper pulls away from the hug, and I follow after his body, starved by that sudden distance. With a faint smile, he runs his thumb over my dewy cheek and wipes off the tears. He gazes at me softly again, and in that moment, I can hardly remember the cruel way he looked at me before.

I don’t want to remember it. What matters is that he’s back to himself.

“I do this all for us, you know? For you,” he whispers while running his finger lower, brushing it against my upper lip. “Whether you think my methods are going too far, in the end, all this work is so that you can one day live a life of nothing but pleasure and luxury. When I achieve what I’ve set myself to achieve, and there’s nobody to challenge or threaten us, we’ll never have to worry or struggle again. Isn’t that what you want, baby?”

I meet his focused eyes, trying to picture his vision.

My heart tells me that all I want is him. Even if we were poor, and none of this was here anymore, I would’ve only wanted my lover. The loving, supportive Jasper. But I know how much this means to him. To take care of me and provide for me. That’s how people like him show their love.

For me. He does it all…for me.

I nod, managing to smile.

“I love you, Apollo. You know I do,” he whispers before kissing me deeply. I jolt in surprise at first, but reciprocate his kiss quickly. This is what I wanted. He isn’t angry anymore. He’s not screaming or pushing me away. And if this is the way I can help ease whatever he’s going through, I will.

He withdraws and folds me over the table. I follow the motions—shifting my feet apart so that he can get to the back, leaning over my elbows, and pressing my palms into the wood under me.

“Don’t think about any of what happened,” he whispers into my ear while he sheds my clothes and steadies his cock against my entrance. “Think of today as a celebration. As the start of a new era. We’ve won. And I think I deserve a treat.” I feel his smile against my skin as he says that.

The tears still push against my eyes, perhaps remnants of the emotional turmoil from before.

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