Page 88 of Toy No More

He’s been recording…what, everything? In his office only? Is that why he always sits behind those monitors he lets no one else in front of?

My brain buzzes with ideas. This could change everything. This could be the proof the feds need. If this camera records imageandsound, how many others are there? All over the Dollhouse? Does he keep the recordings?

It makes sense. Studying his contented smirk, it makes complete sense for someone as obsessed with power and control to be recording everything that’s happening under his roof. And with how paranoid he can be, maybe he keeps an archive of these clips. This could completely ruin him.

Then, I fully compute what Jasper said right before my mind got fixated on the camera.Apollo.

My stomach clenches at the idea of him listening to this. I hate having to hurt him, but…there’s no other way. If I’m to protect him and keep him safe, he can’t know, and it’s better for him to believe I don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore. I guess it will be easier than having to talk to him in person. I’m not sure if I’d be able to lie as convincingly when faced with those gorgeous eyes that seem to light up every time they see me.

The agents were pretty clear about not telling anyone about the plan we were working on. The more people that know, the bigger the chance of it getting out or going awry. Still, I keep wondering if I should tell him.

Maybe this way is safer. After all, I have no idea how Apollo would react. Would he even be up for this? For…turning on the man he loves? The man who he lives with, who gave himeverything?No. He’s too indebted to Jasper and too in love with him to see through it and help me.

I have to do this alone. For him, for myself, for everybody.

“That’s all I wanted to say.” Playing the part of a good soldier, I nod as a thanks and wait for him to dismiss me. Jasper looks at me entirely differently than he did when I walked into the room mere minutes ago. Like everything slotted into place perfectly and he has full control of everyone under him again, he smiles, almost scarily, and waves his hand at me, letting me know I am free to go.

Even with the horrible weight of guilt at the bottom of my stomach, I can praise myself for averting this crisis.

Not having Jasper gunning for me will make digging around and doing whatever the feds need me to do much easier. The faster I do that, the faster this will end.

As I walk out of the office, I try to convince myself that Apollo won’t be as hurt by that recording as I would have been in his place. He’s told me since the beginning that what we have is nothing but some fun. Some kind of outlet for him to maybe let out the stress of doing this job. Jasper is his partner. His alpha. Us having sex a few times—no matter how incredibly, magically, crazily intimate it was—doesn’t change that fact.

That’s right. He’s going to be okay.

Chapter 24

Apollo

Acoldseaofprickling ice somehow stands between me and my own body. It separates me from my skin and I stand in the middle; a lone island. Isolated and raw.

I blink, trying to get away, back to reality, but it’s not working. The distant echoes of Kobe’s voice from the screen still carry in the blowing wind. They feel as surreal as this place I’m trapped in. I refuse to believe them. This recording Jasper presented me with that barely hidden joy behind his eyes isn’t real. It can’t be.

Then I try to examine it from afar and find myself unable to understand why I care so much.

Why do I feel so damn hurt? Why do I feel this pain?

Finally snapping back when Jasper runs his hand up my shoulder, I look at him. The video is paused on his screen, proving to me that it indeed isn’t something I made up in my head.

His fingers slowly glide through my hair until he pushes me closer and puts a kiss on the top of it. “This is the reason I didn’t want you to pursue this in the first place, doll,” he whispers, sounding well-meaning and tender. But it feels wrong. Off. Everything does. “You’d get disappointed. Waste time chasing shadows. Now, you don’t have to anymore. This is a good thing. We can focus on each other again, like it’s supposed to be.”

I find myself nodding, even if it’s far from what I really want to do.

What do I want to do? What am I doing?

My mind’s sore. A dull aching. Or maybe it isn’t my mind. Maybe it’s my stupid, foolish heart.

I make sure not to move away this time when Jasper kisses me on the neck. I let him stand behind me and wrap his hands around my waist. I don’t want to feel the same misery I did when he left the other night. I don’t want to feel any more worthless than I already do after watching that damn recording.

He said it with such ease. Such cold indifference. I can’t get that clip out of my head. Kobe who touched me so tenderly and looked at me with such softness, he…did that.

That goddamn bastard.

I squirm and let out a surprised gasp when I realize Jasper is taking me into his hand. A little flustered, I glance at him, his chin resting against my shoulder. He smiles while playing with my flaccid cock inside my pants, but the way he does and the lack of his own hardness pressing into me from the back tells me this isn’t one of his sudden bursts of selfish lust.

“We’re gonna go right to how things were before,” he whispers into my ear, voice all honeyed. “Everything will fall into place again. I won’t hold this against you.”

I can’t find the strength in me to do or feel much of anything. I only nod, putting up a half-genuine attempt at a smile. Jasper doesn’t seem to notice and keeps stroking me, slowly producing results. He knows how to touch me to achieve what he wants.

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