Page 98 of Toy No More

“Do you know anything about it? About this raid? The police?”

“Apollo…” He uses that tone, as if I’m a child who shouldn’t even ask about it. The same way Jasper talks to me when he doesn’t want to explain things. “I told you I can’t tell you any more. I’m sorry, but it’s safer if—”

“Fuck, Kobe! Don’t talk to me like I’m— Ugh. I deserve to understand what the fuck is going on! What you got yourself into.Meinto. Jasper, the whole…everyone! Everything is…”Scary. Everything is terrifying with its unpredictability, but I don’t allow myself to say that out loud. It would only make him coddle me more.

I hear him sigh, accompanied by the sounds of him getting into the car and turning it on. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, the words tense like they’re on a string. “Please, could you just stay put until I see what’s going on? I know I’m asking a lot of you, but I need you to—”

The frustration completely envelops me, taking control of my body. I end the call before he can finish the sentence—the well meaning sentiment put forth in that damn careful, soft tone—and throw my phone on the couch, putting my head in my hands.

Goddammit!

I run my fingers through my hair, trying to retain some sort of control over my mind, my body, and my rapid breathing.

What did I expect from this? When he told me about his unspecified plan and asked me to trust him, why did I just go with it like a complete fool? What was I expecting to happen?

Oh, you thought Kobe would wave a magic wand and fix all your problems? You fucking idiot. You useless, stupid, worthless dumbass!

There’s no life away from this without Jasper. And Kobe sure as hell isn’t going to make Jasper yield or give me up. Giveanythingup. Not after he’s tasted all this power. He will stop at nothing now.

I spend several minutes pacing back and forth. My head spins. My heart feels like a runaway train that’s going to derail any second. I can’t deal with this.

Turning to look at the phone lying on the couch, I fight with myself to not do something stupid. I should sit here. Sit at home like a good little doll, blind to everything that’s happening. Blind to all but what they want me to see.

But that doesn’t feel right. It makes the bile rise into my mouth and my stomach twist until it hurts. And that hurt can only be remedied by…a stupid decision.

I call a taxi and have it take me to the Dollhouse.

I’m tired of being pushed to the sidelines. Of just sitting in the corner being afraid.

With the time it took for the car to arrive, it seems that the meeting’s already over when I step into the door. I stand at the bottom of the stairs as people pour down them. Their glances tell me I shouldn’t be here, and that Jasper most definitely isn’t happy. It’s one thing I find amusing—how all those tough guys get humbled by him. The fake confidence flutters on their faces, leaving glimpses of the real unease underneath.

But the purpose of their gait gives me pause as I watch them disperse. They were given instructions from Jasper, I know that, and that scares me.

I catch the familiar scent. Kobe. I sharply turn my head to look at the top of the stairs, where he meets my gaze.

With an expression of horror, he darts his eyes around, like he’s afraid Jasper will pop from behind him, and nearly runs down the stairs to me. “Apollo—”

I grab his hand and drag him aside. He tries to pull away, mumbling something, but the anger inside me gives me strength, so I don’t let him. We slip into one of the empty hallways and when the door closes after us, I step in front of him, nearly pinning him to the wall with my glare. “Ineedyou to talk to me!”

Kobe swallows nervously, looking to the side. He looks stressed. But as much as it hurts me seeing him like that, I can’t allow myself be swayed before getting what I want.

It takes everything out of me to keep my voice low, almost to a whisper, while expressing how serious I am about this. “Do you have anything to do with this? With what happened? The cops, the raid? I need to know, Kobe. I need to know what’s going on.” I let some of my desperation slip through and I hate myself for it.

Because his gaze softens as soon as he hears that desperation, and his hand reaches for my arm.

“Don’t,” I snap, pulling away. “Don’t…protect and coddle me. Tell me the truth.”

I watch him hesitate; thoughts shifting behind his eyes.

“You wouldn’t be that stupid, would you? To work with the cops?”

“What else did you think this was?” he finally responds, frowning. It sounds almost like he wants to chuckle at the ridiculousness of my question, but stops himself. “That I was working with some other gang to take Jasper down? That I’m doing it myself? This… Fuck. It’s the feds. Not the cops, they’re useless.”

The feds?!

My stomach threatens to upturn. Rubbing my forehead with a short inhale, I step back, trying to process it. Kobe reaches for me again, using the moment of weakness, and pulls me closer to him by my hand. “You have to trust me. This way, we can both be safe.”

I shake my head and try to pull away, but Kobe won’t let me.

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