Page 85 of Broken Country

“Next week, I expect. Although I must admit, I’m a little surprised to see you. My understanding is that you and he are no longer together.”

I am lost for words. Wounded by her casual confirmation of our breakup. And the fact that she knows.

I don’t know what to do. Or where to turn. I’d hopedGabriel would be here and I could tell him about the pregnancy and together we’d decide what happened next.

Unconsciously, I rest my palm against my belly. Thinking of the embryo growing within me. No more than a quarter inch long, the library book tells me.

Tessa is watching me, with her eyes narrowed.

“For heaven’s sake. Are you pregnant, Beth? Is that what this is all about?”

Before I know what I’m saying, I gulp out a “Yes.”

As soon as I admit it, I feel relief. Someone other than me knows the truth. Surely, Tessa will want to help me now she knows I am carrying her son’s child?

“How did it happen?”

“I—we—were careless in Oxford.”

Tessa tuts. “How irresponsible. I’m rather surprised Gabriel hasn’t thought to tell me himself.”

“He doesn’t know yet.”

It’s strange how Tessa’s face floods with sudden light. She leans forward to pat my hand. “You’re keeping it from Gabe, sensible girl. We don’t need to worry him with it, now, do we?”

“Actually, I was planning on telling him today. That’s why I’m here.” Tessa gets up and begins to pace the room in tight little circles. “Let me think for a minute. Do your parents know?”

“Not yet.”

“Even better.”

“They might begin to notice after a while.”

Another snap change in Tessa’s lovely face. “Surely you’re not thinking of keeping it?”

“What else would I do?”

“My dear, I sometimes forget that you’re a village girl and have seen nothing of the outside world yet. There are places we can go to sort the whole thing. Nothingbackstreet, don’t worry. All one needs is money and a willingness to travel abroad for it. I’m so glad you thought to bring this to me.”

I stare up at Tessa in distress. “Are you talking about abortion?” I whisper the word as if even saying it out loud could offend my unborn child. I was brought up a Catholic. Not a very good one, it’s true—my pregnancy is evidence of that—but the years of indoctrination have made me sure of one thing. This tiny fertilized egg inside me will one day become a baby. And I will love that baby and give it the best life I can.

“Yes, that’s right. Far easier than you might think. There is no need for you or Gabe to wreck your lives over one stupid little mistake.”

“I don’t think this baby is going to wreck my life… or Gabriel’s.”

A pause.

“You seem determined to tell him.”

“Don’t you think he’d want to know? He might want to be involved, it’s his child we’re talking about.”

“Ah. I begin to see where you’re coming from. Did you think you could talk Gabriel into marrying you? I can’t see that happening, Beth, I really can’t. Don’t take this the wrong way but Gabe seemed rather relieved when he said you’d broken up. I think it was a strain on him, to be quite honest, trying to keep the thing going when you never saw each other. And of course, he’s got a whole new scene at Oxford. Lots of new friends.”

My resolution to be brave has vanished. “Is he still with Louisa?” I choke out the words.

At this, a look passes over Tessa’s face that I cannot read. Is it confusion? Or relief? Or something else? “Early days, of course, but theyarea good match. And Louisa’s father can do so much for Gabriel’s writing career. I know youwouldn’t want to get in the way of that.” She laughs a fake, tinkly laugh. “Perhaps they’ll move to Hollywood when they leave Oxford. Perhaps we all will. Get away from this beastly weather.”

I shiver, despite the warmth of the fire. I should never have come. I need to get as far away from Tessa Wolfe as possible. I need to lie in a quiet room and cry for everything I have lost.

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