Page 47 of The Attraction

“No, you’re not. I’m just having a nice quiet dinner. What you just said is so not me.” Amanda looks horrified at what Rachel is planning.

“Whoa, how about we wait until she actually has that ring on her finger? And don’t worry, Rachel, we now know exactly what sort of bachelorette party you’ll want when your time comes,” I say, waiting for the reaction, and yep, here it comes.

“There is no way in hell I’m getting married before I’m forty at least, and to be honest, I’ll probably just live in sin and skip the paperwork and the crap that goes with it. The only piece of paper I’ll be signing will be a pre-nuptial agreement because no guy is getting his hands on what I’ve worked hard for or leave me with nothing like that douchebag father of ours did to Mum.” The disgust on her face at both the prospect of settling down and the memory of our father, I feel it to my core too, but I can’t press my opinions on her too. Sometimes I think she is the way she is because she has grown up watching and listening to my anti-man thoughts and she is following me without actually realizing it.

“You’re still so young, there is plenty of time to find a good man like Amanda has. They are out there, you just have to look for them,” I say, thinking of Forrest who has shown me every day that as much as I don’t want to, he is there for me to lean on and has given me a safe place.

But my greatest fear is what happens when he walks away, because that’s what happens, and I’m not going through that hurt again.

“Yeah right, this coming from the eternally single woman. When you find this perfect man, let me know and I’ll start looking. In the meantime, I’m having the time of my life, and that’s all that matters. I mean, the guy last night was just the perfect example of that. Tall, at least six foot two, tats on his arms and chest, broad shoulders, biceps that are rock solid, and big and thick where it counts. Yeah, he can rock my world anytime. But the best part about it was when he was finished and I was completely satisfied, he got up, dressed, kissed me goodbye, thanked me for a good night, and then left, locking the door behind him. Now you can’t tell me you still get sex like that once you are married or tied down in a relationship.”

Ugghh, this is like looking at my twenty-eight-year-old self. Was I really that obnoxious and vocal about being a man-hater? I must have been hard to be around. It was probably just lucky that I had Felisha who was exactly the same. We both had dad issues, just in a totally different way.

I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s just a bit raw for me at the moment, and I can’t tell them why.

“How’s work, Rachel, which famous person have you rubbed shoulders with this week? And if you say Benson Boone and didn’t invite me, then I’m disowning you as a sister. I love his voice.” I know full well that my sister loves her job and always has so much to share that she will now talk for the next thirty minutes without taking a breath.

“Yeah, like I’m that mean. I know you have him on repeat on your playlist. No, but it’s been a crazy few months over the summer, but now we start to slow down because who wants to tour in London in the cold months? Seriously, there are times I wonder, should I move back to Los Angelas in the US where it’s hot all the time and no freaking snow? I mean, we have dual passports, so it would be easy enough.”

“No!” I can’t help almost jumping down her throat when she says she wants to move to America. God, that’s the last thing she can do at the moment with a nutter on the loose looking for children of Ronald Williams.

My mind is racing at all the problems with that scenario, and it’s when I then focus again that I see both my sisters just staring at me with confusion all over their faces.

“Want to explain that reaction?” Amanda reaches over and places her hand on my arm, softly because my family knows I don’t like touch, but I’m not sure if they know why. We never talk about it.

Shit, how do I get around this?

“Mum would never cope with that. Dad left for America and was killed. If you went there, she would worry every minute of every day. You can’t do that to her. Plus, we would miss you. I mean, who will get me the best tickets to concerts and organize Amanda’s hen’s party?” I know I’m talking too fast and using my mother as an excuse, but I don’t know what else to do.

“Whoa, that’s a bit dark. Plus, I was just making a comment because I hate the cold. What the hell is wrong with you?” Rachel never holds back what she is thinking. I think it comes from being the youngest and trying to be heard in the family.

“Nothing. I just think that would be a dumb idea. Your life is here.” My brain is spiraling at the thought of my family in danger, and it’s making me sweat. I don’t feel great.

“Sweetie, are you okay? You look a bit pale.” Amanda now looks concerned.

“Actually, I don’t feel well. Sorry, I think I need to go home.” Grabbing my bag, I pull cash out of my wallet and put it on the table. “You two stay and get another drink on me. I’ll talk to you soon.” Standing, I start to walk away.

“I’ll stop by your apartment later to check on you,” Amanda calls to me.

“No… umm, in case it’s contagious. I’ll message you. Thanks, love you both.” I’m trying to talk calmly when I can feel that my anxiety is starting to rise to a level that is not healthy. I’m breathing too fast and feel a little faint. Calling for a Kentwall car to take me home, I take a seat just inside the restaurant’s door, waiting for it to arrive. My thoughts are going over and over again, thinking about this guy and what he wants from me. They tell me it’s just a money thing, but what if it’s more? What if it’s a revenge thing?

I don’t want to feel this unstable again.

Why is this happening?

I’m not a child anymore, I’m a grown woman who helps to run a multi-billion-dollar business on a daily basis. I can put any man in his place with just words, and I have paved a way for myself in this world, supporting my family too.

I need to ignore all of this.

The doorman signals to me that my car is here, and I move so quickly to get into the back seat where no one can see me. I concentrate on breathing and block out concerns for protecting my family. They told me I’m safe, they promised, so I have to believe them.

Walking into the apartment, all is quiet because it’s only around four pm and Forrest will be at work still, thank goodness. I don’t want anyone to see me like this.

Sweat runs down my back as I scurry to my room and strip off my clothes, walking straight into the shower. It’s what I need to bring me down and slow my thoughts. I’ll be okay, I always am, but I just need a few minutes here on my own to find my calm place.

Leaning with my head against the tiles, the water runs over my back. It’s so soothing, and I don’t know how long I stand here, but I start to realize that my skin is wrinkling, which means it’s been more than the five minutes I intended to take.

Wrapping the large fluffy cream towel around me, I remember I didn’t bring any clothes in with me, and just as I enter my bedroom, the door to my room comes flying open, banging back against the wall.

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