“Good answer,” she whispers and turns straight to the machine and pulls the plunger back hard, totally focused on the game. Did I want more from her? Probably, but truthfully, was I ready to hear her words on love? No, I doubt it.
I’m not ready for her to ask a hard-hitting question like that again just yet, so I make sure I win the next game and make it something light in my next question, and of course, my next pet name.
“Okay, pumpkin, ready for your question?” I watch as she almost spits out the water she was drinking from the bottle out of the drinks fridge I keep in here.
“That is so yuck. Oh my God, am I ten years old?” She dabs her clothes with the clean handkerchief I pulled from my pocket for her.
“I guess I’ll strike a line through that one on my list then.” I laugh at her reaction on a name I would never use for her, but it’s fun just pushing her buttons on this.
“Along with any other cringy names on there too. Wait, hang on, you have a list of pet names you call women?” She shakes her head at me.
“Oh, you should see it, it’s pages long. I’ve been building it for years, waiting for a chance to use them,” I say, trying to keep a straight face as she looks at me, so confused.
“Really, is that true?”
“Fuck no. But the look on your face was worth it.” I laugh as I walk to grab myself a bottle of water too.
“I thought you said you weren’t funny.” She pulls her legs up onto the couch where she is sitting and makes herself comfortable.
“Oh, I’m hilarious,” I say, taking a sip of water, and then continue. “Now, since I won this game and the match, by winning two out of the three games, I think that entitles me to two questions. So here is the first one.” Watching her about to protest my two questions, I step closer and lean over to place my finger on her mouth which stops her completely. A little gasp of air between her lips is enough to turn the heat up a notch in my body. “What is your favorite food, and I swear to God, if you say a protein shake, I’m going lose my shit, woman.”
“It’s not fair if you tell me I can’t answer truthfully,” she responds with that glint in her eyes that she gets when she is about to be a smartass.
I slap my forehead playfully.
“Okay, okay. If you are talking serious adult food, then I would have to say a perfectly cooked steak, medium, with mashed potatoes and some steamed vegetables and a nice sauce over the top. I know it’s not what you were expecting, but I grew up in a house where meat was on the menu a lot. But if you are talking about what’s my favorite indulgence food, it’s going to be a weird one, but it’s a perfect piece of carrot cake with the cream cheese icing on top. Oh, nothing beats it with a hot cup of tea.” I can see her tasting it on her tongue while she thinks about it.
“You’re right, it’s not what I was expecting, but I wouldn’t say it’s weird. Where is the best place to buy your carrot cake?” I’m expecting some little boutique bakery somewhere she has been on her travels.
“Don’t laugh, but it’s Pret,you know the sandwich chain shop. They come in these perfect little packages.” She looks a little shy at her answer.
“Of all the places you have traveled in the world and your indulgence is from an English sandwich chain store. Why?” I’m so curious to know.
“It will sound silly, but when my I was younger, my dad would come to visit me at boarding school and take me out for a walk down to the Pret at the end of the street and we would have lunch, a cup of tea, and then he always bought me a piece of cake to take back to my room for a little treat later that night when I was in bed studying. It was our little thing. And it’s just something I have held on to.” Shrugging her shoulders, she doesn’t want to admit that a part of her still loves her dad and misses him, but I understand that. I’m sure it must be such a mixture of emotions.
“Well, I can’t say I have ever had one, but now I might just have to try it the next time I walk past one.” That earns me a smile from Harper.
“I want to argue the point about the second question, but I know you will just call me a cheat, so come on, let’s have it.” She gestures that she’s ready for it. I doubt she is, but I’m asking it anyway.
I sit down on the couch next to her, and laying my arm along the back of it, I ask in a gentle voice, “Do you truly hate your father, or is it just easier to say that so you don’t have to feel the hurt?” I almost regret coming in with this type of question, but if we are ever going to be more than friends, we need to ask the tough questions like she asked me.
Harper’s eyes are wide, and I’m not sure she is breathing so easily anymore. “I can’t…” she mumbles.
“You can, just let the words fall.” I take her hand, holding it gently, and she doesn’t pull away, which I love.
“Yes.”
“Yes to which part, more words, Harper,” I coax, rubbing my thumb softly over her hand.
“Yes, I hate him… but I don’t want to. But if I let the love come to the surface, then it brings too much pain with it. So, it’s easier to hate him for what he did. And it’s the right thing to feel. What he did was awful, and I’ve never heard someone cry with so much hurt as I did back then from my mother, when she couldn’t even get out of bed to feed herself, let alone me. I never thought she would get through it. But then after we moved into an apartment the Kentwalls owned, each day Felisha’s mum would turn up, and things were getting a little easier, until…” I can see tears are filling her eyes, but she doesn’t let them fall.
Her mouth opens, but no words come out.
“Until you father was murdered.” I squeeze her hand a little tighter, reminding her that I’m here and won’t let her fall. “I’m sure it’s hard, and I can’t begin to understand what you went through, but one day when you feel it’s the right time, I’d like to know about your father. Because the way I look at it, people make mistakes, and he paid the ultimate price. But I’m sure he was a good man before that, because there is no way you grew up to be this strong, beautiful, and awesome without some of your dad inside you.” Letting that sink in a little, it’s time to help her move past this thought.
“Okay, I have one other question that has nothing to do with the game, but I have been dying to know. What the fuck were you listening to the other morning that was talking about avocado lube?”
Harper just looks at me and can’t help but start laughing.