Page 89 of The Attraction

And for someone who hates surprises, it’s unexpected to me that I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings. Placing my ribbon in the drawer next to my red one, I wonder how big my collection will get before he gives up on me.

* * *

My day has been a tough one, and I know it’s from the lack of sleep and my racing brain, but still, I promised Cherie I would turn up for a session with her, so here I am standing at the front door to her gym facility. It’s a brand-new building that the charity she runs with Rem and Elouise have built. She assured me that Elouise would have gone home for the night, so there was no chance I’d run into her, but I still find myself looking over my shoulder while I wait for Cherie in reception. I wasn’t kidding when I told her I want to keep this between us, which even meant I had to lie to Felisha, telling her I was going to see my sister Amanda tonight.

“Thanks, Cherie.” I hear a younger woman’s voice as she walks out from behind the door that looks like it leads further into the building. She is all red in the face, sweaty, but looks so peaceful, which is interesting.

“You did great today, Donna. Same time next week, and I want you to keep working on what we talked about.” Cherie places her hand on her arm, and the woman smiles and nods her head. Throwing her bag on her shoulder, she starts walking toward me and just grins. Like she’s reassuring me it will be okay, and I’ll survive this.

Cherie walks closer and just looks at me. “If you are here then I guess you pulled the pin on the hand grenade and let go of the handle.” Her look is serious but not judgmental.

“Something like that,” I mumble.

“Well, come on through and let’s get started. I think this will be the first of a few interesting nights for you.” She punches in a code on the door and opens it, inviting me into her inner sanctuary.

“This is going to hurt, isn’t it,” I murmur as I walk past her through the door.

“Oh, in a way you can’t even to begin to imagine. But you will thank me one day for it… just maybe not today.” And as soon as she starts laughing, I know I’m going to regret this.

After I’ve changed into my workout gear, I tentatively walk back out into the room that joins the bathroom. It’s a single room with a couch to one side and a gym mat in the middle of it. When I first met Cherie, she’d described to me the program that she had designed to support people. The ones who need help with trauma or personal issues that are buried down deep. Yep, I tick both of those boxes.

“God, you look like you are about to either puke or run.” She laughs as she suits up in some protective gear.

“Or both,” I declare.

“Here, I want you to put this padding on your chest and the head gear on. Forrest will kill me if I damage that beautiful face and body. Actually, I’m certain he won’t be happy I have you in the ring at all, but he can suck it up for all I care. Not that I’m going to tell him, but you will eventually.” She smiles as I do as she says.

“Not a chance.” Pulling the head gear down and securing the strap under my chin, I feel utterly ridiculous and a little vulnerable to be honest. “It’s none of his business. That’s what got me into this mess in the first place. Him storming into my life as the big protector.”

Cherie starts walking toward me, at least looking just as ridiculous as I do. “Okay, so how this is going to work is we are just going to talk about things. You can feel free to tell me anything you want, and it will stay within these walls. I will ask some questions, and even if they are hard, I still want you to try to give me something. Sometimes that will be enough, and other times I will push to drag more out of you. During all of this we are going to start a little gentle sparring, where basically I want you to just try to defend yourself from me. But you aren’t allowed to stop talking while you do it. Does that make sense?” I can see that she takes this very seriously.

“Yes, and can I just say I’m the queen of multitasking, you won’t have to worry about that,” I say, trying to cover my nerves with my sassy humor as usual. I know it’s a defense mechanism I’ve always leaned on.

“Okay, let’s circle back to what you just said to me about Forrest. It’s his fault that you’re here?” Her eyes are soft, and she is just swaying from side to side on her feet waiting for an answer.

I think about that and decide if this is going to work, I just need to say the first thing that comes into my head.

“Partly,” I reply.

“Why partly?” She steps forward and shoves me on the shoulder, not hard but enough to put me off balance. I stumble a little but steady myself again.

“Because he made me feel, and I’m better when I don’t.” And that’s the truth. Before I met him, and not in a casual way but in the way that no one else knows him, I had walls of steel that no one could hurt me through.

“Made you feel what?” This time she shoves me harder, and I don’t like it, so instead of stepping back, I push forward on my feet and raise my hand to her shoulder and give her a shove. “That’s it, now keep talking, you told me you could do two things at once.”

My competitive streak raises its head and wants to prove I’m right.

“Soft, vulnerable, weak, all the things I try so hard not to be.” I try to hit her again, and she blocks my hand and then jabs me in the side.

“Shit!” It didn’t hurt so much as shock me, and as I’m trying to defend from her poking me there again, she replies.

“Forrest didn’t do that, you did.”

Her hand comes at me again, and I go to defend the same spot, and her words piss me off.

“No, I didn’t. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t listen, he just made me do it.” And all of a sudden there are words pouring out of me, and I’m thrashing my hands about, not in any controlled way, just trying to stop her from touching me. “I don’t like being touched. No one gets to touch me unless I let them. He made me want to be touched. Why did he do that? Because now I like it and he’s gone.”

“But why is he gone, Harper?”Thud, another fist, into the stomach this time.

---