Page 99 of The Attraction

Cherie had me delving back into my abandonment issues with my father. I’ve never admitted to anyone how angry I was at him for not fighting for us. Love is fighting for those that mean the most to you in this world, and by running away, I didn’t feel like he did that. It had my brain twisted around that I was not worthy of his love, and that’s what I’ve carried for so long. It has distorted my whole opinion of relationships. I didn’t want to feel that kind of hurt again, and in my mind, if I let a man get close to me, then he too would discover I was not worth loving and leave as well.

It was a lot to unpack, and I spent two hours with her after work just moving through the pain and emotions. I know how that impacted the way I acted in my life, never getting attached to anyone, and how I pushed poor Forrest away so he couldn’t hurt me. The truth is it was me who hurt him, and I feel guilty for that. So, by the time I got home, I just wanted to go to bed, and luckily, Flynn wasn’t home, and Felisha was still working in her home office. I just showered and fell into bed without eating dinner, knowing I would be in trouble, and the thought of Forrest finding out actually made me feel bad, which then made me smile. He would be ecstatic knowing that he has buried himself in my subconscious about eating regularly.

Waking this morning, my stomach is rumbling and hungry. My first thought for the day is what will Forrest send me for breakfast today?

Picking up my phone to turn off my alarm, I almost drop it when I see there is a message from Forrest.

My finger hovers over the button to open it for a split second, but I know I have been waiting for this from the moment I walked away from him. A sign that he is willing to fight for us. Well, at least I hope that’s what it is.

Forrest: The delivery address for this morning’s breakfast has changed. The courier told me that apparently your office is being renovated, so I offered the use of my apartment—temporarily, of course. He will be delivering it at 8am if you would like to see what today’s package is, and of course, the color of the ribbon.

I sit up in bed so quickly, and my head is racing with all the rationalization of what I should reply. I should say no because it’s too soon, but that’s not what I really want. I’m supposed to be giving myself time to sort out my emotions before we have this talk, but to be honest, I was already thinking about reaching out to him in a day or so anyway. But if I say yes, we shouldn’t meet at the apartment, I know that’s a bad idea, yet I’m not sure I want anyone else listening to me as I pour out to Forrest all the craziness that’s been in my mind for so long.

“Ugghhh, why does he always push me to make hard decisions?” I whine out loud.

I type my reply and delete it three times because I can’t decide what to say. Finally, I settle on honesty, with no hiding behind comedy.

Harper: I want to see you as well. Just to talk, because that’s all it can be right now. So, if I come to your apartment, I need you to promise that we keep it at that. It’s important to me.

His reply bounces back straight away.

Forrest: I agree and totally understand. I just need to see you and tell you something. I promise this can be whatever you want it to be. Please give us this chance to just sit and work through what we both need to, over a pretty great breakfast if I do say so myself.

He always has a way of making me laugh at his cheesiness that I never expected from a man like Forrest, but it really does suit him.

Harper: Deal, but only if that breakfast comes wrapped in a ribbon. I’ve got high standards, you know.

Forrest: As you should. Never accept anything less than those standards.

Oh, Forrest, I’m not. I’ve learned that now. It’s why I’ve been waiting for a man like you. I didn’t realize it until you snuck up on me and raised the bar on the kind of man I need. So, it’s your fault I can’t accept anything less now.

Harper: Agreed. See you at eight.

Forrest: You still have a key. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.

“Shit, I need to get in the shower. There is no way I’m turning up there looking anything less than irresistible.” I swing my legs over the side of the bed, laughing out loud because that is not what I should be thinking, but who am I kidding. I want him to want me, even if he can’t have me today.

“He needs to walk away hungry after breakfast.” Looking at myself in the mirror, I know this bedhead and creased face will not even come close to making that happen.

I might be learning a lot about myself, but that doesn’t mean I have changed. This girl still needs to feel desired by my man.

My man.

Oooh, I like the sound of that.

Felisha and Flynn had left for the office when I finally emerged from getting ready for my breakfast date. No, I can’t think that, it’s a breakfast meeting, and that’s all it’s going to be.

I can’t believe it’s already Friday. This week has been a blur, and so much has happened. Standing at the door to Forrest’s apartment, it makes me feel a little sick to my stomach remembering the way I left here Monday morning. I didn’t handle that well, but I’m working on it now, and that’s what’s important.

I run my thumb over the key in my hand. It feels strange to be walking into Forrest’s apartment, as it’s not my home anymore. But to be honest, as much as it was starting to feel like it, it never truly was. In my mind I was always just a visitor for a short time. If this goes the way I hope it will, then next time I live with Forrest, it’s with the intention of forever, and that is a very big step for me to admit.

Turning the key and pushing the door open, I leave my security guy outside and step into the familiar safe place this apartment is for me. That hasn’t changed. I always felt at peace here with him. Even though I didn’t understand that at the time, I see it clearly now.

The smell of breakfast is wafting from the kitchen, and I can hear him busy making sure everything is ready for me. He must know that I’m already here, but I think we are both probably taking the few seconds we need to lock in the self-control that will be needed to get through this morning.

My stomach is full of butterflies which is better than the sick kind of nerves that were sitting there a few moments ago. I’m excited to see him, and that’s a good thing. I just pray that Forrest feels the same.

As I start walking from the foyer toward the kitchen, his back is to me as he is at the coffee machine waiting for it to finish preparing the cup of caffeine for me that he knows how much I’m craving.

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