Page 129 of The Plan

“No more late-night talks about our fucked-up nightmares. No more naps on my couch, no morenothing. You leave, and we’re done. I won’t fight for us anymore. I’ll leave you alone, my love.” I bite my tongue for letting that name slip, but she doesn’t react.

She nods once, walks out of the kitchen, and I go still.Please don’t walk out.

Let her.

I try to convince myself that if she leaves, I really am done. I want to be with her, so so badly, but not badly enough to put her above my sobriety. That’s not fair to me, so I won't try to convince her otherwise, not when my sobriety is on the line.

She shows me I don’t need to when she takes a seat in front of me. I let out a small breath I didn’t know I was holding and turn to her.

“I thought it was only pills. I didn’t know you weren’t drinking.” I guess I didn’t make that clear yesterday. I won’t let that happen again.

“Before I relapsed, I was using alcohol as a substitute for drugs. You saw the start of that.” She nods, clearly remembering. “That’s obviously never good, and I ended up using again.”

She holds eye contact, not interrupting as I continue.

“When I got out of rehab, I kept drinking. August and Lis got Sage involved, and eventually, I came to terms with my alcoholism, and I tried to stop. I couldn’t, though, not for long at least.” She takes my hand in hers, but I pull away. Her touch alone drives me insane, and I need to stay focused. We need to have this talk.

“I’ve only turned to Oxy twice since our fall out, but I haven’t been able to stay sober for a year because I kept drinking. Not until yesterday. That’s why I made that big breakfast. That's what I wanted to tell you.That’swhy I wanted to spend the day with you, and when I went to pick you up for lunch, I wanted you to come to my chip ceremony.”

She puts her head down, and it’s obvious she feels bad, but I need her to say it. “Sire—” She cuts herself off, shaking her head.Say something, Vid.

“A sorry isn’t going to make up for how I acted yesterday, but I swear, I’m so fucking sorry, and I don’t want you to cut ties with me or give up on us. I’ll make it up to you.” She grabs my hand, and when I pull away again, her entire face falls. It makes me want to reach for her, but I force myself not to.

“Tell me what was wrong with you yesterday.” I know she wouldn’t get that wasted for no reason. She takes in a breath and then starts ranting about her day, going on about some argument with some asshole at her job and her being hangry.

“And you came in at the wrong time.” That’s it?

“You couldn’t have just told me that?”

“I did.” Okay, she did, but she was being rude about it.

“That’s why you got wasted?” This time, she looks down, but I don’t push her to speak and wait for her instead.

“This is probably the worst time ever to say this, but…” She says it all in one breath, rushing to get it over with: “I kind of got an apartment, and yesterday, I kind of sealed the deal when I went to sign the papers. I started thinking about being all alone there and how I was alone during the break-in, so I went to have a drink but got wasted since I was on an empty stomach.”

I stare at her for a minute, trying to make sense of her jumbled-up words. This is what she was talking about last night. About me being mad and her not wanting to be alone. She got an apartment?

She peeks up at me like she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like I’m going to lash out, but I don’t. Instead, I say, “Congrats on your apartment.”

Her head snaps up to me. “What?”

I only shrug in response.

“You’re not mad?”

“I didn’t want you to move out, but I’m not mad that you did. It was unrealistic to think you’d stay here forever, especially when we’re not actually together yet.” I still think it’s dumb she got her own place when she’s moving back in once we’re officially back together, but I don’t tell her that.

“Right.” She nods like she’s happy I understand.

“I’m not too happy that you didn’t tell me. You’re not obligated to, but obviously, you thought I should know since you thought I’d be mad.”

“Yeah, I know.” She looks everywhere but my eyes.

“Do you? Seriously, Vid, you need to work on your communication skills because if you want this to work between us—”

“I do.” Her eyes meet mine, and I feel a small smile grow on my face, hearing her finally say it out loud. “I want this to work, and I’m going to work on communicating and not walking away.” She looks down at her hands again. “And all my other flaws,” she mumbles, and I tilt her chin up so she can see me.

“You’re flawless.”

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