Page 22 of The Plan

“Have you been here this whole time?” I jump a bit at whoever just said that. What the fuck?! I turn my head to the side and see Sage sitting at the other end of the couch.

She’s smiling sheepishly like she didn’t mean to scare me, but she definitely fucking did. How did I not hear her? “Hi, and yeah, I have…”

She nods and looks between Sire and me. “Sorry if I scared you. He was lying on his stomach, or I guess on you, when I walked in earlier, and I didn’t even see you when I came in.”

I just give her a shy smile. I guess she’s who gave us the blanket. I would have appreciated it if Hazel warned me Sage was on her way back here. Now I’m glad we were just sleeping.

I’m still looking in her direction, but she’s looking down at Sire with a sad look in her eyes. I look back over at him, but I don’t see what she does because nothing about him makes me sad. If not, it's the exact opposite, and the thought of that scares me too much to admit out loud.

I turn back to her, confused. “What’s wrong?”

She looks up at me and gives me a sad smile, shaking her head. “How much has he told you about what today is?”

I feel like she wants to tell me what’s wrong but doesn’t want to say anything Sire hasn’t told me.

“Just that he makes six years sober. A bit about the adoption and his bio parents.” As soon as I say that last part, my heart stops when I see her eyes widen, and she turns to me completely. Shit. Oh my God, did she not know any of that?

She looks normal again, so I think she already knew.Please tell me you already knew. “Okay, I’m only telling you this because you clearly care about him, and he trusts you a lot because you’re the only other person besides Lisette, August, our parents, and I who knows all of that about him.”I am?According to her, I’m one of six, so I feel pretty special right now.

I take all that in for a second, and then she continues. “Every year, a few weeks before and after his soberversary, he doesn’t sleep. Maybe at most two hours, but most of the time, it’s none atall. He’s always had trouble sleeping while we were growing up, but I thought it got better.”

I think about that for a second, and it sounds familiar. “Are you sure he doesn’t just have insomnia?” I’m not a doctor, not yet, at least, but I think this is what it is.

She shakes her head like she's sure I’m wrong. “No, that’s not it.” She hesitates, then looks down at Sire and continues. “It might be PTSD. He gets horrible night terrors. I remember the first time he slept over, we were about eight or nine, and he woke up screaming so loud the neighbors came to check if everything was okay.”

I notice her eyes start to water at the memory, and I turn my head and look at Sire instead because I know I’ll cry if I see her break down right now. He’s still sound asleep with his arms wrapped around my waist.

As I’m looking at him, a sad feeling washes over me as I think about what could’ve been so horrible that it haunts him after all these years. So bad that he had to turn to drugs to cope.

Hearing Sage’s sniffles, I feel my throat close and my eyes sting. I try to quickly blink away my tears, but it’s too late, and a few fall. I wipe them before Sage notices, but she does.

“I don’t want to make you cry more, but I’m pretty sure he only fell asleep because you were in his arms, Vidia.” I turn to look back over to her when I feel her getting off the couch. “You’re, of course, not obligated to, but as his sister, I’d really appreciate it if you take more naps with him. Just so he can at least get a bit of sleep.”

Yeah, I was already planning on it.

Chapter Six

Sire

The Present

Do it. You know youwant to. DO IT!

“Fuck!” I tilt my head up to the ceiling and keep my eyes off the bottle of Oxycodone that's sitting on the sink. I was fine yesterday. I was fine the day before. Why the fuck is today so hard? Resting my hands on the edge of the sink, I look back down at the bottle of pills and whisper to myself. “One won’t hurt.” Yes, it will.

No, it won’t. Take one.

“Fuck it.” Snatching the bottle, I snap it open. A minute goes by. Then another. “Just one.” I tilt the bottle, but two fall into my hand. “Okay, just two.”

“Call me if you need me, okay?”Okay. I put the bottle down and set the pills next to it, then pull out my phone. It doesn’ttake long to find her number because she’s still on the top of my favorites list.

I’m about to click her name but pause. She probably blocked my number; there’s no point in even calling.“I mean it, Sire. Call me if you ever need me.”Letting out a sigh,I click her contact and raise the phone to my ear. As I assumed, it goes straight to voicemail, but I listen anyway.

I listen to her voice in hopes it’ll ground me. Closing my eyes, I listen to our laughter and recall the memory of that day, how pretty she looked in her pastel blue, how happy she was.

The beep rings too soon, and I hang up before it records my voicemail. I put my phone back in my pocket and pick up one pill. Of course, she has me blocked. Why did I even try? Slowly, I put it to my mouth, but when I see my reflection in the mirror in front of me, I quickly turn around and shut my eyes.

Do it quickly, go.

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