Page 53 of The Plan

“Did it feel like you needed them? Like with drugs?” I steal a glance at August, and he’s watching me carefully.

“A bit, yeah…” I mumble, and I can feel the disappointment in the room. “But it didn't feel like that with the sisters the other night. I’m fine.” They both nod and look like they believe me.

I turn to Lis now. “I’m supposed to beyoursponsor. You came here to talk and haven’t.” She turns back around, avoiding me again, and goes back to shopping in my closet.

“Okay,” August starts, and he sounds hopeful. “That’s good to hear because you would literally glow like a damn star when you were dating V in college. You’re not glowing now.”

He studies me for a second, and I start to grow uncomfortable as his green eyes bore into me. “You’re actually not glowing at all.” He turns his head to the side, pushing from the door frame when something clicks. “Are you okay?”

I turn away from him, trying to avoid his gaze, and pick out a pair of shoes. “Sire…” I let out a sigh and turn to him before slipping my sneakers on.

“You remember when you were craving donuts the other night?”

A smile grows on his face, and he nods at the memory. “Yeah, I was thinking about them all day. It was like I could taste them. The craving was so bad I woke up in the middle of the night for the ones I wanted and drove across town to the only place that was open twenty-four hours.”

He chuckles, and I give him a single nod. “Yeah, that’s how I’ve been feeling lately, but it isn’t for donuts and drugs instead.” Hegoes still. I turn away again to slip my shoes on, but I can feel him watching me.

“Hey!” We both turn to Lis, who's smiling. “I felt like that last night. Twins.” She holds her hand up for me to high-five, and I smile at how good she is at turning a bad moment into a good one.

August looks concerned beyond comprehension. “Lis… are you drunk?” My head immediately snaps to her, trying to figure out if she is, and she rolls her eyes.

“It’s called personality, August. Don’t assume the addicts are being addicts because they’re struggling. It’s rude.” He looks like he genuinely feels bad for offending us, and I break into a laugh. Lisette’s a fucking asshole.

August quickly catches on and then turns to me. “So you are having bad cravings again, and you go and have a threesome?” I let out a sigh.

I shake my head at the way he puts it. “No, it isn’t like that this time.” He looks like he doesn’t believe me, and worry flashes across his face. “It isn’t, August. I didn't have a bad craving then call them up here. It just happened, and besides, that feeling to immediately do it all over again wasn’t there once we were done.”

I go on, trying to reassure him that although I’m still struggling, I’m not substituting it for sex. “I went to a few meetings and spoke to my sponsor. After months of excruciating celibacy, I’m testing the waters.”

“Testing?” he says, and I nod in response.

“Testing with a threesome is bold,” Lisette mumbles, and I push her into my racks of hoodies.

“Shut up.” She trips, and a few of my clothes fall on her. I don’t help her up and turn to August. “I’m not on the verge of a sex addiction. I don’t know. Maybe it was just them, or maybe earlier this year was just a phase, but I don’t want sex. I want toget high.” I say it all in one breath, and August has the softest look in his eyes.

I don’t say anything else and walk over to the back of my closet for a hat. “Which one?” I let him pick, and he chooses my brown and pink LA Dodgers fit. Once I throw it on, I turn back around to him but don’t exit my closet. “Stop looking at me like that. I’ve been struggling with my addiction for years.”

He nods, but when a sad look crosses his eyes, I immediately wish I didn’t tell him that I haven’t been doing so good. “You know I’d do anything to make this easier for you, right?”

I nod once and give him a small smile. “Will you let me have a cheat day and cover for me as I get high? For old time's sake.” He stares at me with a very concerned look covering his face.

“That isn’t funny.” He shakes his head, and I nod once.Not funny, got it…When I look over at him, he’s still staring at me. “You know I hated covering up for you in high school and even more that day four years ago, so please don’t joke about that.”

“Asshole move, Sire. Booo!” Lis finally crawls out of where I pushed her, and I somehow just realize August was right.

“Youaredrunk.” She looks at me like she’s caught and doesn’t say another word as she walks out with her head down. I let out a sigh and turn back to August when I realize he’s still watching me.

“I’m sorry, August.” I shake my head and look down at the floor, feeling like an asshole for joking about that. August was always there to clean up my messes and lie to everyone for me when I was high as shit, and I’m an asshole for making him do that, whether I was under the worst influence or not.

“It’s fine, Sire.”

“It’s not.” My eyes meet his, and he gives me a weak shrug. He still looks worried, and I let out another sigh. “I really am fine, August.” He opens his mouth to say something but quicklycloses it. “What?” He looks like he isn’t going to say whatever it is but goes on.

“How come it’s always me you lie to?” I take a step back but try not to show it on my face that his words sting. “I know you beat yourself up about it, so please know I’m not mad at you for it or hold it against you, but…”

He shakes his head before going on. “You hate lying to Mom and refuse to hurt poor Sage’s feelings. Lisette is clearly just numb to whatever the fuck you throw at her, and I love Dad, but he’s too busy with work to notice anything wrong with you. It’s alwaysmeyou seem to have no problem lying to or making me cover for you when it comes to your addiction.”

I nod slowly, taking his words in, and he looks like he wants to take it all back at whatever look is on my face. “I’m sorry.” He shakes his head as he quickly tries to take it back.

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