Page 74 of The Plan

I pace the room, unable to bear the thought of sitting still. “Nightmares.” I shake my head as I go on. “Not of the crash but everything else. Everything reminds me of her, and I—” My voice breaks, and I turn away from both of them.

“We were out earlier,” Kayden starts, explaining why I called her. “This old man passed by him while smoking a cigarette. He grew so frantic and ripped his shirt off. He said—”

“His scars felt like they were burning,” Lisette finishes for him, knowing the routine by now. I’ve been able to smell burning cigarettes for years, but these past few days, everything is… a trigger, as Kayden said.

“Did something happen?” I turn to her, and at the bored look I give her, she shakes her head. “Besides the break-in, Sire. I doubt that would’ve fucked you like this.”

I shake my head in response and pace the room again. “Vid was…” I stop short, feeling as though it’s not right to tell them anything she opened up to me about.

“She what?” Kayden urges.

“She woke up screaming earlier this week and opened up about her abusive dad, and I—”

“And it triggered you, so now you can’t stop thinking about your abusive bio bitch Mom,” Lisette bites out, and I can’t help but give her a hint of a smile at the fact that she shares a hatred for that woman with me.

Lisette and I were neighbors before I officially moved in with the twins, so if she wasn’t there for the shit my m—surrogate putme through, she heard it. I think she hates her more than I do, if that’s even possible.

“I think you should talk about this with Vidia,” Kayden voices, and I turn to him slowly.

I study him for a few seconds, but he seems serious. “Right…” I start. “I should just invite her over and say, hey, Vid, I know you literally cannot sleep because you’re having nightmares about the attack you just endured and memories of your fucked up dad, but funny thing, you opening up to me actually triggered some fucked shit about my childhood so listen to my shitty life.”

Lisette fills the entire room with her laugh, and I watch her for a few seconds and can’t help but laugh softly. Kayden looks between the two of us, then shakes his head, almost in disbelief.

“You both handle trauma weirdly.”

“Yeah, we also do this thing called abuse substances when it gets really tough. Be grateful we’re laughing about it.” At that, I laugh, but it comes out weird, and I sit back on the couch.

I glance back at the bottle of liquor, and I’m starting to wish I could have one of those cheat days Lisette is always talking about. I feel the two of them watching me, but I turn to Lisette first.

“I agree with Mr. Judgy Pants over here.” She nods toward my sponsor. “You said she also opened up to you, so maybe it’ll be good for both of you to just, I don’t know, trauma dump or something.”

I immediately shake my head at the idea, but she goes on. “Look, I know you, Sire. I don’t think you even talk to the twins about the shit Fiona put you through.” My eyes squeeze shut at the sound of her name.

“I haven’t seen Vidia in years, but based on the last time I saw her and how you talk about her, she won’t judge you for it, and she’ll definitely be willing to let you rant all about it.” I take adeep breath, and to my surprise, Lisette takes my hand in hers. “You can’t keep it all balled up.”

I look between her piercing blue eyes, trying to get myself to agree.

“Coming from someone who does this”—She lifts her shorts, revealing scars on her thighs—“to myself when I keep it balled up, talk to her.” I take in a deep breath and rub my thumb along her scars.

“When was the last time you cut?” I ask, wanting the focus off of me for one second. I look up at her, and she gives me a smile, but knowing her, that smile can either mean she’s going to say last night or last month.

“I’m two months clean tomorrow,” she says proudly, and the dark mood that was once settled over me somehow vanishes.

“Shit, really?!” She nods excitedly, and I pull her in for a hug. “I’m so proud of you, Apple Jack.” She hugs me back, but a full thirty seconds barely passes before she pulls the ends of my hair.

“You asshole!” I grab her hair, and only then does she let go.

“We were getting a bit too sentimental for my liking.” I roll my eyes at her, and she only smiles. “Okay, seriously, talk to your girl.” My head snaps up to her, but she only sends me a bored look. “Don’t bullshit me.” She points her finger at me warningly, but I don’t deny any feelings I may or may not still have for Vidia.

The two of them walk out, and I watch the bottle of alcohol for I have no idea how long. I end up putting it away and cleaning the mess Lis made. Before I can change my mind, I send Vidia a text, and minutes later, she’s knocking on my door.

“Hey,” she says softly, and I only give her a small smile. I lock the door behind us as she walks in. We settle onto the couch, and I have no idea where to even fucking start.

“You okay?” I turn to her and only look between her eyes. Her features look so soft. She has her hair tied in a messy bun,and bags are starting to form under her eyes, but even so, she just looks so… pretty. So effortlessly beautiful. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand how it is humanly possible to look as beautiful as she does.

“Sire?” I shake my head and remind myself to breathe.

“No,” I finally answered. “No, Vid, I’m not.”

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