Page 108 of Losing Faith

Her brows furrow now. “But we don’t make out and fuck?”

I don’t answer and her smile returns.

“I’m going to let you believe what you want since you look terrified. Listen.” She brushes the L word aside. “He has no red flags. As long as you don’t self-sabotage, this is going to be okay. It’s going to besafe,” she reassures me softly and I nod in return as my heart slows down.

“Go back and just go with the flow. One step at a time. When you get panicked, just remember you get to be happy. You’ve been through enough years of depression and heartache. Sober you is the best you and sober you will be a great mom. Either way, you’ll have him to help you learn.”

“Okay.” I tuck my hair behind my ear as I drive off again. I stay on the phone with her as I get the flour.

I’m driving back to Jackson’s house when I suddenly interrupt her rant about her roommate.

“Hey, have you heard from Erin?” I steal a glance at her and her face softens.

“You didn’t hear?” Her voice softens and I feel my heartsink.“Winter was able to get her admitted into rehab.”

I let out a breath of relief, my mind a true pessimist. “That’s good.” I nod to myself. “I was really scared for her after seeing her like that… she seemed so hopeless.” I shake my head as I remember her emotionless eyes.

“Yeah.” Bay looks off to the side.

“Did you ever find out what made her spiral?”

When Bay doesn’t answer, I look at her briefly and she’s watching me carefully. “You two weren’t that close, were you?”

I shake my head in response. “I only hung out with her a handful of times besides when we all went to meetings together.” I shrug. “We texted a bit but not about anything serious.”

Bay nods in return. “She was in a custody battle.”

My eyes widen as I glance back at her. “She haskids?”

She nods again before mustering up a smile. “We’ll talk about her later.” She pulls her curls into a bun before grabbing her towel. “She nor your mom are examples of what you’ll become, so stop overthinking because I know that face.” She gives me a pointed look as she steps into her bathroom. “Go take control of your happiness. Call me with updates later,” she says before turning her shower on.

I pull in a breath, forcing myself to shake my thoughts of Erin for now.

When I knock on Jackson’s door again, he looks surprised as he opens the door.

“Yes.” I get it out before I can back out. “I’ll try.Yes.”

A smile so damn big grows on his face. He glances over his shoulder before planting a gentle kiss on my forehead. “We can’t tell her about this.”

I nod in agreement.

“I was incredibly reckless earlier.” He shakes his head at himself. “You make me reckless and as much as I want to lose my mind with you, that can’t happen again. I don’t want her to get her hopes up. I want you apart of our family, but you said it yourself that you don’t want to hurt her and—”

“I get it, Jackson,” I cut him off.

He nods in return before kissing my cheek and as he leads me into the house, I don’t miss the hopeful smile on his face.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Jackson

WhenLisetteleft,apartof me thought she was running away and never coming back. It’s why I made her take my car, forcing her with a reason to come back, but she did and it was clear she just needed space to clear her head.

We’re baking cupcakes in the kitchen, and while Isabelle hasn’t called her mom again, I can tell Lisette is holding her breath around her. I’m still kicking myself for letting her catch us and I think I lied well enough, but I know I’m in for a hundred questions later.

It’s not that I don’t want her to know about us. I just rather burn alive than let my little girl get hurt. Whether that’s her dreams being crushed or her physically getting harmed. Lisette is not in a good mental space right now and I’m aware that she just needs support, but I refuse to let my daughter get caught in the crossfire as we explore our feelings for each other. We need to be incredibly certain before she gets involved.

“Should we add the glaze to them?” Isabelle looks between Lisette and me.

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