Page 11 of Losing Faith

Istareupattheceiling before letting my eyes fall shut. A minute barely passes before I sit up in my seat. “This is so stupid.”

Sire throws his hands up in defeat as he slouches in his seat. “I’m telling you, this worked when I did it with my therapist. Give it a chance.”

I restrain from rolling my eyes at him. “And I’m happy you’re doing well with your shrink, but I can’t close my eyes andlocate where my feelings are manifesting from.I’m depressed, there’s nothing more to it.”

He gives me a bored look. “There’s probably more to it.”

“Or maybe I just have clinical depression because it runs in my shitty genes? Or maybe it’s because I’m an addict? Nothingtriggeredme. I woke up sad and I wanted to drink. You’re my sponsor, help me feel better.” I lean back in my seat again.

He watches me before getting up from his seat. I let out a defeated breath as he walks away, but he’s back less than a minute later. He drops a tiny bottle of vodka on my lap, and I feel my brows furrow as I sit up in my seat.

“This is an exercise I do with Kayden,” he mentions his sponsor. “When all else is failing, it makes me feel accomplished when I have my temptations close and still resist it. Keep that bottle with you for a few days. If it’s too much, call me and we can try something else, but keeping it will prove to yourself that you’re not doing as bad as you think.”

I keep my eyes on the bottle before I take it in my hands. I can feel the pull in me to take a small sip, but I simply squeeze it in my hand before tucking it away.

When the door swings open, Vidia’s dog comes running in and a little girl chases after her.

“Come here!” She laughs behind the dog and I study her for a beat, trying to figure out whose offspring this is. When she turns and I see her big gray eyes, I quickly recognize her.

Isabelle yanks Athena’s tail, and when she lets out a bark, she jumps back. I laugh at the panic in her face as she runs over and climbs the couch next to my brother.

“She’s going to bite you,” I whisper to her, and when Athena comes closer, her teeth showing in innocent excitement, Isa hides behind Sire.

“NO!”

I slightly jump at how loud she screams, but when she starts crying I roll my eyes before rising from the couch.

“Lisette, what is wrong with you?” Sire pulls Isabelle into his arms and she clings to him as if Athena already bit her. “She’s nice, princess. She’s not going to bite you. Look at her.”

Sire bends over to pet the dog, but Isa squirms in his arms, begging him not to be put down. I laugh at them and when Vidia looks over at me, she rolls her eyes.

“Jackson is going to kill you if she tells him you made her cry.”

I don’t tell her I don’t care because I’m sure she knows, but when I look back down at Isa, it always surprises me how much she resembles her dad and it’s more than just his blond curls and gray eyes.

“He hassucha cute kid”—I shake my head at myself, skipping over her threat—“When she isn’t screaming and crying.” I walk into the kitchen. I pour myself a cup of juice as I watch Vidia wipe away Isabelle’s tears.

“She’s mean,” Isabelle tries to whisper but fails terribly.

“She can hear you,” I whisper loud enough for her to hear, and take a sip of my juice, but when she looks over at me, the little asshole sticks her tongue out at me.

Vidia clearly bites back a laugh before Sire puts her down and she walks over to me like her name is on the building. “I donotwant to be your friend.”

“Well that hurts my feelings,” I voice dryly as I walk past her. I think she says something behind me, but she stumbles over her words so I ignore her and head for the couch.

Laying my head on the pillow, I keep my eyes shut as my head runs with a million different reasons to drink the bottle that’s burning a hole through my pocket.

A weight settles in my chest the more I think about it and Ijustwant to sleep. For like, a few months. I think a six-month nap will help me reset.

I feel someone soothing my hair and I think it’s Vidia, but when I open my eyes Isabelle is looking down at me. “I like your hair.”

I focus on her for a beat and she just keeps her eyes on my hair. “Remind me how old you are, kiddo?”

“I’m five.” She puts up a hand.

I nod slowly as I study her. She’s on the smaller side for a five-year-old.

“Did I really hurt your feelings?”

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