Page 159 of Losing Faith

“Can I go in the pool?” She smiles up at me and I can’t say no to that face.

“Yeah, go change. I’ll meet you downstairs.”

She races off and as I walk downstairs, I hold onto the rail carefully.

It takes me nearly five minutes to compute how the retractable pool cover works. When Isabelle instructs me to the keypad on the wall in Jackson’s office, I get the code right on the first try as I put in his daughter’s birthday.

Sitting by the pool, I kick my feet in the water as I lay back on my elbows.

The last few days have been so peaceful. When I go out and waste the night by getting drunk, I wake up feeling like shit. Butnow,with just small sips to keep the thoughts at bay, it feels good. It feels good to have control.

Isabelle races past me and with my fingers in my mouth, I whistle at her like a lifeguard would. “Walk!”

She breaks into a laugh as she jumps into the pool and I watch her, a smile plastered on my face as she splashes about.

“You should get in.”

“No, thanks, kiddo.” I kick my feet to splash her and when she splashes me back, I don’t even care about my favorite hoodie getting wet. Her laugh is too precious to care about anything.

You should’ve stayed sober for that laugh.

My smile slowly fades as the guilt seeps in.

You’ve been drunk the lastfourdays. You’re going to scar her like your mom did you.

I quickly rise from the pool edge, needing an escape.

“Watch my pirouette.” Belle shows me her ballet skills and I watch with a forced smile before I need air.

“I’ll be right back, babe. Stay in the shallow end.” I rush into the house before she can reply. In the living room, I find the water bottle I’ve been refilling with the liquor bottle I bought and hid in my car.

I feel like I’mdrippingin dirty shame every time I go out to my car to fill my bottle, but a few sips take it away. Now I feel disgusting as I stand in Jackson’s house,drunk.

The tears prickle in my eyes and I quickly down the rest of the liquor before a lump grows in my throat. I gag after swallowing too much at once, but I keep it down.

Sitting on the couch, I wait for the liquor to drown the thoughts.

Jackson

“I don’t know what youwant me to tell you, kid,” I tell Rome, my phone pressed to my ear as I walk into the house.

“I would love for you to tell me the Hale brothers are going to be at my game this weekend.”

“They’re busy,” I tell him for the third time, dropping off the grocery bags in the kitchen before heading to my office. “They’ve been watching you play on TV and—”

“I look better in person,” Rome pleads.

“You sound like a teenage girl.” I roll my eyes as I walk down the hall.

“How are they always busy when I have a game?”

“Maybe they’re grown men with lives of their own? I’m sincerely sorry they’re not waiting around for when they can watch youplaythe thing they do for a living.”

He stifles a laugh on the other end and I roll my eyes at him with a smile of my own before walking around my desk and turning on my computer.

“Okay, here it is.” I click on the email chain I had with his coach. “I was right, like I knew I was. Youdon’thave a game this weekend, it’snextweekend. I honestly tried my best to get him to fold, but you’re still suspended.”

Glancing behind my screen, Isabelle’s smile catches my eye as she splashes in the pool. My brows furrow as I look over at the open keypad that controls the pool cover. Assuming Lisette guessed the easy code, I tap on the button on the wall and the window slides open.

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