Page 201 of Losing Faith

5:31PM

1 missed call from Mom

5:44PM

Mom

Call me or your father is sending his team to look for you.

5:47PM

Chapter Sixty-One

Jackson

Mykneesarestartingtohurt as I scrub the kitchen floors. As I see the pantry in the corner of my eyes, I rise to my feet. Slipping my gloves off, I head for the door and when I flick the light on, my panic only grows.

We haven’t heard from Lisette in a week. I can’t think of anything else but her and it just feels like everything is going to shit, especially with the way the pantry looks right now. Everything is a mess from making breakfast this morning.

I start reorganizing the food, but I suddenly feel like I can’t breathe in the small closet. Taking a step out, I catch my breath before rushing back and taking as much as I can hold. Setting it on the counter, I hold my breath before running back inside, making more trips than I can count to empty the pantry.

I’m scrubbing the floors and walls in there too and my nerves begin to settle, but as I step outside, the kitchen is a mess again. My breath quickens as I take a step back. Trapping myself in the pantry, I sink into the ground. I tap my head in a smoothing beat, but when the intrusive thoughts are too loud, I pull out my phone.

I call Sire and he answers on the first ring.

“Did Lis call?”

“Sire.” I take a calming breath as I collect my thoughts. “I need you to go pick up Isabelle from school and bring her here.” I shut my eyes before pulling my knees to my chest.

“What? Why do you sound like that? What—”

“Sire,” I snap, my voice scaring me. “Please go pick up my daughter, okay? I need her with me. I need to see with my own eyes that she’s okay.”

There’s something shuffling on his end. “Okay, but I’m not on her blue card anymore. Call them and tell them I’m going to get her.”

I nod in return and focus on that small task.

They give me a bit of pushback when I call, but they tell me they’ll release her to Sire when he gets there. Hanging up, my eyes land on my therapist’s emergency number and with shaking hands, I hit her number.

After a few rings, she answers. “Hi, Jackson. What’s going on?”

I rest my head against the wall as I hold my phone tighter. “There’s been no news from Lisette.” I shake my head as I glance at the door and it’s as if it’s going to eat me alive if I open it and let the mess in here.

“Are you in a safe space?”

I nod in return before shutting my eyes. “My house is a mess. Everything is a mess. I can’tfixanything and I just need to get out of here.”

“Everything is not a mess,” Julia tries to reassure me. “Think of something you have control over and focus on that.”

I shake my head in return as nothing comes to mind. “I’m trapped.” A lump grows in my throat. “What if she’s dead?” I tap the floor beside me, grasping for something to bring me comfort.

“Jackson, what do you see right now?”

I glance around the tight space. “My pantry.” I choke out. “I emptied it to clean, but now the kitchen is awreck.I can’t open the door. I’m stuck here.”

“Okay, okay,” Julia’s voice is calm and I try to focus on that, knowing this isn’t that bad if she’s acting so calm. “Jackson, you’re having a panic attack. Breathe in as I count. In one, two three—”

“I need to wash it away, but I can’t get out of here.”

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