Page 202 of Losing Faith

“Jackson, breathe with me.” She counts again, but with every intrusive thought that enters my mind, my body pulls me to complete a compulsion, but I’m fucking stuck in here and Ican’t.I can’t wash my hands, I can’t tap the front door or the kitchen counter.

“She’s dead, isn’t she?” I feel my eyes prickling with tears and when my phone falls, I hear Julia’s soft voice, but I can’t answer her.

Covering my ears, I voice all of the good things to block out the bad ones.

“Isabelle is on her way, she’s fine.”

Sire will probably crash on the way here.

“He’s a good driver. He’ll keep her safe. They’ll be here soon.”

Belle probably choked on those grapes you gave her for lunch. They’re probably giving her CPR right now.

Images of her blue face come to mind, but I shake my head and pull my hoodie off, shaking the thought out.

“She’s fine.”

Lisette overdosed.

“She’s fine.” I shake my hoodie out harder.

When the door swings open, I go still at the sight of my daughter’s smile.

“Daddy, we were knocking forever. We had to use the emergency key. What are you doing in here, silly?” Her face softens as she sees my tears, but I quickly pull her in for a hug. Squeeze her tightly, I hold my breath as I rush past the mess in the kitchen.

“Jackson…” Sire watches me carefully, but I pass him and Vidia and rush out of the negative thought-infected house. Grabbing my car keys, I sit in the back seat with Belle.

“Dad, what happened?” She sits on my lap as she wipes my tears with her little hands.

I kiss her gently as I muster up a smile. “Nothing, I’m better now.”

Her eyes narrow as she watches me. “You’re still crying.” She wipes my tears again before hugging me. “I know exactly what will make you feel better.” She pulls away with that smile of hers. “Ice cream.”

I stifle a laugh as I pull her back in for a hug. “Are you just saying that becauseyouwant ice cream?”

She shrugs, a guilty look on her face. “I’ll go make you a banana sundae.” She reaches for the door, but I stop her.

“No, don’t go in there.” I glance out at the house and there’s too much I can’t control in there. We’re safer in the parked car.

She looks between me and the house before shrugging. “Okay, we can have Uncle Sigh make it for us. My foot still hurts.”

“Why?” I glance down at her feet before gently pulling her shoe off. I inspect her foot as she opens the door and yells out to Sire who goes off to make her the sundae.

“I just sprained it during recess.”

“How? The school didn’t call me.” I move her foot around and watch her carefully, but she doesn’t wince.

When Sire comes back out with two bowls of ice cream he watches me carefully. “Here you go, princess.” He hands her the bowl, but his eyes are on me. I avoid his gaze and after a few seconds, he walks off.

I remain in the car with Belle as we eat and she rambles about everything under the sun. After a while, Sire comes back outside with his girlfriend beside him.

He knocks on the car window before slowly opening the door. “That’s the twins and my parents.” He nods to the car pulling up. “Do you want to come back inside?”

I glance over at the house, but Vidia speaks up before I can object. “We put everything back in the pantry,” she voices gently. “It’s probably not how you like it, but it’s pretty organized.”

I let out a calm breath as I turn to Isabelle. Kissing her head, I nod in return before scooping her up and sliding out of the car. I kick my shoes off before entering the house and everyone behind me follows suit.

Gazing into the kitchen, I feel at ease as I take in how clean it is. “Thank you,” I say as I turn to Vidia and she nods in return.

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