Page 32 of Losing Faith

I wash her hand twice and as I’m about to add soap to her hand a third time, she pulls away.

“Daddy, they’re clean. I don’t need to wash my hands so much. Remember?”

I bite my tongue as I watch her turn the water off. “Just two more—”

“Daddy, I promise they’re clean. No more.”

I remain holding her, my eyes on her dirty hands. “Penguin—”

“The deal was two times, Dad.” She pushes away.

Setting her down reluctantly, I watch her carefully as she walks back to the kitchen island and climbs the stool.

“Now, where were we?” She looks down at her recipe sheet and with every second that passes, I’m sweating more and more.

“Isabelle, can I please just wash your hands two more times?”

She looks over at me and gives me a knowing look, and as much as I want to leave her alone, I can’t push it aside. Understanding crosses her face as she lets out a soft sigh.

“Daddy, let’s practice happy thoughts. My hands are very clean.” She smiles at me, but her words only make me more uneasy.

“We can practice after, baby.Please,okay?” I grab her before she can object and finish cleaning her. After the fourth wash, I let out a calming breath before setting her down.

“Thatfeels better.” I nod to myself before kissing her. “Thank you.”

Her brows slightly furrow as she looks up at me. “Daddy, we were only washing our hands two times. What happened?”

I feel like shit as I watch her confused face. “I’m sorry.” Kneeling down to her eye level, I take hold of her small hands, kissing them gently. “Nothing happened, penguin, it’s just the raw food…”

She looks like she doesn’t understand, and it only makes me feel worse for putting her through this.

“Okay.” She shrugs before walking off, but I pull her back.

“I’m sorry.”

She smiles at me before leaning over to give me a light kiss. “You don’t need to say sorry, Daddy.” She lifts her hands. “Now they smell extra good. Thank you.” She walks off and I smile to myself as she climbs her stool again.

When Lisette walks past me, I somehow remember her presence and I feel my face heat in embarrassment. She heads for the sink and I cook beside her silently as she washes her hands.

“May I ask why the raw eggs didn’t bother you?” she voices gently before washing her hands again.

I steal a glance at her as I watch her wash her hands. “They did… that’s why I cracked the eggs for her and then washed my hands.”

She adds more soap to her hands and my heart rate slowly lowers.

“I keep them in the clear container because the ones they come in bother me.” I don’t know why I explain, but I feel the need to.

She nods in return before I notice her washing her hands for the fourth time.

Biting back a smile, I turn to meet her eyes. “Thank you.”

She nods once before walking back to Belle and I want to tell her to drink something to wash out the batter she ate but I bite my tongue and mentally repeat to myself that she’ll be fine.

“So,” Lisette starts, and I turn to her before leaning on the counter. I wait for her to make a joke about my obsession with food contamination or for an excuse that she has to leave after that show, but it never comes.

“I need to have more…” she pauses as she searches for the right word. She settles on, “structure.”

“Structure?”

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