Page 33 of Losing Faith

“Yes, I need a routine. A reason to get out of bed and tutoring fits perfectly into my empty schedule, so what days should I come over?” She pulls out her phone, I’m assuming to add it to her calendar, but her words make me falter.

“You don’t have another reason to get out of bed?” My voice comes out softer than I intended, and she steals a glance at me before she focuses on her phone again.

“Perks of depression.”

Before I can say anything, Isabelle raises her head from what she’s doing and sets the measuring cup down. “What’s depression?”

Lisette looks over at me for an answer and Isabelle looks between the two of us. “It’s when you’re really sad,” I say.

“Why are you sad?” Isabelle asks softly and Lisette’s smile seems more sincere now.

“I wish I knew, sweet girl.”

I can see the confusion on Belle’s face, so I better explain. “Sometimes when someone is depressed they don’t know why. It’s like when I don’t know why I need to wash my hands so many times, I just need to in order to feel better. Until it feelsright.”

She nods slowly and I can see her understanding as I go on, knowing she’s more than smart enough to grasp my words.

“People who have depression feel lonely, and the things that usually make them happy don’t. You don’t have the energy to do anything and their mind is mean to them.”

Belle looks over at Lisette, her brows furrowed. “Even ice cream doesn’t make you happy?”

Lissette and I stifle a laugh before I kiss Isabelle’s cheek.

“You know how I have my OCD?”

Belle glances back at me and nods in understanding.

“Well, depression is a disorder too.” I shrug. “Some people have it and the same way we have extra patience with Daddy, we give extra love to people who are depressed. We remind them of how important they are in case their brain tricks them into forgetting.”

I personally think it’s good explaining these things to her. She’s a curious and very smart kid. With my OCD being impossible to hide, she picked up on every little thing I did. Rather than letting her grow up confused, I taught her why I am the way I am. She’s going to find out about these things eventually, and if I can make her compassionate to people who are different, then I will.

When I glance over at Lisette she smiles at Isabelle, but I can see now that she’s just hiding behind her smiles and jokes.

Isabelle nods before leaning over and hugging Lisette. “You’resoimportant,” she exclaims. “Without you, I would fail my test.”

We all break into a laugh before Isabelle kisses her arm. “Do you feel better yet?” She peeks up at her, her arms still around her and Lisette lets out a quiet laugh.

“Almost.” She squeezes her tighter before kissing her curls. “You’re great at giving hugs.”

“So are you.” Isabelle pulls away before tapping her arm four times. “I won’t let your brain trick you.” With that, she turns back to her cupcake tray and Lisette watches her, almost in awe.

Chapter Eleven

Jackson

“Areyousureit’sFriday?”Isabelle reads the date on my phoneagain, her tiny foot tapping impatiently.

“Well yesterday was Thursday and Friday comes after Thursday. That’s a fact.” I try to convince her I’m right for thethirdtime. “Unless someone changed the order of the week.”

She looks up at me like I just grew three heads. “Who could change the order of the week when Lissy was coming over today?”

I bite back a smile as she watches me like she’s ready for war. “I was joking, baby.”

She hums. “Lisette was supposed to meet us here when I got home from school. Why is she late?”

I stifle a laugh as she paces the living room with her arms crossed. On the table in front of us are the books and worksheets Lisette made for their tutoring sessions, and I’ve never seen her so eager to do her homework.

We decided Lisette would come over the three days I work from home. She’s taking this tutor thing very seriously and I appreciate it. Belle also looks forward to seeing her every Monday, Tuesday, and Friday, but she’s so impatient.

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