Page 4 of Losing Faith

She nods in understanding before reaching behind my ear and revealing a piece of paper with a phone number on it. “I must stick to my strict schedule so we won’t see each other at AA, but we should hang out. Walk the strip with our best Bloomsbury impersonations.”

I let out a soft laugh as I take her number. “I’ll text you, Houdini.”

She nods in response before someone calls her attention. I walk out of the bar with Sire, and when the fresh air hits me, the reality that I was, once again, so close to relapsing hits me.

“Is Vidia awake?” I quickly take the lead of the conversation before he wants totalk about it.

Since the topic is his girlfriend, he easily goes along with it as we walk to his car. “I woke her up to let her know I was coming here. I promised to keep her in the loop.”

I glance up at him and, for once, don’t tease him about being madly in love. I’m glad he has the support system he does. It’s not easy dating an addict, or so I’ve been told by countless exes, but Vidia sticks by him like no other.

“Why the hell did you tell that guy I’d come back here tomorrow? He’s going to be waiting all day.” He glances down at me, amusement playing in his eyes.

“That’s the point.” I shrug. “I didn’t like him. He was gross.”

He slightly pauses. “Did he do something to you?”

“No, caveman. Do you think he would’ve been smiling about autographs if he had?” I voice before he can turn around and pick a fight in my defense.

He nods in response, but when I look forward, I feel his eyes on me and I know what’s next. We reach his car and he leans against the hood before saying, “We’re going to talk about it eventually so let’s skip theI don’t want to talkpart.”

I look over at him before tilting my head to the side. “But that’s my favorite part.” I pout and when he remains serious, I roll my eyes. “It’s the same reason as always. I wanna leave Earth and I’m not talking about traveling to the moon.”

He doesn’t laugh, and at times like this, he makes it hard to cope since he won’t laugh at my dark humor.

“Be happy I onlyalmostchose alcohol over actually choosing this.” I pat my thighs, silently gesturing to the scars under my jeans.

This time he breaks and a smile slips. “I’m glad you’re staying safe, but—”

“Everything before but is bullshit.” I point at him.

He rolls his eyes before trying again. “I’m glad you’re staying safe,” he states. “What happened to our system? You could’ve called me before coming here.” He gives me a pointed look, and I walk around the car for the passenger seat, but when I pull on the door, it’s locked.

“Come on,” I plead.

“Answer me,” he counters gently and the concerned look in his eyes makes my skin crawl because he’s being too nice for comfort. Bullying each other is our entire relationship, but he’s too into his sponsor role right now.

“Open the door.”

“I just want one answer. Tell me or walk home.” He sounds annoyed now and I know he’s not actually upset, but the niceness is gone which I appreciate.

I let out a defeated breath as I run my thumb along the handle of his door. “You know that voice you get? The self-doubt. The constant reminder that you’re a bother to everyone in your life. That calling a friend or sibling is just going to annoy them?”

My eyes meet his but he doesn’t respond.

“That voice was extra loud today and when I picked up my phone to call you, all I felt was that you hated me, so I went to drink.”

Sympathy seeps into his brown eyes and I pull on the door for an escape. He unlocks it as promised, but before I can close the door, he grabs it.

“That voice is lying to you,” he reminds me. “It always will.” He shoves my shoulder, forcing me to look up at him. “You’re never a bother and I could never hate you.”

I bite back a smile and pretend to gag. He lets out a laugh before closing the door and a smile spreads across my face when he isn’t looking.

Chapter Two

Jackson

Itaponmysteeringwheel impatiently as I sit in traffic. My eyes keep darting to the time, and I remind myself that I’m only five blocks away from my daughter’s school. I almost get out and walk because Ihatebeing late to get her, but a few cars start moving.

---