Page 42 of Losing Faith

“Your mom still had her parental rights over me. If she signed them away, the court would question her ability to care for you and Ana. Your grandma wasn’t giving you up and it was just too messy. Kat didn’t want to break up the family more than what it was, so I just lived with them without court permission.”

“And Mom…letyou leave?”

The reminder adds a simmer of anger inside me, salt in the fucking wound. “Yup.” I turn back to the painting, but as I add blue in the wrong place, it pushes me over the edge. I shove the canvas away before standing up, my breathing heavier.

Pressing my palms to my eyes, I take a minute to calm my breathing. “Sorry.” I voice when I register Harmony’s silence.

“It’s okay.”

I pick up Piglet from the bucket of water and settle on the couch beside Harmony.

“I’m supposed to hang out with her again tomorrow.” She picks at her nails and I shake my head at her.

“Why are you doing this to yourself? These visitations aren’t court-mandated. Ana is your guardian and your therapist is an idiot for suggesting you bond with her.”

“I’m the one who wants to see her… my therapist didn’t suggest it.”

I feel my back straighten when her eyes fill with tears.

“I know you hate her, but she wasn’t always like this. She was sober when I was younger. It wasn’t until a few years ago that she relapsed.” Her eyes meet mine now. “I want my mom back.”

I feel my brows furrow as I focus on her. “When was she sober?”

Harmony wipes her tears before sniffling quietly. “When I turned seven Grandma got sick. Mom got clean, and we lived with her again.”

I shake my head at myself. Angry that I’m letting her words hurt so much.

“What?”

I swallow the lump in my throat. “If she was clean when you were seven, that means I was fifteen…”She was clean and never came back for me.

I muster up a smile as I sit up. “You’re cutting school and I’m not in the mood to hear your sister’s mouth.” I rise from the couch. “Get your bag, I can drop you off.”

She lets out a sigh and remains sitting. “Can’t you let me stay?”

“And stand in the way of your education? I’m a drug addict, but I’m not an evil person, Harmony.” I walk over to her bag and scoop it up. When I turn to her, she doesn’t even crack a smile. “My offer to drop you off is standing for the next ten seconds. Get up or walk to school.”

She rises from her seat before snatching her bag from me. I put my turtle back before heading down with her and the car ride is silent as I shove all of my feelings down. With each red light, my eyes fill with tears as images of her with a sober mom come to mind.

It isn’t until we pull up in front of her school that Harmony turns to me, her eyes soft and the clearest of blues. “I’m sure she had a good reason for not going back for you. Maybe she knew you were happy with the Hales.”

I plaster a smile on my face as I unlock the doors. “Don’t cut class for useless boys. They’re not worth your education.”

She keeps her gaze on me for a second before climbing out. I watch as she disappears into the building before my shoulders sag and everything in me breaks. My eyes begin to water as a lump too big to breathe forms in my throat. I rub the scars on my thighs, but it’s suddenly all too much and I feel like I can’t breathe.

Rushing out the car, I lean against the door as I gasp for air. I can barely see as my vision blurs, but I don’t let myself cry, I don’t let myself feel any of it. Instead, I pull the bottle out from my pocket and let the burning liquor force the lump down my throat.

Chapter Thirteen

Jackson

Lettingmyselfintomyparents’house, I head for Belle’s room and lay her in bed before going in search of my mom, who I find in the backyard.

“Mi querido.” My mom lights up, her Puerto Rican accent thick. A small furrow grows in her brows when she notices my face. “What’s wrong? Y la bebe?”

“Sleeping upstairs.” I muster up a smile. “She had a nightmare last night and barely slept. She’s beat.”

My mom nods in understanding but keeps her concerned gaze on me. “Is she the only one that’s beat?”

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