Page 59 of Losing Faith

I bite down and when her smirk appears, I know she notices my jaw ticking. “Fine.” I take a step towards her. Slowly, I run my hand down her ponytail, slightly tugging so her eyes are on mine rather than my lips.

“I want you,” I admit. “But I can’t have you just yet, so this needs to remain rated G until I talk to your brother.”

Excitement seems to flash through her eyes. “Let’s negotiate.” She trails a finger down my chest and my breath gets caught in my throat at the contact. “Rated X.”

“Uh uh.” A low chuckle escapes me. “G.”

Her finger trails lower. “Rated R?”

“G.” I say more sternly, my jaw clenching at the feeling of her nail trailing dangerously lower.

She keeps her eyes on mine as her finger lands right above my belt. “PG-13.” She smiles up at me now, her eyes squinting. “Final offer with no conditions from both parties.”

I should probably do some research as to what exactly PG-13 consists of, but considering I only let Isabelle watchsome, I shouldn’t be agreeing. “Deal.”

Chapter Nineteen

Lisette

“Hello?”Harmonywhispersontheother end of the call. I take in her surroundings and I think she’s in her school bathroom. “Is everything okay?” Her eyes scan my face and surroundings.

“Yeah, sorry to call while you’re at school. I forgot they don’t let you use your phone.” I roll my eyes at the stupid charter school Ana put her in. “Where do you think I was going based on how I look?”

I lean my phone against the bathroom mirror and take a step back so she can see me. I watch her carefully as her eyes scan my frame. Slowly, a smile appears on her face.

“You look so cute when you actually try to. Why do you always wear baggy clothes?” Her eyes cast lower. “Your legs look so good in those. Wait, turn around, I don’t think I’ve seen you in tight pants. I need to know if we have big butt genes because thiscan’tbe my adult body.” She glances down at herself.

I shake my head at her as I angle myself to check out my ass in my new jeans. “We have big butt genes. Eat more and stop following Ana’s new vegan diet. You hate it and I don’t know why you listen to everything she says.” I roll my eyes at her as I get back to the point.

“I don’t want to look like I tried to dress up.” I tug at my tight long sleeve. It’s cropped since all of my tight shirts show my belly and I know I look good, but I don’t want to look like Itried.

I woke up today in a really good mood which I’m trying to take advantage of. I had enough energy to wash my hairandstyle it. I wore something cute and did some light makeup in case my mood shifted throughout the day. Look good, feel good, and all that mojo.

Then I remembered Jackson, and I are hanging out today and I’ll be damned if I let a man think I got cute for him.

When he called me last night, I was in the middle of drowning my loneliness in a painting. As desperate as it sounds, hearing both he and Isabellewantedto hang out with me made my whole night.

I don’t like inviting myself places—the fear of being unwanted or bothering is too great. Everyday I hold my breath when I call my friends or family, afraid they’re going to wake up and decide they don’t want to deal with me.

Then Jackson called me and all night he made me feel… important. He didn’t necessarily do anything, but him wanting me around made me feel like my presence mattered. Like Idon’ttake up too much space. Like I’mnottoo loud and annoying.

When men make me feel that way, it’s usually when I’m naked, and while I always tease Jackson about taking it there, he doesn’t look at me like a piece of ass. He doesn’t want me around for that, which I’m still trying to wrap my head around.

I’m aware that I can get that reaction out of him. That much was obvious at apple picking, but… he smiles when he sees me in my two day old baggy clothes. He laughs when I make sexual jokes rather than attempting to take me up on my empty offer.

I take pride in surrounding myself with people who make me feel good. It took a long time for me to recognize bad influences and will myself to stay away. No matter how badly the addict in me wanted them around; simply so I can have someone to blame my fuck ups on.

Jackson is a part of those people I surround myself with who make me feel good. He makes me think he’ll miss me if I disappeared off the face of the planet tomorrow.

“Well.” Harmony snaps me out of my thoughts. “I can spot a no makeup-makeup look from a mile away. If you didn’t dress like you don’t care about your health every day, I wouldn’t notice how much you tried.”

I bark up a laugh as I flip her off. She laughs in return before my phone goes off with a message. Grabbing my phone, I notice it’s from Jackson.

JJ

Good morning. I just dropped Isabelle off, are we still set for breakfast?

“Who are you smiling at?” Harmony teases and I quickly wipe my smile. The second I do, she lets out a gasp. “Do you have a date withJackson?” She gasps again.

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