Page 75 of Losing Faith

“You almost look as good as you did in that fire fighter costume.”

A smirk grows on his lips as he rises to his feet to hug me. “I prefer you in this.” He gestures to my shitty outfit.

I hug him in return as I look down at my hoodie. “Liar, you can’t see my perfect tits.”

He barks up a laugh as we settle on the grass, leaning against a huge tree.

Jackson lets out a groan from beside me before standing up. He pulls his hoodie off and I feel my brows furrow as he shakes it out before sitting back down only to stand and shake out his hoodie again.

I’m incredibly confused until he does it two more times and I realize it’s a compulsion.

When he sits back down next to me, he stares at the patch of grass as if he’sfeelingfor something and it must feel right because he lays on his back again.

“How often do you do that?”

He glances over at me before shrugging. “Whenever I get an extremely scary intrusive thought.”

He must see my confusion because he explains.

“When I sat down, I thought about Athena literally biting Isabelle’s arm off. It all played out in my head. Her screaming, the hospital, her prosthetic arm.” He rolls his eyes at himself. “Laying down with that thought solidified that it’s going to happen, so I need to shake the bad thoughts away and sit back down while thinking of a good thought to replace it with.”

He shrugs. “Sometimes the first shake is okay, but other times it takes a while before it feels right and I get the perfect good thought.”

I simply nod in thought as I try to understand and he lets out a sigh before sitting back up.

“It doesn’t make sense,” he voices my thoughts.

“No, but I know it’s not supposed to make sense. Logic doesn’t help you so you do the compulsions.”

“Exactly.”

I nod before shaking my head. “But Athena has never shown signs of aggression. She’s the sweetest dog, especially with Isa. It’s like she knows she’s a kid and she needs to be gentle with her. Why was that your intrusive thought?”

He shrugs as he looks over at his daughter. “They’re unprovoked and random. Sometimes even if I truly know something deep down isn’t true, it manifests anyway, like the dog hurting Isa for no good reason. My thoughts just take my biggest fears. Before it was my own safety, but now, it’s my daughter’s.”

He watches his kid and there’s a protective look in his eyes every time he looks at her.

“How often do you get those intrusive thoughts? That Isabelle is going to get hurt if you don’t do the ritual, I mean.”

He shakes his head as his eyes follow her across the field. “Countless times a day. It’s exhausting and I try to let them pass, but the anxiety fromnotdoing it makes me feel like I could die. Iknowshe’ll be fine if I don’t shake out my clothes or hold my breath for thirty seconds while I run to touch her, but it doesn’t feel that way… it’s like an itch you can’t scratch. It’s just on the front of your mind and it eats at you.”

When he looks back at me, I see him in an entirely new light and not just because of what he said, but because I couldn’t imagine having those intrusive thoughts every day. My addiction is a bitch and most days it feels like that itch, but I’m not strong enough to handle zero quiet days.

Before either of us can say anything, Sire makes his way over. “What’s good?” He smiles down at his best friend. They do their cute little handshake before Jackson nods over at Isabelle.

“Her ballet classes started and they gave me the schedule for all of her recitals. Please clear your schedule because that little girl won’t be on stage if you and your brother aren’t there. You know how the last show went when you were late.”

Sire laughs as he smiles over at Belle. “Send it to me and I’ll move some things around.”

Jackson nods in return before tapping his knee. “Listen,” he clears his throat before glancing over at me. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

I bite my tongue as I look between the pair.

“Yeah, let me just go say hi to Isa.” He doesn’t give Jackson a chance to respond as he runs off to Isabelle. When he reaches her, he grabs her from behind before throwing her in the air.

“I don’t think you should tell him yet.”

Jackson looks over at me, his brows furrowed. “Why?”

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