Page 93 of Losing Faith

A smile touches his lips. “Yeah, well, there’s a hot girl down the hall that I really needed to see. You happen to be rooming fairly close to her.”

For what feels like the first time all year, I genuinely laugh.

He takes a step into the room, but I stop him from closing the door.

“It needs to stay open,” I say, shame coating every inch of me.

His brows furrow as he turns to me.

“They’re worried I’m going to… do something.”

Understanding covers his face before he nods. “Does it need to stay open?”

A smile touches my lips at his silent question. I softly shake my head and he nods in return before shutting the door. He lifts the bag in his hand as he closes the distance between us.

“Our pottery stuff was ready.” He sits beside me before taking out our vases, and they came out beautiful. “I was thinking we paint them here and I drop them off?”

I smile in return but only nod quietly.

He gestures to my iPad. “What are you working on?” He puts the vases away as I turn my drawing to him.

His eyes focus on the siren and pirate. “They look madly in love.”

I smile. “This is like one of those projective tests.” I shake my head as I look back down at the drawing and I can only see the siren’s dark eyes and harsh webbed fingers wrapped around the man she drowns. I shift my head, trying to see it in the loving way Jackson does. I start to make out the way her lips on his neck might seem loving, although she’s about to rip out his throat.

Shutting off the device, I tap the pen against the screen in thought. “You never updated me on Belle’s school.” I let my eyes meet his. “You know, after you yelled at them.”

He visibly cringes. “I didn’tyell,” he attempts to correct me. “I called back and apologized…”

“Oh my god.” I look up at the ceiling before meeting his guilty eyes.

“I also suggested I speak with their boss, and both Dean Carmen and Ms. Rose agreed to only call me for emergencies and update me on her progress at parent-teacher conference.” He rolls his eyes and I smile at how much he reminds me of his daughter. “Hopefully, I won’t be hearing from them again.”

I nod in response before my gaze drops. “I wasn’t expecting you to visit me.” I keep my eyes on the bed.

He’s quiet for a second, but I see him nodding in my peripheral vision. “I took a couple of days to think, then I decided I wanted to talk to you.” He shifts beside me, and when I steal a glance at him, he sets the flowers aside before turning to me.

“I didn’t mean it when I said I didn’t want you,” he starts. “I was hurt and offended, so I was being mean, but I didn’t mean it. I apologize for losing my temper. You didn’t deserve the way I spoke to you.”

I bite my tongue as he continues.

“When you came over for pumpkin carving, and I told you I wanted you, there was not one single sexual thought in my mind, Lissy.”

I turn to him now, my words flying out of my mouth. ”Iwantyour daughter in my life.” I get straight to the point, voicing what I’ve been wanting to say for days now. “I just don’t want to ruin this,” I admit quietly.I’m also scared of hurting her the way I was hurt by the woman who brought me into this shitty world.

As he sits in front of me in a hospital room under my current circumstances, I realize not many men would show up for me the way he did even after the messy parts were on display.

I’ve lost countless relationships for what I am; an addict. A disappointment. A liar at times.

Jackson doesn’t see that though. He’s smiling at me right now and I know he doesn’t see all the shameful pieces of me. Just the tiny ounces of good.

I don’t know when it happened, but I realize now as I look into those gray eyes that I want to keep looking into them. Iwantto keep him around and the fear of that realization nearly makes me want to cry.

“So what does that leave us with?” His smile widens.

I shrug. “My mommy issues. My daddy issues. A brat I love and her hot dad.”

He stifles a laugh and I smile at his one dimple. His big eyes settle on mine before his smile slowly fades. “We don’t have to figure it out right now.” He shrugs. “I just didn’t want you to spend another day thinking you were unwanted. Especially by me.”

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