Page 96 of When the Smoke Clears

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think about the fire.”

I feel like an asshole. Of course the fire would bring back awful memories. “You don’t need to apologize. Do we need to call it a night?”

“No!” Her voice comes out hurried and her eyes bore into mine. “No. I can’t stop the world from turning.”

“You’re hardly—”

She presses her free hand to my lips, her fingers cold, and I can’t help the fire she starts in me instead. “Life has to go on. The pop caught me off guard, not the flames. It just…brought back memories. I have to work through these things. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” I capture her mouth in a searing kiss. “You have nothing to apologize for. There’s no rule about how you need to feel or deal with shit.”

A soft smile plays on her lips. “Yes sir.”

I slap her ass with one hand, grinning at her. “Don’t deflect.”

“I just have to make new memories,” she says as she starts to unwind her legs from my waist.

“Who says you get to get down?”

“Are you going to hold me all night, Cowboy?” One eyebrow hikes.

“I’m not opposed.”

She laughs and pushes at my chest. Reluctantly, I set her on the ground. Her mouth opens to speak.

“Maci, if you’re about to apologize, so help me.” I don’t finish the warning. She snaps her mouth closed with a sheepish smile. Fuck, I love her so damn much it’s painful. Every time something scares her and interrupts her otherwise pleasant time, anger surges through me and I want to break something. Preferably her stepfather’s face since I can’t reach his son.

“You good, honey?” Izzy comes up from the side and reaches for Maci’s wrist.

She nods vigorously. “Yep.” Using the strap, she hangs the camera from her neck.

She’s too good at lying to everyone around her. I stare at her pointedly and she smiles widely in return.

“Come on, Leah’s changing the music.” Izzy begins to tangle her fingers with Maci’s.

“One sec.” I pull Maci back to me in a quick motion, keeping my arm tight around her waist and dropping my mouth to her ear. “You can lie to everyone else around you, but you can’t lie to me, Firecracker. I see you. You don’t have to do this on your own. You don’t have to be strong for everyone. But if you insist on faking it for everyone else, please don’t fake it with me. Let me be strong for you.”

Her body, tense in surprise when I initially grabbed her, softens. She grips my biceps tightly in each hand and looks up at me. “I don’t try to hide from you. You’re my person. I’m strong for them because the alternative is a lot of questioning that I can’t handle. I can only handle healing one mind at a time.”

I lean down and kiss her hard. It’s all I’m going to get for now, because as usual she’s going to sweep this under the rug.

“Maci!” Leah’s voice carries across the area. “Dancing time!”

Maci untangles from my arms. Her volume increases. “Go have some fun. Quit worrying about me.”

I roll my eyes.

“Oh my God!” she squeals, backing away. “Did you just roll your eyes?”

I move on my feet quickly, faking that I’m going to chase her and eliciting a yelp as she runs off. Leah passes out another round of shots, which most gladly take at this point.

Kelly nods at me as I return to the fire, but once again his eyes hold more understanding than he lets on.

“Just love her through it.” His words are an encore of the day in the bunkhouse.

“She’s fun.” Casey gestures with his beer toward Leah and Nick’s eyes whip his way. He bites his tongue and finishes his beer.

I think back to the night at The Spur when I danced with Maci and Leah got too drunk to walk. Nick carried her to the car out of the goodness of his heart, but it’s not hard to see that he’s keeping an eye on her. Maci told me later that she’s concerned about Leah’s drinking habits. Addiction runs in the family, and they have their own set of drama going on. I wonder if tonight is adding to all of that. Casey may be happy to match her shot for shot, but Nick at least seems to be more concerned.

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