Page 11 of Under the Influence

Edith doesn’t want to leave Tumbling Rock. I sense she hopes I’ll order her to stay. Yet, as soon as I tell her leaving is a mistake, her sad expression flips to irritation.

“Rie and Matilda aren’t the only members of my family to leave town. Their brother Felix lives in Tennessee half the year. My brother Otto is staying out of town to take care of his mother-in-law.”

“Is your brother coming back?”

“Are you asking as a rival club president or as a friend?”

“Am I your friend?”

Edith studies me and shrugs. “I don’t know. You were a dick at the party.”

“How was I a dick?” I mutter, choosing to remember the entire conversation going well.

“Well, someone wasdefinitelya dick, and it wasn’t me.”

“I don’t remember it that way.”

“You probably don’t want to be viewed as a dick, so you’ve mentally rewritten situations to make yourself the good guy.”

Both hating and loving how she’s calling me out, I ask, “Did Tuesday say I do that?”

“Does that sound like something Cubby would tell her?”

“No.”

“Then, it’s all me.”

“Well, I don’t think I was a dick.”

Edith sucks down a mouthful of booze before turning to me. “I wanted to see if any of your men were worthy of my attention, and you became rude.”

“Maybe I didn’t thinkyouwere worthy ofthem.”

“That’s not it,” Edith mutters and waves off my comment. “I own a mirror. I know I have qualities.”

“Outer qualities.”

Frowning hard now, she leans closer and spits out, “I’m smart.”

Shrugging, I stare out at the crowd of people. “Never said you weren’t.”

“Are you making a dig at my personality?” she balks. “I’m lovely. I fill a room with positive vibes.”

When I turn my irritated gaze toward Edith, I find her smirking. “You are lovely.”

Edith loses her teasing smile and looks at me like I’m all she wants. When I see that need in her gaze, I can’t pretend she isn’t offering what I’m craving.Why can’t I kiss her and see where this ends up?

My family’s love curse feels stupid at times. Nothing is truly holding us back. We’re normal people. That’s what I want to believe, anyway.

Yet, none of the men who married Erin ever loved her. My mom made a good wife, but each of those men left her when they fell for someone else. Just like Kerrie ditched our marriage of convenience as soon as she met a guy who made her go silly inside.

I’m feeling a little silly myself as I admire Edith.Can’t I be selfish and enjoy whatever we can whip up together even if it doesn’t last?

My shoulders sag when I realize the answer is no. Even forgetting all the club shit and how Lola is marrying into Edith’s family, I can’t kiss this woman and enjoy her company. She’s made clear what she wants—love, marriage, andkids.

Wasting her time would be cruel, and I’m rarely a truly bad man. I can’t give Edith what she wants. She might not be able to see that right now. It’s not like she knows about the curse. Even if our relationship weren’t doomed, I’m forty-two. Do I want to start over with fatherhood? I’m having damn panic attacks about getting too old to protect my family and the club. Is that the behavior of a man ready for diapers and late-night teething?

“You’re not being a dick tonight,” Edith finally mumbles. “Maybe you weren’t at the party, either. I can’t see clearly when I’m on edge.”

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