Page 19 of Under the Influence

I consider Duke and me living together and having a kid. If he refuses more children, I can’t imagine giving up my dream to make him happy. He seems stubborn, too. If we face off on the issue, things are bound to end.

“I’m scared,” I mumble as Tuesday hands me a mint for my morning breath. “I got bitchy last night at dinner, but he didn’t seem intimidated. Guys always act like my moodiness is a sign of the devil.”

“It’s true youcanbe devastatingly scary.”

“Duke calmed me down in a casual way like he wasn’t bothered at all. I felt genuinely safe with him by the end of dinner. But I know who he is and how things likely won’t work out.”

“You don’t know that. Did you think Bullet would stay when he showed up here?”

“Yes, because he looked at you like you were a goddess. Why would he walk away from that?”

“How does Duke look at you?”

“I don’t know. I’m usually so focused on admiring his good looks, that I forget to notice anything else.”

“Heishandsome.”

“Why did you never flirt with him? You were such a whore before Bullet.”

Giving me an exaggerated pout, Tuesday mumbles, “Hey, you’re hurting my feelings.”

“Allow me to rephrase. Why didn’t you make a move back when you were fearlessly sexual?”

“Better,” she says and tugs my blanket off. “The problem with Duke is he looked at me like I was crazy. No, I guess he looked at me like I was a weird kid. I can’t imagine him looking at you like that.”

“No, but that’s because I don’t talk as much as you and Val. He seems exhausted by that.”

“Yes, but you aren’t a shy bitch, either. Does he know you’re a tough broad? He needs to respect how you’re Earlham-Mooney strong.”

“Technically, it’s Earlham-Sheerer-Mooney strong.”

“Yes, but no one has time for all that. So, let’s shorten it to ESM and move on.”

“I think he sees me. Like, I wanted so badly to make a good impression last night at dinner, but I got in my head and started thinking how everything was going to end. My bad mood should have sunk the date.”

“I think those intimidated men were right to run away. You’re too beautiful and bitchy for an average guy. You grew up around a special kind of man. Joe Schmoe can’t live up to your standards. I trust your instincts about Duke being special.”

“Thank you,” I say, relishing how, despite our drag-out fights, Tuesday always has my back. “I’m afraid to tell anyone else about Duke. If it goes badly, I feel like it would be too awkward with Val and Lola’s wedding.”

Tuesday’s bright blue eyes survey my room as she considers my concern. Nodding, she sighs. “People will take sides if you guys break up. No one is totally sold on Val’s marriage. He’s acting goofy rather than in love. Everything is very uncertain. It might be self-sabotaging to toss your new romance into the mix. Best to protect the flame between Duke and you until you’re certain.”

“Idowant to protect the flame,” I say and sigh deeply. “We were extremely hot in the back seat of my car. But when I try to imagine being together for real, I’m sure I’m lying to myself.”

“Look, I respect your big-ass brain, but you overthink shit. Duke is interesting, and you want him. Run with that feeling and stop focusing to see how it might end,” she says and slides my hair from my throat to see my hickey better. “If you fall for him and he falls for you, but kids aren’t on the menu, well, you and I will talk like we are now. We’ll ask what matters most and what you’re willing to give up. But that’s not a conversation for today. Because love will change a person. So, let’s see if you truly love Duke before we discuss sacrificing dreams.”

Smiling at her, I admit, “You’re actually smart sometimes.”

“I’ve always been exceptionally clever, but I tend to barf my brilliance in random ways. Since meeting Bullet and Roxie, I can organize my wisdom in more helpful directions.”

I smile at her happy expression. Bullet seemed too old and free-spirited to settle on the homestead with a woman he just met. He also wanted to protect his daughter. Yet, Tuesday’s wild energy made living here feel like a good choice rather than a dead end.

Maybe I can’t work such magic on Duke, but I’m already dying to see him again. He was sexy as hell in the back seat of my car. I know he was horny. I doubt he usually needs to hold back. A handsome biker like Duke is likely swimming in pussy.

Yet, he was gentle last night. He never pushed me, instead allowing me to drive our passion. I gave him a hickey before he left me with one. I was in control in a way that didn’t feel like a burden.

That’s my real problem with most men. They’re either too bossy, and I get hostile toward someone controlling me. Or they’re too weak, and I feel like I need to be in charge of everything.

My ma is a ballbuster, but she isn’t a dictator. My parents share responsibilities. They work together. Neither one gets pushed aside.

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