Page 20 of Under the Influence

That’s what I want: a partner rather than a boss to obey or a child to coddle.

I don’t know if Duke can be that guy or if I can live up to what he wants. We’re both looking for different things. I’m sure we’re bound to fail.

However, as I face a new day—and teasing over my hickey—I choose to listen to my wise cousin. Rather than skipping to the last page to see how our story turns out, I choose to protect the flame building between us for as long as possible.

DUKE, AKA A MAN DODGING LADY QUESTIONS

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Years ago, Kerrie and I designed a five-bedroom, ranch-style home on a quiet piece of land in the Basin Rock woodlands. Erin built a home across the road, so she could help with the kids. When Kerrie left for her new life in Minnesota, our girls decided to remain here with me. Then, a year ago, Lola moved to a downtown apartment. Clover has shown no interest in following her sister out of the house.

Tonight, when I arrive home, Clover is already in her bedroom suite. I hear the TV playing quietly as I pass her door. A part of me wants to talk to her, just to feel normal. But I don’t trust I can keep my mouth shut about Edith right now.

In the unlit family room, I settle into my favorite chair and replay my evening. The quiet house feels accusatory. I don’t normally keep secrets. I’ve never run around with women I’d need to hide. Though I’m certainly not embarrassed by Edith, hiding her makes me feel as if she’s an ugly secret.

Despite running a criminal organization, I live a rather respectable life. I taught my guys to follow traffic laws and avoid unnecessary trouble. We weren’t thugs. The club was our family business. I didn’t allow sordid behavior in the Blood-Red Suns.Maybe I’ve always been soft.

Right now, I feel like an asshole for hiding Edith. I’m also stringing along a woman who deserves everything.

“Quit it,” I mutter to myself in the dark.

All this fussing over whether to end things now is pointless. There’s no way I’m walking away yet. I might even be able to keep her. Glancing around my house, I consider adding Edith and a baby to the mix.

I enjoyed fatherhood. Lola and Clover were great kids. I was one of those dads who volunteered for class field trips and picked up the kids from school when they were sick. I helped with homework and those god-awful school projects. I was the one who tucked them into bed most nights.

Of course, back then, I was a young man at the start of his life. I had a bubbly wife, a recently built house, a newly opened bar, and a recently organized club with my brother at my side.I felt invincible.

I’m no longer that guy, and I don’t know if I’m up to late-night feedings or chasing after a toddler. I literally shudder at the thought of enduring the terrible twos again, let alone dealing with a young teenager.

I pull up pictures I subtly took of Edith at the engagement party. Sulking by then, she stuck close to her parents and brothers. Edith can seem so young. I ought to protect her from myself.

Except I can still feel her lips on mine. My fingers recall how soft her skin was when I rested my hands on her bare thighs. Her baby powder scent remains on my skin and clothes. I’m intoxicated by my memories of our time together.

Edith wants a husband and a baby.Why can’t I be the one to give her everything?I’m not dead yet.

Finished sulking in the family room, I walk through the quiet house to my bedroom suite. I try to imagine Edith with me. What would she think of my tastes? I’d be willing to change things to suit her.

Stripping down to take a hot shower, I try to see my life from Edith’s viewpoint. I come up blank. She’s still a mystery. I don’t know how she works. I’m not even a hundred percent sure what she wants besides the obvious.

I give my dick a little love as a reward for not jizzing earlier. Edith's scent comes back to me, and I close my eyes. For a few minutes, I feel her in the shower with me.

After I find relief, I climb into my king-sized bed and crash into sleep easier than I have in a long time.

I wake up feeling less confident about my plans, especially once I find Lola in the kitchen with Erin. I settle at the kitchen island and mentally countdown to my next moments with Edith.

My daughter clearly went through with her plan to test out her fiancé’s bedroom skills prior to the wedding. Lola glows this morning, nearly dancing around as she cooks breakfast for everyone.

“I didn’t figure you’d come around today,” I mention as Lola pours me a cup of coffee. “Not after what happened yesterday.”

“I don’t know what you mean. Yesterday was a good day.”

“Sure,” I mutter and settle onto a stool near Erin.

My mom gets one look at me and says, “Glad to see you worked out your frustrations.”

“What?” I ask, wondering if I should have slept late to avoid this conversation.

Erin smirks knowingly. “You’ve needed to decompress after all your recent stress. I hope you were asgivingas you werereceivingwith the woman.”

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