Page 30 of Under the Influence

Changing the subject, I say, “I’m going dress shopping with Lola and Clover tomorrow. Is there anything I need to know?”

Duke stops chewing his steak and studies me. I feel him shift in the booth, almost leaning away from me like I might be his enemy.

“Clover’s sensitive about her femininity,” he says in a rigid tone.

“I don’t know what that means.”

“She likes girly things. Her room is filled with stuffed animals and colorful artwork. But when it comes to what she wears and her appearance, she doesn’t like dresses, heels, or anything overly feminine. People razzed her about that, so she’s sensitive about the issue.”

“Oh, well, no one will do that at the shop. If someone hassles her, I’ll casually smack them upside the head.”

Clearly relieved by my response, Duke relaxes next to me. “Lola and Clover are my two weaknesses. I could lose the club, my money, hell, my health could be shot, and I’d adjust. Seeing my girls unhappy, though, makes me crazy.”

“That’s why you don’t want them to know about us.”

“A little, yeah. Lola surprised me by how excited she is over Val,” Duke explains, seeming genuinely flustered. “She got upset at me yesterday about scaring him off. Her voice did this whiny thing it rarely does. I realized how I had been completely blind to what was going on with her.”

“Val never said anything about Lola until after he made the deal. I think his ego couldn’t handle her rejection, so he fell into denial. He started talking about building a house for himself since he was going to spend his life as a celibate sex god.”

Duke studies me. “If I knew Lola was truly interested in Val, I wouldn’t have rushed the wedding. Instead, everything has happened too fast, and I feel like she’s getting screwed over by the quick timeline.”

“No one in my family moves slowly. Even without the club issues, Val would be rushing her toward marriage.”

“Maybe, but I want Lola to feel special for her big day. So, don’t let her ignore the fun stuff at the bridal shop tomorrow. Lola gets protective of Clover and downplays her own feelings.”

“I’ll keep an eye on them.”

Duke smiles softly. “Staying quiet about us being together lets Lola have all the attention right now.”

“You’re such a good father.”

My words hold too much meaning. They slam into us, and Duke seems to move away from me again. I feel him thinking about how he’s already had his kids and isn’t looking to do it again. If I turned up pregnant, he’d pretend to be happy. But I suspect he’d feel trapped.

Can I force Duke to decide right this minute if he’s willing to give me a child one day? I’m afraid to sink deeper into this obsession, only for him to dump me when I want kids. I ought to cut my losses before I get too attached.

Yet, like when I considered getting honest with my family earlier, I choose to keep my mouth shut right now with Duke. I’m terrified for things to end between us. If only I could trust in my family’s magic, I wouldn’t edit myself. I’d stop worrying. I could enjoy my time with Duke.

Instead, I doubt my good fortune and second-guess my heart until I’m a ball of nerves and too afraid to claim what should be mine.

DUKE, AKA WANTING EVERYTHING AND MORE

––––––––

The movie is a monologue-filled snoozefest. We chose it because Edith said she’d already seen everything else, and I acted like I didn’t care. But I’m fucking bored twenty minutes into the plot.

Edith sits next to me, looking entranced by the movie. I glance at her repeatedly and admire how she has one long leg draped over the other. Her delicate hands are folded in her lap. Her face is relaxed. Her eyes shine in the screen’s lights.

I lose the ability to look away and even turn slightly to admire her better. Around the third monologue, Edith glances at me and smiles.

“I’m bored,” she whispers. “Do you want to make out?”

I’ve never been so happy to sit through a dull movie. My arm wraps behind her and I scoot closer. Edith’s lips are on mine immediately. We don’t come up for air until the credits.

Edith wears a dreamy expression as we walk to her car. The area is quiet on a weeknight. The weather is warm, yet I hold Edith like she’s chilly.

I don’t want to end our time together. My head is filled with ideas about taking her home. I even consider fooling around in the back seat of her SUV.

However, she has to drive back to Tumbling Rock. I’ll follow her for most of the trip, but she’ll eventually need to maneuver through dark backwoods to reach the homestead.

---