Page 39 of Under the Influence

“It’s plenty older.”

“He’s not a horndog or a jackass. He’s a grown-up with businesses and a home.”

Ma-Journey instantly says, “A home he shares with his adult daughters.”

“Lola lives in an apartment.”

“You get my meaning. Does he even want more kids?”

Tugging my hand free, I cross my arms and wear a stubborn pout. “Maybe not. And maybe Duke and I won’t end up together. And maybe I’ll be a single mom with a kid made from a sperm donor’s jizz while I’m surrounded by people who got what they wanted. But I’m not at that point in my story yet. I need you to help me enjoy the good stuff before the bad stuff breaks my heart.”

My ma is a practical woman. She doesn’t want to keep my secret or protect my boyfriend. Her mind is on the reality of the situation.

So, I’m surprised when she says, “If Duke is your dream guy, he won’t be able to give you up. That’s just how it works. The only person in our family strong enough to walk away from their dream person was my ma, and she had to move several states away from my pa to keep out of his bed. When we click, we click for life.”

“I want to believe in that dream.”

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to have your first time in a hotel while keeping this thing a secret?”

“I don’t want to wait until after the wedding. All this lust is making me crazy,” I explain while feeling an itch only Duke can scratch. “Also, I’m worried about everyone’s reaction after they know about Duke and me. Right now, there’s less pressure.”

Ma-Journey studies me for what feels like a very long time. She finally sighs and nods.

“I’m going to trust you with this,” she says despite seeming as if she wants to hash things out more. “When Otto brought home a random woman he met at a bar, I thought it was a phase. When Ike decided to marry a stranger, I figured he was overreacting to finding that girl from the woods. Both of my boys knew what they were doing. I’m going to trust you know what you’re doing, too.”

Hugging my ma, I feel my earlier moodiness fade away. Ma-Journey allows the hug to linger before finally letting me go.

“Are you going to wear anything special?”

“Tuesday is loaning me one of her slutty negligees.”

“Which one?”

“A pink one.”

“You know that won’t stay on long, don’t you?”

“Yes, but it’ll make me feel sexy when I wear it under my regular clothes.”

Ma-Journey nods and asks, “What about birth control?”

“Duke has condoms. I’m bringing spermicide gel.”

“Maybe you can try hormonal birth control again if you’d prefer something less cumbersome.”

“I nearly clawed Uncle Emmett’s face off when I was on the hormonal stuff.”

“I know, but there are different pills, plus implants and IUDs.”

“I don’t want to use any long-term options,” I say immediately. “If this thing doesn’t work with Duke...” I pause to deal with the pain in my chest at saying those words out loud. “If I end up alone, I’m going to have a baby on my own. Duke is the best. If we break up, I’m not interested in dating the rest.”

Ma-Journey nods. “I’m going to trust you with that, too.”

“It’s okay to have a drama attack over these things.”

My ma gives me a tender grin. “No, I saw the way Poppy lost her shit over each one of the people her kids brought home. Flipping out isn’t in my wheelhouse. I can’t remember the last time I went Earlham crazy. Well, I admit when you were acting secretive, I did consider tackling you and spraying you with a water pistol until you fessed up. But I fought that urge because I take after the Sheerer side of the family.”

“You know I’m normally a low-drama person, but Duke has stirred up this crazy part of me. I’m afraid of my Earlham side.”

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