Page 56 of Under the Influence

“Well, I don’t know about that,” Tuesday says.

“Yeah,” West chimes in. “Don’t hassle our brother. Isn’t Edith the sneaky one?”

“Your brother is tough,” I insist and frown at Tuesday and West. “Val can handle some harassment. I mean he thinks his love is so much more special than what Ike and Otto found.”

“That sumbitch,” Otto sneers, glaring at Tuesday and West. “You tell Val to come here and say that to my face.”

“He’s busy right now,” West mutters.

Tuesday nods. “Yeah, you’ll kill Val’s buzz.”

“Wait, is this Val thing meant to distract from Edith’s man?” Ike asks, ruining my con.

West frowns since he wasn’t aware of the distraction that Tuesday and I were working.

Switching gears, Tuesday announces with great flair, “Edith will cry if you hassle her about this accounting nerd! What kind of selfish older brothers would make their little sister suffer like that?”

Otto exhales roughly, knowing he’s being played and resenting how her tactic is working. Betty pats his shoulder.

“The wedding is like a week away,” she tells her husband as they watch me. “Once Val finishes prancing around like the prettiest groom in the world, we’ll drag this Philip Grassley to the homestead and find out what’s so magical about him.”

Otto grins at Betty. “You’re so devious.”

Realizing they’re about to hump, I turn away to protect my sanity. While they make out behind me, I smile at Tuesday.

“You’re a good friend.”

“I truly am.”

I hug her while smiling at Oana and Alexis who gawk horrified by the rowdy affections taking place between Otto and Betty on the back deck table.

“Good Lord,” Ike says and shields Oana’s eyes. “Alexis protect my eyes.”

While Alexis reaches up to cover Ike’s eyes, her own eyes are protected by West’s hands. The four of them shuffle away, leaving Otto and Betty to their public foreplay. Having seen my brother grope his wife many times before, I head inside where my ma is deep in thought. I settle next to Ma-Journey while Tuesday relaxes on my right side.

Sharing the details about my time with Duke is such a relief. My secrets have been eating away at me. Of course, I still need to silence myself when my pa arrives home thirty minutes later and asks about my overnight date.

“I had fun,” I say and hug him. “I’ll have him over to dinner soon.”

I’m a little surprised when Pa-Donovan doesn’t push for more details. He seems more amused by Otto and Betty goofing around on the back deck now that their sex thing has shifted to face painting.

My family sticks close together for the rest of the day. Everyone at the homestead ends up outside, grilling and playing games. Tuesday and I eventually brawl over the last donut at Queen Meemaw Christine’s house, leading to a family-wide water pistol battle.

Whenever I get a free moment, I text Duke and send pictures. Soon, he’ll be here with me. That part feels weird. I can’t quite imagine how everyone will get along. But right now, I’m too happy to worry about the details.

DUKE, AKA SUFFERING FROM A BOOGER AVERSION

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In Dunphey, I lost track of the real world. Edith is intoxicating. She makes me crazy and hopeful. The woman feels perfect in my arms, sharing my bed, and on the back of my bike. Our future seems like a done deal.

I get a jolt of reality as soon as I return to Basin Rock. Edith’s dealbreaker comes back to me. If I want to keep her, I’ll need to give her a baby.

So, of course, everywhere I go, I see whiny, stinky, booger-eating, manipulative, dumb-as-fuck children. I lose the ability to remember the good stuff about my girls when they were young. I can only recall the overripe diapers and weird-smelling vomit. I imagine their toddler kicks to my balls and their sticky fingers in my hair. Oh, God, and the constant screaming from their newborn late-night feedings through their teenage tantrums! Though Lola and Clover weren’t monsters, they seem that way once I strip out all the fun stuff from their childhood.

I can’t do it again.I’m certain I’ll need to end things with Edith to protect her from missing out on motherhood. I was nuts to start this relationship with such a young woman!

Walking away makes perfect sense until I see Edith’s face. Or hear her voice. Or even simply read her text messages. Suddenly, the real Edith—rather than just the baby-crazy version—feels impossibly perfect.I can’t let her go.Losing her will kill me. Maybe a baby wouldn’t be a hassle. I can suddenly remember all the good times from my daughters’ childhoods.

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