Page 57 of Under the Influence

I’m back in my “bring it on” mode when Edith and I spend the night at a Rockwell hotel. Arriving in one of my spare SUVs, I’m dressed in my most “middle-aged dad” outfit. The sweatshirt was a gift from Cubby who apparently thinks I need XXL. I look sloppy when I check into the hotel. No one pays me any attention. Edith slips in a back entrance, and we stay hidden away all night.

We ought to be as careful the next day. Instead, after we check out, Edith and I cuddle up in my SUV.

“I considered sneaking you into my house, but Clover keeps odd hours. Erin is also always in and out. There’s no casual way to ask them to stay away.”

“Why not tell them you want private time with your stripper girlfriend?”

Chuckling, I say, “They’d probably spy through the windows. Lola would be out there, too.”

“It won’t be much longer,” Edith says and slides her hand up my sweatshirt. “When will I see you next?”

“My house is about to get more crowded. I called Kerrie and told her to fly in early to surprise Lola. I knew she wasn’t grasping what was happening here. She believes Lola is marrying a loser to help the family. I explained how she was missing out on a special time in Lola’s life.”

“Will Kerrie stay with you?”

“That’s the plan.”

“We’ll still see each other, won’t we?” Edith asks, suddenly alarmed. “The wedding isn’t for a week.”

I glance toward the hotel. The breakfast was decent. Food delivery is available. The place is clean. The bed has solid springs.

“What if I reserved a room here for the next week?” I suggest and wrap my arms around her. “That way, we can show up here whenever we want. We could meet for lunch. Or stay overnight. We could treat it like an apartment until my place is an option.”

Edith’s eyes brighten as she looks around. “I worried about going so long without seeing you,” she says as her gaze returns to me. “I feel like a junkie always worrying about my next fix.”

“It’ll only be a little longer,” I promise and kiss her still-bruised knuckles. “We’ll keep working on our list of things we want to do once we’re no longer hiding.”

“I want to go fishing with you,” she says. “And I want to ride around Basin Rock on your motorcycle while you show me all the important places.”

At that moment, I’m ready to give Edith whatever she needs to be happy.A man in love will convince him of many outlandish things.

Yet, later, when I’m at home, sitting on my front porch, I find myself struggling to imagine myself having a kid Clover’s age when I’m sixty. That part freaks me out.

My brain scrambles for something soothing. I imagine Edith sitting on the porch with me one day. Can she be happy here with no one to shoot her with water pistols?

My mind inserts a baby into the image of Edith on the porch with me. I can picture her wearing a beautiful smile. She craves motherhood in a way that shouldn’t be denied. I can either embrace fatherhood again or walk away.

The next few days get crazy. I feel awkward as fuck at the tux store with Edith’s dad and brothers standing feet away. More than once, I feel Donovan eyeing me, but I never catch him. My mind is likely playing tricks on me.

Then, Kerrie flies into West Virginia early to surprise Lola. My ex-wife wasn’t prepared for Val’s good looks. I probably should have shown her a few pictures to prevent all the staring she does at the pre-wedding rehearsal.

“You’re a good pa,” Val tells me later that night when the women are at McGraw’s Diner while I hang out with Val, the meatheads, and the Rawkfist club at my bar. “Lola needed her ma here.”

My first instinct is to blow off Val’s praise. I know I did right by my daughter. I don’t need Val patting my back all the time.

Then, I remind myself how I’m not only this young man’s future father-in-law and club president. He’s Edith’s cousin. His family will be all tied up with mine, and the homestead people like to make declarations.

That’s why West gives two speeches during our time at the clubhouse. In the first one, he states he’s proud of everything Val’s been able to accomplish in life in spite of his small dick. The second speech is to remark on how he’ll have his brother’s back when Val inevitably fails.

The meatheads and I frown during each speech, but the Rawkfist and homestead guys all nod approvingly as if West isn’t acting like a dipshit.

This is my new life. No longer able to stand on the side as an observer, I’ll be forced to engage with these loud, goofy people.

The night before the wedding, I visit Lola in her hotel room. Most of the homestead families are bunking here. Kerrie and Clover are in the next room. Erin is across the hall. My room is near the stairs. I’ve slipped away once to meet Edith. With our people moving freely around the hotel, we can only share several minutes together before we return to our separate spaces.

“Nervous about tomorrow?” I ask Lola who sits in the side chair and seems lost in thought.

“Not even a little bit.”

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