Page 60 of Under the Influence

“Help me.”

“I am,” Tuesday insists and strokes my head. “Just be rational.”

“I can’t!” I squeal, bouncing backward and feeling under attack. “I know it’s happening! I’m out of control! I can’t be me! I’m not a person of knowledge!”

“What?”

Studying Tuesday, I consider how I’ve tried to be more like her over the last few weeks. I want to be reckless and stupid. But she’s always gotten away with doing whatever she wanted without any real consequences.My recklessness might have created life and ruined my chance at love!

“Duke’s going to think I’m a sneaky swamp-slut-maggot-fuck-face-whore rabbit.”

“No, no, he won’t,” Tuesday insists while resting her hands on my shoulders. “Well, maybe the rabbit one.”

I don’t know what comes over me. My pregnancy panic slams into my weeks of unease over keeping secrets. All my emotions wrap up together and awaken the part of me typically kept in check.

Tuesday backs away when the shrill scream rises out of my wide-open mouth.

Her eyes get bright and crazy. She’s feeding off my drama. She understands what’s happening.

“What the hell?” Ike and Otto ask from the now open door.

“It’s happening!” Tuesday says, bouncing around. “Run away, boys! Run for your lives!”

“Tell me what this is about,” Otto demands.

I turn toward him, still screaming and getting louder. He backs away and knocks into Ike.

“Edith’s gone mad,” Otto mutters.

“No, she’s gone Earlham!” Tuesday cries and jumps on the couch. “She’s giving herself over to her inner drama llama locked away for twenty-six years!”

“Edith, it’s okay,” Ike says, walking toward me with his hands raised. “You are in a safe space.”

I can’t turn off my crazy! I prance in place while squealing like a crazed little girl. Tuesday does absolutely nothing to calm me down.

“Let the world hear you!” she cries while dancing around me and clapping.

“Stop egging her on,” Otto scolds our cousin who lovingly flips him off.

Ike walks around our brother and approaches me as my scream goes on and on. “Is this a lady issue?”

A hurricane of thoughts fills my head, spawning more hand-waving and dancing feet.

What if I’m carrying Duke’s baby? What if he dumps me? What if he only marries me to make a family for his kid but always resents me? What if I’m a bad ma? What if I’m not pregnant and I’m only a few days late because of stress? Have I flipped the frick out over nothing?

Looking into Ike’s eyes, I remember how he was so sure about his ghost woman. He met Oana while drunk. He couldn’t remember her name.Yet, he believed.

Why can’t I trust in the same magic? Is Duke the wrong guy for me? Or has my common sense derailed my trust in the magic?

I can’t ask Ike for help. He won’t understand. He won his dream girl. His faith paid off. My panic will make no sense to him.

So, I scream louder, hoping he’ll take the hint and run away. Ike stares at me as if I’ve lost my damn mind, but he refuses to flee. Otto also digs in his heels and endures my drama attack.

I stare wide-eyed at my brothers and love them so much. How can I admit I’ve been lying right to their faces?

Spinning around like a mentally ill windmill, I scream while fighting tears. Tuesday hugs me and stops my momentum before having us sway.

“Don’t fight the Earlham,” she murmurs while rubbing my head. “Once you let the drama whore speak her mind, you’ll feel better.”

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