Page 63 of Under the Influence

Nodding, I admit, “I’m embarrassed I got pregnant.”

“I know, but it happens. If youarepregnant, you’ll get to go through the experience with Oana. That’ll be great for her. Maybe we should consider this as a lucky surprise. If you’re not pregnant, well, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Duke might not ever want kids.”

“Well, then, he should have been more careful,” Ma-Journey says in her no-nonsense way. “Now, we’ll sit here for a few more minutes while Tuesday swipes one of the pregnancy tests Poppy bought in bulk after Oana got pregnant. Your cousin can pretend she’s late. That’ll create enough drama to distract from your earlier noise.”

“What reason will I have for my screaming?”

“Don’t say anything. All the lies are riling you up. Just shrug if asked. That’s not a lie because you don’t truly know what’s setting you off.”

Feeling a bit more in control, I rest against her. “Ma, I’m sorry I flipped out.”

“It’s okay,” she says and kisses my forehead. “You’ve been waiting for a man for years, and things haven’t panned out like you expected. You’re a strong woman in your element, but change throws you off.”

While Ma-Journey texts Tuesday, I message Duke to ask if he’ll come to dinner tomorrow and meet my family. He doesn’t respond right away, leaving me sobbing like a baby. I assume the worst.He doesn’t want to meet my family. He’s bored of me. I’m raising our baby alone.

“At least, you’ll be pretty,” I tell my maybe baby while rubbing my belly.

Ma-Journey sets down her phone and explains, “Tuesday is bringing a pregnancy test here. We’ll know soon.”

Still crying, I wave off her sensible nature. Of course, if she pulled a Justice and fake-fainted right now, I’d cry harder since I need my ma to be strong while I’m weak.

My phone vibrates with a text from Duke. I wipe my eyes to read the words.

“Should I bring Erin and the girls?”

“No. Maybe. I don’t know,” I type, feeling overheated. “You decide.”

Duke doesn’t respond before Tuesday enters the house and shuts the door on my brothers trying to sneak inside.

“No boys! You drool!” Tuesday declares while waving at them through the window.

My cousin and I hurry to the bathroom where I realize I don’t have to pee. Tuesday brings me a bottle of water to chug.

“I don’t know how you embrace your drama whore side every single day,” I admit once I’ve peed on the test. “I’m exhausted after only a few hours like this.”

“The key is to keep your Earlham crazy to a consistent five. You went all the way to eleven today, and that’s from a low point of a two. Of course, you’re exhausted.”

I rest my head against her shoulder as we sit on the side of the tub and wait.

“I love Duke,” I say and sigh. “Tell me that’s enough to make everything okay.”

“It’s enough,” Tuesday promises while holding my hand. “Nothing has been easy with him. If he wasn’t your guy, you’d have bailed by now. Trust in the magic.”

As the quiet settles around us, I burst into laughter. “I threw my flip-flop at the wall,” I say while still giggling wildly. “Why did I do that?”

“You’ve tried so hard to be a killjoy with a repressed muff,” Tuesday says and pats my hand. “But you’re an Earlham. Our kind needs to throw a conniption fit from time to time. You were way overdue.”

“I don’t know what I want the result to be. If I am pregnant, Duke might feel trapped. Even if he seems excited, I’ll always wonder if he’s only putting on a show for my benefit. But if I’m not pregnant, I’ll probably feel disappointed. I’ve wanted a baby for years.”

“You’re Edith. No matter the result, you’ll tough it out.” Tuesday peeks at the test result. “Are you ready?”

“No.”

“That’s your Earlham side speaking, but the Sheerer and Mooney in you demand facts. This ain’t no thang for a tough bitch like you.”

I grip her wrist and stare into her eyes. “You’re a good friend. I’m sorry I called you so many names over the years,” I whisper and tear up. “I’m especially sorry for all the stuff I said behind your back.”

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