Page 78 of Under the Influence

“I tried to come up with logical reasons for why I needed Edith. But in the end, it didn’t matter what I wanted or why I wanted her. I can’t let her go. She makes me happy.”

After Clover offers a soft smile at the thought of me being happy, I continue, “I want Edith to be with me, so I’ll need to embrace rather than just endure all the stuff that comes with falling for a younger woman.”

“I don’t get why certain people work together. With Val and Lola, it makes more sense. They’re a lot alike. The night they met, everything that happened made them react in the same way. They laughed in sync. Got bouncy to the same songs. Rolled their eyes at the same people. So, when she admitted he was special, it made sense.”

“And you’re thrown off by how different Edith and I am?”

“Yeah. It feels like maybe you were in a vulnerable mood and this young woman bullied you into giving her everything she wanted.”

“Wait, do you not like Edith?” I ask, hearing something in her tone. “Don’t lie for my benefit. Be straight with me.”

“I like her as a person. When we all hang out, though, she’s kinda standoffish,” Clover says and then blinks rapidly. “But that was while you were sneaking around, right? So, she probably felt weird talking to Lola and me while also riding our dad’s dick.”

I chuckle at Clover’s wording. “Remember her at the wedding when that bitch showed up and tried to ruin things? You all chased the troublemaker outside with your water pistols. Edith was right there with you. She’s a more strait-laced version of Tuesday. I think her mom’s the same way with those two louder younger sisters.”

“Poppy claimed she got hemorrhoids when you kissed Edith because she was so nervous about what would happen next. So, yeah, they’re the dramatic sort.”

“Val’s the same way, and we’ve gotten used to him.”

“He likes pretending to be my big brother. I thought he might try to boss me around. But then, I remembered he is Tuesday’s big brother and she does whatever she wants. Now I’m not worried.”

Clover’s always been a smart kid. She hangs back, studying people and figuring out situations. I assume the last few hours have been weird for her as she adjusts to how I’m changing up my life.

“We’re still getting to know these homestead people up close,” I say, and Clover nods. “I’m a little wary about lunch with Edith’s parents tomorrow. On one hand, I’m dating their daughter and want to keep her. On the other hand, I still see Donovan as a rival biker. It’ll take some time for everything to fit in place again.”

Clover studies me. “I like the homestead people, and Val makes Lola happy. I’m trying to be cool with my world getting crowded. But I can’t help feeling protective over you, Grandma, and Lola more than these other people.”

“That’s normal.”

“And you didn’t want more kids. Now, you’re having one. It feels like you’re getting bullied.”

“When I think of a kid in the house, touching everything and trying to escape and crying, I want to shut down things. But when I imagine giving Edith something she needs to be happy, my worries fade. And when I remember you and Lola as little girls, I get a little excited. You were fun kids and made me feel like a better person.”

“You are a good person.”

“Not really. I’ve done ugly shit for the club. I nearly exploded your uncle’s balls because of my temper. But after a long day of acting like an asshole, I’d come home and see my girls. The shitty parts of me faded into the background. I never wanted you to see the bad stuff inside me.”

“You were a good dad back then, and you’re a good one now. That’s why I feel protective.”

“And you don’t know Edith. I appreciate you worrying over me. People get stupid when they’re in love. But I don’t want you to think Edith is tricking or bullying me. She’s been honest since the beginning. I knew what I was getting into.”

Clover smiles and looks around. “I’ll move out and see if I like it. If not, I’ll just come back. I won’t cramp your style.”

“You never do,” I say and kiss the top of her head. “The homestead has all those prefab houses. I bet we could put one on our property if you wanted privacy but also wanted to live here. The future offers plenty of options, but we don’t need to decide anything until life settles down.”

Smiling easier now, Clover reaches for the remote and starts looking for something to watch. When my daughter is in her element, she’s steady and confident. High school wasn’t easy for her. The boys annoyed her. The girls ragged on her fashion sense. Her grades bounced around. She tried several sports yet always quit.

Clover is at her most comfortable with the meatheads. That’s why she runs the moving company and handyman service. The guys respond better to her barking orders than when I do it.

Right now, Clover feels on the spot with the homestead people. Edith intimidates her just like those bitchy high school girls did. Roxie’s teen awkwardness makes her relatable. Clover doesn’t sense that frailty from Edith yet.

I consider how well I know my daughters. I understand how they view the world, what scares them, and what makes them smile. At one point, though, they were strangers. I created them and picked their names, but I didn’t know them. Though Lola and Clover looked so much alike when they were newborns, they grew into very different women.

As I settle in for a movie with Clover, a smile warms my face. One day, the baby inside Edith will be in my arms. I’ll watch it grow up and face its fears. I’ll know this new child in the same way I do Lola and Clover.

EDITH, AKA FROM FUSSY TO FANTASTIC

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