Page 75 of Clint & Ivy

IVY

After Clint and I talked, I felt both powerful and vulnerable. Just like how the doctor’s words left me invigorated yet scared.

My brain didn’t belong to one person. My wild side was thrilled to know I could live my life to the fullest. I didn’t have to worry every time my heart raced. I could meet Clint’s passion with my own.

However, the scared part of me was in full denial.Nothing had changed! I was still in peril! Those tests missed something! I wasn’t strong enough to handle Clint or his world!

A part of me also missed my shut-in existence. There was freedom in my old life. I missed watching TV every morning and reading books all afternoon. No one expected anything from me. I owned my day-to-day existence.

Finally, my logical side worried I was making promises I couldn’t keep. Clint’s good looks and high-end condo were distracting me from the violent life he led. I saw his parents, alive and well, after decades together, and assumed anything was possible.

But my logical side had warned me about Uncle Linus’s erratic behavior before those men showed up. It also told me to pack a bag in case I needed to run. I fought such thinking, hating the way paranoia made my heart race.

I always figured I’d live at the mansion for the rest of my life. Bills would be paid by someone in an office. Food would be delivered. I only needed my living space cleaned. I barely went outside to the yard. As long as I could stream entertainment and download books, life felt bearable.

I considered a scenario where I could return to Reno. Uncle Dwight was gone. Uncle Linus might be dead soon, too. I would have the house to myself. No violent men to steal me away. I could be safe and go back to my routine.

Except that the Reed family belonged to me now. I couldn’t walk away, even if someone handed me the perfect exit. I’d never be happy without them in my life.

Despite today’s good news, I was emotionally wiped out. The real world was chaotic. I wished to hide away for a day or two and let my logical, shut-in, and scaredy-cat sides settle down.

Meanwhile, my wild side also needed to understand how running after every idea was a mistake. Getting my tattoo had been exciting, but that night could have gone wrong in many ways. I didn’t know anything about tattoo maintenance. I only wanted to do something fun with a person who would accept me. Except she hadn’t.

Clint and his family had embraced me, though. And they didn’t rush into random directions, seeking out experiences. Clint was smart, always watching people and sizing up situations. He was logical but never weak.

I wanted to be wild like he was. Not impulsively following others, but having fun on my terms.

As Clint and I prepared to leave for the evening, Shay squeezed me tight. “You did so well today.”

“Only because you were there.”

Shay stroked my head, seeming to want me to stay. Clint casually separated us.

“We’ll be back tomorrow for dinner, okay?” he said to his parents as he handed Hanzee’s carrier to me.

“I’ll cook,” I told them. “I don’t know what yet, but I want to cook for people.”

Smirking at Sutter, Ford said, “We’ll stock up on frozen pizza just in case something goes wrong with her cooking.”

I smiled over getting razzed in the way the family messed with each other. I was already part of their inner circle.

On the drive to the condo, I considered what I could make for the Reed family. Next to me, Clint seemed calm. The longer I knew him, the easier he was to read. That was why I sensed his tension when we passed a car leaving the garage.

“I need to check on a club brother,” Clint said after he parked the truck and turned to me. “If you don’t feel like meeting anyone new, I can bring you and Hanzee to the condo first.”

I didn’t immediately respond. I asked myself what I truly wanted versus what I thought Clint would like to hear.

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