Page 5 of The Love of Priest

You begin to replenish yourself. You rid your mind of anything related to him. When he does come back, you’ll want him to think you haven't missed him at all, you haven't longed for him or even wondered about him. You're so far past it that you forgot he even existed. At least that's what you're hoping you're depicting. He goes with it for the sake of making you want him ten times more. He lets you believe you are moving on from him, that you didn't think of him at all, and that he was just a memory that was beginning to fade away. You're happy you've pulled it off. Now you're complete.

You give him access to everything once more- your mind, your soul, your body. He gives you everything you've longed for, answers all the questions you were wondering.You let him back in. You can’t help it. He's the best you’ve ever had, and because he’s just elevated you back to the top of his list, you're now the best he’s ever had.

The sex is exhilarating. The talks hold the same kind of substance. The phone calls still cause your stomach to do somersaults and your heart to race. You're back. He's back!

The repetitive cycle has now come back for a recurrence after an entire month. You can’t be more fulfilled and happier. Nothing could take this from you.

Guess what, though? He still holds all the power and control.

That was Britain.

In every single way, shape and form. She allowed unlimited access, accepted way too many apologies, and loved way too hard. She allowed disrespect and submitted to her man completely. She did anything to keep him pleased and happy, so she knew he would always come back.

She had been through it so much and for so long, she didn't even endure the stages of regret, longing, and wonder anymore. Why regret something she will always return to? Why long for something that will always come back? Why wonder when she’s been through it so much that she already has all the answers?

Britain had grown accustomed to the cycle of what she thought was love but was only pain and toxicity.

It was her life, though. She did as she pleased.

"C'mon, Brit. get up." Britain felt a tap on her waist.Her eyes sauntered down to the frame that lay underneath her. His eyes were warm, loving even. The brown in his orbs reminded her of his smooth, umber-brown skin. She examined his perfectly constructed jawline. His bone structure was exquisite, chiseled and sharp in all the right places. His long lashes always had Britain wrapped around his finger. He was unaware of the effect his lashes had on her, and he unintentionally batted them whenever he came crawling back to apologize. The plump and pouty set of lips he had gave her the best kisses on both sets of her lips. He was a masterpiece. His name was Cameron. He had Britain stuck.

"Why should I?" Britain smirked down at him. This was one of their good days. Sex took place late at night and somehow weaved into the morning. It was make-up sex, of course. Cameron has just dragged his way back into Britain's life after falling off the face of the earth for a whole two weeks.

A light smile sprawled onto Cameron's face. "I gotta get up for work," he informed her.Britain nodded her head and rolled right off him, sliding his shaft out of her core. She landed right beside him on the bed. Staring up at the ceiling, she draped the comforter loosely around her bare body.

She could hear Cameron let out a sigh. "I'll be back after work. Have something prepared for me when I get back, will you?"

Absentmindedly, Britain nodded her head before running her fingers through her hair. "Yeah, I will," she assured him. "Any requests?"

Cameron leaned over and applied a kiss onto her forehead. "Make my favorite." With that, he got out of bed. Britain hawked her eyes over his naked frame as he trotted to her bathroom to get ready for work.

Repetitive fucking cycle.

"Love you, Cam. Have a good day at work," Britain, who was now out of bed and dressed in a pair of shorts and sports bra, said to Cameron while he was on the verge of wading out the door without acknowledging her at all.

"Thanks. Stay gorgeous." He winked at her. Just as easily as Cameron was able to slip in the night before, he slipped out.

Britain started on her own day. She got cleaned up, dressed, and ready to head out. She’d rather not stay home alone and allow the thoughts of Cameron to linger in her mind. With her phone on speaker in her hand, she dialed up a good friend's number. "Breakfast on me this morning?" Britain offered with a smile.

She could hear her friend let out a light little laugh. "Definitely. I'll go get ready now."

Britain clapped her hands. "Yay! I'll come pick you up. Love you, Jadey."

"Love you too, Britain." The call ended.

"At least she says it back to me," Britain murmured to herself.

It didn't take long before she and Jadey were sitting right before each other at Havana Cafe. "I don't know, Jadey. I just want that feeling, y'know?" Britain shrugged her shoulders.

"Trust me, honey. You won't get that feeling panting after him and being his little lap dog. I won't advise you to let him go because it isn't my life, but just be careful. He seems careless." Jadey leaned back in her seat with a revolted face at the thought of Cameron. Although Britain had been in this ongoing cycle with Cameron for a little over a year now, Jadey had yet to meet him, and she thought that was best. Jadey spoke her mind a little too much, and Cameron was nothing nice either. Things would turn left immediately once they crossed paths.

Britain let out a sigh. Her eyes wandered around the restaurant. She saw couples who were happy together enjoying each other's presence. That was how it used to be. Now, she'd be lucky if Cameron picked up the phone for her on the last ring. "I'm so tired, Jadey. I don't know what else to do," she admitted.

Thoughts of cutting all communication with him ran through her mind constantly. He wasn't treating her how she wanted to be treated. He never even admitted that he loved her, but he demanded Britain to continue telling him she loved him. The situation was kind of sinister for anyone on the outside looking in.

"The things you want come to you when you stop searching, Brit. Just breathe and take a step back. Let God lead the way instead of you making all the power plays all the time. You'll live," Jadey reassured her.

Britain couldn't help but feel small at the fact that Jadey was completely right. She trusted the wrong man in her life. Cameron was no God. She didn't understand why she continued treating him like he was.

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