Page 101 of The Love of Priest

"I only had intentions of filling it up with endless poems and staining the pages with tears as I cried myself to sleep night after night. I started from the back. I just felt like it was the right thing to do, especially since I wanted to put my sadness behind me," she shrugged.

Priest watched as she flipped through endless pages that contained story after story from people she'd met. Priest even managed to catch his story amongst the continuous flipping. Once she got to the end, she stopped and allowed Priest’s eyes to scan the page. Her penmanship was so neat and beautiful. Her fleeting emotions were captured in cursive, yet emphasized by the multiple stains of tears that wrinkled speckled spots onto the page.

"I cried a lot. I still do," she admitted as she gazed down at the page.

"Why don't you tell me?" Priest asked as he rested his head on her shoulder.

Britain shrugged. "I don't know. What man would like to hear that the woman he loves is still crying over the damages from another man?"

"One who’s willing to help you heal and become stronger. I don't want to strip you of your backbone. I want to strengthen it." His low voice graced her ears, causing a sudden warmness to fill her body. He kissed her cheek, causing a small smile to grace her face.

"I wrote this while I was sitting right there." She extended her arm, pointing at the left corner of her bedroom. "My boyfriend at the time had just pulled another disappearing act after I told him I was pregnant." Britain shook her head.

"Disappearing act?" Priest asked in need of more context.

Britain nodded in confirmation. "Yeah. Whenever I did something he didn't like, he'd disappear for a few days, even weeks at a time," she explained. Cameron always made her believe his disappearances were warranted by her actions and weren't just some malicious acts he pulled. "Me being pregnant definitely wasn't something he liked or even appreciated. He just left, and from that moment on, I just knew I would be doing everything on my own. I didn't tell many people that I was pregnant. I was far too embarrassed to. The only people who knew were my family and Jadey because I needed some sort of support during that kind of life changing experience. Jadey and my mom went to all my appointments, threw me an extremely intimate baby shower, and did everything they were supposed to be doing," she explained.

"My pregnancy was hard. Since I was so depressed, it was almost as if my body was fighting to stay healthy and carry out the pregnancy. I lost a lot of weight, barely even ate, and my stress levels were always high until I reached the end of my second trimester. The turnaround was abrupt and sudden, but I was so grateful for it. I started to gain weight. I was happier and just in complete bliss that I would be mothering a baby girl. Toward the end of my pregnancy, I went shopping for the baby with Jadey, and I just so happened to run into him and his now wife," Britain chuckled out bitterly, trying her best to keep her composure even now.

"The first thing he said to me was, “congratulations on the pregnancy, Brit,” as if he didn't play a part in creating the baby in the first place. I couldn't even look at him. I just kept my eyes on the woman he was with. She looked so happy to be with him, and it was evident that he was treating her right. It hurt me, but there was nothing I could do. Even if I aired him out, he still wouldn't be with me or be there for my daughter, so I just let it go. I thanked him and just went about my day," Britain shrugged. "I didn't realize how much that interaction killed me until I got home. I cried for hours upon hours. Woke up the next morning just to cry half of the day away. I was hurt that I couldn't give my daughter what my mom gave me. She was a strong and doting mother, even before my stepdad came into the picture, and for some reason, I knew I couldn't be the woman she was for me.

"My due date was nearing. I remember it being a dark Thursday night in April. It was storming outside, and for the life of me, I couldn't get comfortable enough in bed to sleep through the night. I was taking little cat naps. The pain in my back was excruciating, and I was experiencing pains in my stomach, but Google assured me they were just Braxton-Hicks, so I thought nothing of it until I woke up from one of my many cat naps screaming in pain. I wasn't sure how it had escalated to that point, but it did. I remember sitting up and just breathing in and out, trying my best to cope with the pain until the rain cleared. I prayed and prayed that I wasn't gonna give birth right at that moment. My mom was all the way in Connecticut with my stepdad for work, and Jadey had a conference in Boston and was set to return the following day. I was alone, had no idea what to do, and petrified since I still had fifteen days to go. I finally found the strength to get up and out of the bed. Almost instantly, my water broke," Britain breathed. Her tone was airy and emotionless as she detailed the heavy details of that night.

Priest secured his arms around her tighter. She needed the comfort and reassurance of him being there for her. "There were so many other things I could have done, but I was panicking. I was afraid and so wrapped up in the thought of bringing this child into this world alone that I just froze. I remember trying to walk to the bathroom and not being able to close my legs fully. I finally mustered up the courage to reach my hand down there, and she was beginning to come out. I prayed and I prayed that no matter what was about to happen, things would work out in my favor.

“The pain was excruciating. Tears clogged my vision as I laid myself in the bathtub with my legs propped open. I pushed, and pushed, and pushed until she was finally out. Looking down, I remember holding her in my hands after she was out, and I realized that her feet were pointed outward, and her head was pointed inward." Britain took in a sharp breath as tears of pain cascaded down her face. She quickly wiped her tears before they got the chance to travel down and make contact with the journal that was opened before her.

"She came out feet first. Her little body was all blue and purple. I just wanted to revive her. I rotated her in my hands and saw that her umbilical cord was wrapped tightly around her neck. I unwrapped it and held her in my arms, trying to perform CPR in hopes of getting her to breathe until I got us to the hospital. We were in that bathtub for what felt like an eternity. I just wanted her to take at least a gasp of air so I could have some hope. She didn't," Britain cried out hysterically. Her body shook violently as the crude details of losing her baby girl replayed in mind vividly.

"I lost my baby before I could even hold her in my arms. I never got the chance to see her beautiful eyes, hear her cry… nothing," Britain sobbed.

Priest immediately turned her over to allow her to cry into his chest. He had absolutely no words. Priest knew it would be selfish and ignorant to even think about assuring Britain that everything would be okay. The pain of losing a child was something even the strongest people couldn't fathom. Britain had lost a part of her, a part of the light in her life. Priest couldn't help but to be amazed at how well she managed to keep herself together. No matter how weak Britain may have felt, she would always be one of the strongest in Priest's eyes. To go through all of that alone and still be standing tall and exuding nothing but happiness into the world, that was one tough thing to do.

As Britain sobbed and cried her eyes out, Priest simply kept consoling her. Words of encouragement definitely weren’t needed since he knew she had heard enough of that. She just needed to be held and reassured that she never had to be alone again. For the first time in a while, Britain cried herself to sleep. It was painful sight for Priest to see, but he knew she needed the time to just let all of her emotions run wild to cope the right way.

ChapterTwenty-Seven

The next day,the waves of pain that Britain shared caused a slight tension between her and Priest. They weren’t angry at each other; they were just processing how they were going to return to normal after Britain broke down the way she did. Priest didn't want to assume that she was just back to being okay like any other situation she opened up to him about, and Britain didn’t want to scare Priest off by acting as if nothing had happened the night before.

Only a few words were shared between the two. They consisted of polite good mornings and Britain’s offer to cook breakfast. Although they weren't speaking much, Priest kept an eye on her. He assessed her movements and her body language. Her eyes weren’t filled with darkness and sadness like he expected. Instead, they were bright, just like usual. Her shoulders were pushed back, and her posture was straight. Everything seemed okay, but he didn't want to jump the gun.

"Waffles or pancakes?" She popped her head out of the kitchen with a light smile.

Priest chuckled lightly. "Whatever is less of a hassle for you," he told her as he got up from his seat on the couch and began making his way to the kitchen.

Britain smirked. "Waffles it is, then," she concluded.

"You need any help?" Priest asked as he stood at the sink, washing his hands.

"Came in here to make a mess with your two left feet?" Britain laughed as she stood at the counter mixing the batter for their waffles.

Priest laughed, knowing he was bound to make more of a mess in the kitchen than a successful meal. "I'm good in the kitchen, and you know that." He nudged her head slightly.

"Somehow, I only trust you to boil water," she teased.

"How about I cook you dinner tonight in the Hamptons?" he proposed with hope in his tone. The Hamptons brought them closer and made them happy. Priest didn't think anywhere else would allow them to just breathe and relax besides the Hamptons at the moment.

A small smile played on Britain's face as she looked up at Priest who still had a hopeful look on his face. "I am craving lamb chops." She smirked as she wrapped her arms around his neck before rising onto her tippy toes to apply a kiss to his lips.

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