Page 168 of Five Fingers of Death

“Izzy—” she whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

“I’m not saying that you didn’t suffer. I know what you’re trying to say, but please…do not make some bonding moment out of this. I’ve been fighting for my life—for my sanity! Did you really think that telling me this would somehow help?” I shouted.

“I thought?—”

“You thought you would commiserate with me?” I let out a sarcastic laugh. “I was in a fucking mental institution! I couldn’t leave the house, and I was seeing my dead husband everywhere. But you thought telling me how you were assaulted would somehow help me?”

My mother dropped her gaze, but I saw the tears streaming down her face. She didn’t deserve my anger, but I couldn’t hold back. My shoulders slumped as I finally let go of the anger burning inside me. This wasn’t her fault.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I really am. I understand why you told me, but—” I shook my head with a sigh. “I’m not there. I’m not ready to hear everything you went through while I was gone. It’s all still too fresh in my head.”

“I understand.” She smiled through her tears, faking that she was okay.

The truth was, neither of us was okay, and maybe we never would be. But I couldn’t force a new connection with my mother. What we had was long gone. Even when I was on the island and I was able to call her, I don’t think I ever really felt like I was speaking to my mother. She was a lifeline—a connection to a past life—but it didn’t feel the same.

“I should go,” she said, getting to her feet. “I’m sorry I bombarded you like this. When Jason told me to stay away?—”

“What?” My gaze snapped to hers. “What are you talking about?”

Her face paled as she realized her mistake. “He only wanted me to stay away because of all you’d been through. When I found out he left…” She rushed for the door. “It was a mistake to come here. I’m sorry.”

I wanted more answers, but before I could ask them, she was gone, running down the road to wherever she came from. I stood there, trying to wrap my head around the betrayal from the man I loved. No, I wasn’t ready to see her, but that wasn’t his decision to make. Why would he hide that from me?

I was about to close the door when I saw Eva walking toward me, her demeanor stiff with tears in her eyes. “Oh, God,” I whispered, sure something had happened with Cash.

I rushed out to her, grasping her arms as I searched her eyes for answers. “What happened to Cash?”

Her lips trembled as she slowly looked up at me. “Izzy…”

“What is it? Is Cash hurt?”

She shook her head slowly, and my stomach dropped out. I stepped back, sure whatever she was about to tell me would destroy me. I turned on my heel and walked away, but she caught up.

“Izzy, I need to tell you?—”

“Don’t!” I snapped, marching up the steps to my porch.

She grabbed my arm and hauled me around to face her. “I need to tell you?—”

“No, you don’t!”

“It’s Knight!” she shouted, her breath catching.

Relief swarmed me. “I know about Knight. He survived the surgery.”

More tears slipped free as she shook her head. Everything stopped around me as I took a step back, and then another. “No.”

“Izzy, I’m sorry. They tried to resuscitate him, but?—”

I spun and shook my head wildly. Another brother gone. This couldn’t be happening. “No, he’s not dead. Jason would have called me. He would have?—”

But he’d been silent for over twelve hours. That had to be why. He didn’t know how to tell me that my brother was dead. I grasped my stomach, feeling like I was about to hurl all over the porch. Eva caught me right as my knees gave out, lowering me to the porch as my eyes filled with tears.

“No, he can’t be gone,” I whispered.

“I’m sorry, Izzy. I’m so sorry.”

But they were just words. How many more people was I going to lose to this war? How many more people had to suffer?

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