Page 81 of The Surprise

I think if I’ve learned one single thing from my life to this point, it’s that we get to choose how to spend our time, and I want to spend mine with people that bring me closer to white and further from black. Sadly, that person isn’t my dad. I wish it was.

Badly.

But until he starts making better decisions, I refuse to sit around bawling about how he keeps letting me down. That’s not bringing me joy, and it’s not helping anyone.

Maren’s part of the team that helps get us fitted for our caps and gowns, which surprises me for some reason. “What are you doing?” I ask.

She shrugs. “I’m thinking about doing fashion as a career, and the closest thing to that I can do around here is costume design for theater. They asked our club to help with taking measurements.” She tilts her head. “There’s really no way to make a cap and gown look like anything but a balloon with a Lego on top, is there?”

I turn toward the mirror and decide she’s right. “It’s not really something people wear for fashion, that’s for sure.”

“It’s hard to make your hair look decent with this dumb thing on your head.” Maren’s hair always looks perfect.Always. Emery’s always looks great too, but Maren’s is perfect because she’s very aware and she has good genetics. I get the impression Emery’s appearance is pure genetics and maybe some luck.

“I’m not too worried,” I say. “It’s not like I’ll be making a love match at graduation.”

“Won’t Ethan be there?” Maren’s sideways smile is sly.

I’m afraid, thanks to her question, that my face is close to matching our bright red gowns. “Why would you ask about that?” I shake my head. “We’re just friends.”

“Oh, I know that,” Maren says. “What I can’t figure out iswhy, when he clearly likes you.” She frowns. “Don’t tell me you don’t like him. I mean, he’s super annoying as a cousin, but he’s not bad looking, and all that cow work stuff has given him muscles for days.”

I choke.

She pats my back. “Look, if I’m off base, whatever. Fine. But if I were you, I’d want to look better in this getup than you do right now. That’s all I’m saying.”

“What exactly would you do to look better?” I ask. “If you were me?”

She ignores the other twelve or thirteen students still waiting, letting poor Betty measure them all herself, and tells me exactly how to do my hair and what to do with my cap.

“Hey,” I finally ask when she’s done. “Why didn’t Betty complain you weren’t helping?”

Maren rolls her eyes and tosses her hair at the same time. I feel like I might sprain my eyeballs if I tried to emulate her. It must be an advanced move. “She’s way too afraid of me to complain, trust me.”

Poor Betty. I know just how she feels, and I’m two years older than Maren. “Well, thanks for the advice.”

“Here’s one more suggestion.” Maren drops her voice. “Playing hard to get is a great plan. Bravo on that. But don’t draw it out too long. That can be as bad as just falling in their lap.” She shrugs and flounces off.

Does Ethan think I’m playing hard to get?

He can’t really think that. I liked him more than he liked me. It’s just that it feels like our families have been on opposite sides from the very day we met. First my dad cost them the ranch. They only have it because Amanda Saddler has more money than sense.

And then, after I thought we might be able to move past that, my dad went head-to-head with Donna over this inheritance, with Ethan’s mom as her biggest champion. I hate how much damage my dad keeps causing, but I can’t really do anything about it.

When Izzy texts me asking if I’d come help her go over her very last article for the paper, I might reply a little too quickly. Lately, it feels like the only time I really get to see Ethan is if I have the excuse of going over for something Izzy needs. I know it’s a busy time for the ranch—I’ve grown up very familiar with the rhythms of cattle. The cows are milling around, ready to go up to the summer pasture, and the new calves are all being born. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m stupidly yearning for moments when I can see him and his beautiful smile.

I see his dimples in my dreams.

Sometimes I wonder whether Izzy invites me to hang out just so she doesn’t have to ride the bus. I know Gabe and Whitney never mind, and since Amanda Saddler’s place is next door, I always offer to take Maren and Emery, too. I’ve gotten used to the bus full of kids being in my car.

On the days I’m not taking them home, it makes me a little sad.

This time, when we reach Izzy’s house, Ethan’s nowhere to be seen. I hate how much my heart sinks.

“Are you looking for Ethan?” Maren whispers.

I glare.

“I heard there’s a calf being born right now.” She shrugs. “He’s probably out there, muscles flexed, ready to, I don’t know, catch it or something.”

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