Page 100 of The Lookback

The harder lesson is that in life, no matter how good the day, that joy never lasts.

If I hadn’t been quite so happy about Tommy’s revelation that he had liked me all this time, I wouldn’t be so upset when he leans over, snatches the stack of paper at the end of my coffee table, and stands. “I think it’s time for me to call it a night.” His nostrils flare as he inhales, and his chest rises and falls.

Then he walks across my family room and out the front door.

I want to chase after him. I want to shout and beg and tell him how sorry I am, but the man I know wouldn’t be swayed by any of that. Or at least, the boy I knew wouldn’t have been.

He didn’t flip out on me, because that’s also not his way.

Tommy’s going back to his hotel, and he’ll read through the paperwork, and he’ll think about what I said, and he’ll make some kind of decision. He’ll have to decide how upset he was by my news, and how delighted he was by my other revelation, and then he’ll weigh out which one is more important. Until he has, all the arguing in the world won’t help.

But unlike Jed, he’s not pretending I’m not alive. He was polite, and he was calm, and he will remain that way. He’s been gone a few moments when a ding from my phone reminds me of something important. The message is from the principal, asking me to pass along an email he’s sending to Mr. Collins, and offering him the terms under which he could take over for Mr. Hammerly.

I waste no time forwarding the email, and then I take a screenshot of the message and the email and text it over in case he’s not consistent about checking his email. It could also get caught by his spam filter, since I’m not a very frequent email contact, and I’m quite sure Principal Miller has never emailed him at all.

I KNOW YOU’RE UPSET WITH ME, AND I DON’T BLAME YOU, I text. BUT IF YOU CAN SPARE THE TIME, PLEASE STICK AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO HELP EMERY AND THE OTHER KIDS.

Two very long hours later, he replies. I WOULD BE HONORED TO DIRECT THEIR PLAY, AND I’M WILLING TO TEACH THE ART CLASSES TOO, AT LEAST UNTIL THEY CAN FIND A BETTER REPLACEMENT.

And just like that, I have an ‘in.’

Of course, the very next day, I’m thrown into a panic. Amanda’s busy dealing with Maren, who’s now boycotting school entirely, and that leaves me to manage a reservation mix-up at the retreat while Helen flies across the country for some last-minute work thing.

When I hear that she’s spotting, I nearly break down crying.

How can all the good things in our lives be so precarious? My tears won’t help her, especially if they keep me from cleaning up the problems here, so I keep right on working, unraveling the nightmare of the clerk who apparently spent the two months she was working for us stoned, and by the next day, I hear that Helen’s been released and is coming home. I’m able to message back with a party emoji and the message that, ALL THE RESERVATION MIX-UPS ARE FIXED. AND THE NEW CLERKS ALL PASSED THEIR DRUG SCREENS.

Hallelujahs all around.

Only, I haven’t heard from Tommy, and it’s been a day and a half.

I’m not proud of myself when I text Amanda and offer to pick up Emery, but sometimes you have to take any chance you can get.

I miss Tommy’s face.

Which is pathetic.

When did I turn into such a dope?

“Hey, Emery.” I wave as I walk into the back of the theater.

She’s not the only face that turns toward me, and my stomach flips and then flops when Tommy meets my eye. He nods, and then he looks back down at the script in front of him, his little red pen darting across the page to change things here and there.

Emery jogged, so she’s already reached me in the back. “Mr. Collins isamazing,” she says. “He’s so funny, and everyone loves him. They’re so jealous that he’s dating my grandma.”

I can’t help darting a glance his way, but if he heard her, he didn’t react to it. “I’m not sure we are dating,” I whisper. Then I drop my voice even lower. “I told him the truth two days ago, and I haven’t heard from him since.”

Emery blinks. “But. . .”

“But what?”

“I introduced him at yesterday’s practice as my grandma’s boyfriend, and everyone cheered and laughed, and he didn’t say anything to contradict me.”

“What would he say?” I whisper.

If I could crawl into a hole right now, I’d do it.

The joy I would usually feel about her telling people that I’m her grandma evaporates at the thought that Tommy might have been irritated, or worse, furious. What was I thinking, picking up Emery? “It’s not like he’d renounce me in front of the whole cast.” He’s far too nice for that.

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