Page 106 of The Lookback

This time, surrounded by people and sounds, she latches.

For the first time, I successfully nurse my darling baby girl, and after I’m done and I’m cleaned up and presentable again, she insists that I take her back. I rock her, in spite of the noise and chaos of the reception, or perhaps because of it, until she falls asleep on my chest.

Althea still cries more than most babies, and sometimes I still feel disconnected, but moments like this remind me that she’s my treasure. All our children are different, much as Helen and Abby looked just right in black and white respectively, but they’re each more glorious for their differences.

If today’s wedding showcased anything, it’s that: there’s great beauty in our unicity. It’s something I never learned while I was living in a miserable home, and I certainly didn’t learn it while married to the loser, but I think we’re all learning as we go, together.

It’s glorious to watch our little community thrive.

On our way out the door, Abby slides something into my bag. “What’s that?”

“Just another party.” She looks almost weary, which is saying something for Abby the Energizer Mummy.

When I get to the car, I open the card, and I can barely breathe. “Will.” I bang on his arm.

“Easy, Lennie,” he says.

I doubt he knows that he’s making reference to Steinbeck. He’s just copying me, and it kind of makes me love him more. “Helen’s having a little boy. This card is blue.”

“That’s great?” He stops the car and turns to face me. “Can you imagine what a terror those three will be? Nathan, this kid, and Andrew?”

“I’m a little worried about Althea. She’ll be all alone.”

“Please,” Will says. “I’m just worried about her future husband. Can you imagine dealing with Aiden, Andrew, Nathan,andthis kid?”

“I mean. . .” But I realize that he’s right. This is our family. It makes me smile, imagining the four of them terrorizing the boys who love Althea.

“Aiden will be giddy,” Will says.

“About what?” Now I’m lost again.

“About the shower.” Will grins. “He loves elephants.”

Our friends are so ridiculous that he might be right. Surely the circus won’t come out again, but. . . “I’m sure whatever they come up with will be amazing.”

Will clears his throat. “Can I make a suggestion?”

“What?”

“Maybe order them a gift now. Something nice.”

I’m hitting him again as he pulls back onto the road.

“Also, no stuffed animals this time. You suck at picking those.” Will may be squawking about how hard I whap his shoulder, but he deserves it for mocking me. Abby’s baby shower was stressful squared.

When I get home, it takes us a while, but we get the babies both down for bed, and Aiden too, and I’m almost asleep when I hear the quiet whisper. “I’m the blue dukey demon, and I’m coming for you.”

That’s all the warning I get before a demented blue hamster beans me in the head.

I leap out of bed, wide awake and fuming. “I’m going to kill you.” I snatch the creepy blue poop stuffed animal, and I run after Will. We may be the exhausted parents of two tiny babies, and we may feel like we’re run ragged most of the time, but my husband still knows how to make me smile in all the best ways.

25

AMANDA

I’m not sure anyone has any idea what to expect when they arrive at Helen’s baby shower. I should’ve known it would be fine—it’s being thrown by Abby. She’s not prone to Helen’s excesses.

Most of the shower is completely normal.

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