Page 5 of The Lookback

“It is about Tommy,” I finally confess. “He’s coming to visit tomorrow, and I need you guys to leave me alone while he’s here.”

Amanda looks hurt—badly hurt. That’s what I was trying to avoid. The one time I lied to her, even though it was to help get through her big old pigheaded stubbornness, it almost broke our relationship. I still wonder if we’ll ever fully recover.

I decide, in that moment, to let them in on the secret. I hate admitting my lie, but I’m not sure what else to do. It’s the only way they might possibly understand, and it’s really my only remaining play.

“Can you all just sit?” I point at the family room, cringing a little at the tiger rug.

“Is that a real tiger?” Maren’s peering at it as if it might miraculously regain its strength—and skeleton—and attack her, but they do finally all sit, like peas in a pod, all lined up, prim and proper on the couch.

I sit across from them on a chair. “Tommy Collins is, other than Jed, my oldest friend. And unlike Jedediah, we were never romantically involved. Actually, I was never romantically involved with Jed, either. The point is, I know Emery got excited. I understand why. It probably felt like a story from some movie. It’s not. He’s just an old friend.”

Amanda cuts her gaze sideways, meeting Emery and Maren’s eyes. “What does that have to do with?—”

“I’m getting there,” I say. “Just be patient.” I stand up, needing to move as I speak. Or maybe it’s that I hate the pressure of their eyes, staring at me. “When I was going through all the high school drama—dating Clyde and dealing with Jed hating me during and after, I only had one person to talk to.”

“Tommy,” Emery says.

I nod.

“And that’s when you fell for him?” Maren asks. “Because Emery says he’s really good looking.”

“Pshaw,” I say. “Nothing like that.”

“And what does that have to do with all the bizarre decorations?” Amanda pokes the carved wooden elephant on the coffee table with her foot. “Becausenoneof this goes together, and you aresonot helping me with any design stuff at the resort anymore.”

“I gathered these things myself on my extensive travels,” I say.

“What extensive travels?” Amanda asks. “And how can that be?” She frowns. “None of this was here when we lived here, and all the stuff you’d collected and stuffed in boxes burned up with the shed when you left.”

I clear my throat. “This stuff was in a storage room at the time.”

Maren blinks. “There’s a room we didn’t know was?—”

Amanda stands up, spearing me with a glare. “Make some sense, please, or we’re taking you to the hospital to get you checked out. This is exactly the kind of nonsense someone who’s losing function would say.”

I collapse into the chair. “You all know that I haven’t traveled anywhere. I spent my entire pathetic life right here, but while I settled in after high school, helping my parents and running the ranch for them, my best friend Tommy went out into the world. He would write me letters each week, and after a few years, he started threatening me.”

“Like, some kind of murder threats?” Amanda blinks. “Why?”

I snort. “Nothing like that. No, he said he would come back home and tell Jed how I felt, unless I did it myself.”

“He—what?”

“I couldn’t risk him doing that, so at first, I told him that I wasn’t even home. When I was younger, I always talked about wanting to see the world, and he knew that. So I started sending him letters recounting my travels.”

“You. . .” Amanda sits again, shaking her head. “You told him you’d been. . .where exactly?”

“Oh, you know, everywhere. Africa. Europe. India. Asia. South America.” I scrunch my nose. “I had to put him off for a while. Every time I said I came home, he’d threaten to come tell Jed again.”

“And you supposedly got all this horrible stuff on those trips?” Maren frowns. “Because it all looks brand new. It’s not even dusty.”

“Well, I stored it carefully in the spare room.” I can’t help my growl. “And dust wipes off, which you would know if you ever cleaned.”

Emery peels a sticker I missed off the back of the elephant. “I suppose Tommy might not have noticed this.” She hands me the price tag.

I snatch it out of her hand and shove it into my pocket. “I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

“Let me get this straight,” Amanda says. “Your oldest living friend thinks you spent the last sixty-something years traveling around the world?” She shakes her head. “How dumb is he?”

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