Page 8 of The Lookback

“And while she’s hard at work, I’ll show you around the resort,” David says. “I think you’ll find that everything meets the international standard. . .or exceeds it.”

“Forget the international standard,” Mrs. Park says. “You’re too old to be taking things as they come.” She stands, bracing her hands against the top of the table. “How old are you exactly? Because with every year you go past forty, the chances that you’ll have a child decrease. You should be involving the best doctors in the country. You need to work on this immediately.”

“If you don’t want to get married, well.” Mr. Park shakes his head in disgust. “But at least think of the next generation.”

“Of course we’re doing that, Mom,” David says. “Helen is the smartest person I’ve ever met—she’s the smartest personyou’veever met. You can be sure that we’re handling things in the best way.”

He actually winks at me as he ushers his parents out the door. I’m still fuming as I walk out and head for the stairs. Before I can start down them, David jogs down the hall. “Helen, wait.”

I whip around, my eyes flashing, I’m quite sure. “What in the world was that?—”

He grabs my face with both hands and kisses me. It’s irresponsible, it’s irritating, and it works far better than it should. With his mouth on mine, I can almost forget his ludicrous show of cowardice and idiocy in that conference room.

Almost.

When he finally releases me, my knees a little weak, my head spinning, I blink once. “What was that?—”

“To remind you why you love me.”

“Your parents are?—”

“Horrible? The worst?” He sighs. “It’s a miracle I’ve kept them away as long as I have, honestly. I thought they’d show up right after you called them from my phone in New York.”

“But you told them we’rehandlingthings,” I say. “And we have no plans to get married, much less havechildren.”I’m sputtering. “I have an IUD, David, and I’m forty-four. The chances of me getting pregnant, even without an IUD at my age are?—”

He kisses me again, but it’s shorter this time. “Helen Fisher, I love you. I love your stubborn streak. I love your passion. I love your fury. I even love when you make that face that warns me that you’re about to attack. I know you have no plans for children, but I also know that telling my parents that would set us up for a war I don’t want to fight.”

I can’t help blinking. Several times. “But then. . .”

“I’ve done this with them my entire life. If you just keep tabling the discussion, you win by default.”

“You’re not going to tell them that we aren’t planning a weddingorkids? You’ll just keep letting them fly out here and accost us?”

“They’re busy a lot. They don’t come out very often.” He shrugs. “For better or worse, I’m the younger child. Ninety-nine percent of their crazy lands on my sister, who’s almost your age, by the way, and still childless. In our culture, we’re about the worst two kids you could possibly imagine. So I let her deal with their nonsense and I live my life in peace almost all year long.”

“But if you?—”

“You don’t get it. I win without fighting with them at all. I nod, and I give vague answers, and instead of fuming and threats, they think we’re on the same page. Then I do what I want. It’s really for the best.” He shakes his head. “Don’t worry. There’s a reason I moved to America and almost never go back to Korea. I like it here—everyone lets kids make their own decisions. They act like we have a right to choose things in our own life.” He beams.

He’s so gorgeous when he smiles, and he knows his parents better than I do. “Fine.” I would never ask him to understand the profound damage my parents inflicted on me and Abby, so I suppose I shouldn’t expect to understand how he handles his. “I’m going to LA, and I’m not going to think about babies at all while I’m there.”

He’s still smiling as he bites his lip. “I mean, don’t think about babies, but you could think about practicing making them.”

I can’t help my laugh. He’s a grown man, but he’s still a teenage boy. “I’ll only be gone for a day. Let’s get dinner tomorrow and I’ll tell you everything I thought about on my trip.”

Only, on the way to my jet, and on the flight to LA, I’m not thinking about David and his impossibly beautiful face or his improbably beautiful physique. I spend most of the flight thinking about what he said to his parents. Thinking about what he said to me.

Any way I slice it, I can’t help wondering. . .what if he does the same thing to me? What if, when he agrees with me on things, he’s really just saying what he has to say to keep me happy? I’ve thought this whole time that he was fine with me exactly as I am.

But what if my boyfriend, whom I love dearly, is going to resent me forever because I didn’t marry him and pop out a kid? What if instead of placating his parents, all his vague assurances are really formybenefit?

It may be time to break up with the glorious David Park, and that thought leaves me feeling very, very broken inside.

4

MANDY

“It’s not like I never thought about dating Tommy. He was tall, good-looking, and smart. After Clyde dumped me and left for college, I spent my entire junior and senior year being ignored by Jed, and Tommy was really my only friend.Of courseI thought about him that way, but I knew he didn’t like me like that, so I stopped considering it almost as soon as I thought about it in the first place.”

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