Page 88 of The Lookback

The bubbly feeling in my chest is ridiculous, but at least my heart’s beating properly. “Me, too.”

But the wind’s picking up, as if it can tell something big has happened, and my hair’s whipping around my face. “Maybe we should go inside.” I realize that sounds almost indecent, and I can feel the heat in my cheeks. “Just to talk, of course.”

Tommy’s smile is wicked. “Of course.” His eyes dart down at my mouth.

I feel equal parts ridiculous and excited as his head lowers toward mine. I’m not some teenager, excited for my first kiss. But I kind ofam, since I never was married. I never even had a proper boyfriend, at least, not as an adult. So when Tommy’s mouth finally brushes against mine, it’s probably the most exciting moment of my entire life.

My cardiologist would hate this.

But I won’t forgo it. Not for anything.

The wind whipping around my face is spinning my hair into a disaster, I’m sure. Tommy’s mouth presses against mine, his hand tightening on my hip, and joy bubbles up in my chest.

When he finally releases me, he’s smiling. “How about now? Do I still have to stay at the hotel?”

I swat his chest. “Of course,” I say. “You know I’m not that kind of girl.”

He’s smiling, but I can tell he won’t push it.

“And actually.” I start for the front door.

Tommy slides his hand down mine and interlaces our fingers, falling into step beside me. “Yes?”

“I’m not sure how dating will work. I suppose, with Amanda and Helen to run the Retreat, I could move to Montana. I’d just need to come back here once a month or so for a few days or a week.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he says. “You already know that with Henry gone, I don’t have much tying me to Montana. I’m happy to move here.”

Move here.

Just like that.

“I would never ask that of you.” We’ve reached the steps, but when I start up, he doesn’t. I turn around, tethered to the ground by his hand’s hold on mine.

“You don’t have to ask me,” he says. “I’m offering. You have Amanda and Abigail and a life here. You have friends and family, and I would never want to be responsible for taking that from you. In fact, I want to be a part of all of it.” He’s beaming. “I’ll move here. I’d love to move here.”

I have no idea what to say. There’s no way he canmovehere without finding out I that was never married to Jed and that I never traveled around the world, but I can’t imagine he’ll feel the same way about me if he finds out I’ve been lying to him all these years. Until about ten minutes ago, my plan was to send him back to Montana as quickly as possible, but now. . . He wants to date me. He wants to move here. He wants to be a part of my life, andIwant that, too.

But there’s this huge lie stuck between us. A lie I’m not brave enough to disclose. Because what if I lose him again?

I have to somehow convince him to move back to Montana and be happy with occasional visits. Seeing him occasionally is better than not at all, right?

Right.

“Well, we can talk about it.” With enough time to think it over, I’m sure I can come up with some way to put him off. Some thing that will call him back home. Some reason why he can’t just up and move here.

When my phone rings, I’m almost relieved. I release his hand and whip it out. When I see it’s Amanda, I cringe a little. I just sent Maren packing, and then told Amanda I was mad at Maren for outing me. But without Maren’s nudge, would Tommy have confessed how he felt? Would I?

“I have to take this.” I hit talk.

Tommy walks up the steps and sits on the porch, patting the swing next to him.

But I’m worried about what Amanda might say. If I’m too close to him, he might hear whatever she spouts off about. I haven’t noticed any hearing aids, so like me, Tommy may hear just fine.

“Hello?”

“I’m so sorry,” Amanda says. “Maren has been a total mess, and?—”

“It’s fine,” I say. “Tommy actually. . . Well. Let’s just say it’s fine. We can talk about the rest later.”

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