Page 29 of No Kind Words

“Hello to you too. How did your day go?” It was only this morning that he climbed out of my bed at four o’clock, but it seems like a long time ago.

“It was good. I got a lot done. Thanks for hanging on to Hope.”

“There was no way Isla was going to let her go.”

“Okay, are we all stretched and ready?” Brodie’s voice cuts through all the chatter. “Let’s go.”

We set off at a steady pace. Ben is running next to me, catching me up on his day. Talking is easy. Brodie notices and gives me a sneaky smile. “Okay, everyone, it’s sprint time.” With that, he races away, shouting for us to get our arses in gear and catch up.

Forty-five minutes later, I’m bent over with my hands on my knees, gasping for air. “You know, I thought I was fit, that this wouldn’t be too hard. But shit, Brodie, I think you’ve broken me.”

Ben isn’t in quite the same condition as me, and I’m more than impressed. Maybe it’s muscle memory, just being used to the area and the routes. Edinburgh is very hilly, and I was okay with that, but I’d never chosen to run in the truly hilly parts. The treadmill at the gym, even on an incline, didn’t kill me the way this has.

“Looks like I’ll be taking care of you tonight.” Ben grins, his words and his eyes laced with humour.

“Fuck off.” I can’t help but smile when both he and Brodie laugh at me.

“The offer stands, Jet. Any time you want to.” When I straighten, Brodie pats my shoulder and walks over to Drew and Merlin. Maybe I should ask him to magic my aching limbs away. He’s some kind of gardening wizard, so his name suits. His boyfriend, Trent, is a friend of Merrick, Drew’s partner. He moved here last summer. As did Brodie. It’s all very easy to have them as friends now.

“What did he mean by that?” Ben asks.

“He offered to show me around his gym. Well, the property in general, said it isn’t the same as it used to be.”

“It’s not. I mean, the house is the same structurally, but it’s very different. The barn—our barn—is a stunning gym. I think you’d be okay.” I look at him incredulously. He’s been there! How could he step foot not just on the property but in the barn as well? I don’t know what to say to him, apart from shouting, “What the fuck!” I step back from him, grab my water bottle, and hoof it out of there. It’s a dry night and would be cold if I hadn’t just run five miles. I’m so disappointed in Ben I have to fight back my anger.

“Jethro!” Ben’s voice carries through the still air, but I don’t stop. He calls out again. “Jethro, wait.”

I slow my strides, not because I want to talk to him, but because I want to hear what he has to say. Then I’m going home alone. “What?”

“I can ask you the same thing. What’s going on?” He looks bewildered. Has he no clue how fucked up that place left me, physically and mentally?

Are we going to talk about this here? I want to be alone tonight, so I guess this will have to do. “You…you went back there? You actually went back to the place I was beaten so hard I was pissing blood and couldn’t get out of bed. My mother had to do everything for me because that bastard wouldn’t let her take me to hospital. Or even call the bloody doctor. Everyone knew what he was like, and no one, not one single person, stopped him or asked where I was or if I was okay.” My voice has got louder, but I’m not shouting, not yet. But it’s simmering beneath the surface. One wrong word and I would be.

Ben looks at me, hurt in his eyes. “I did. I went to your house.”

The anger leaves me like the air being let out of a balloon. His confession isn’t enough, and while I know what I’m going to say will hurt us both, I can’t seem to hold the words back. “But you didn’t go and seek help. You didn’t tell anyone. You were twenty-five, an adult, someone who the town liked, from a family it respected. You didn’t go for help.” I stomp off. “I’ll see you around.”

“No. No way. You are not ending this. We’ve only just got it right—together. I fucked up. I know that. I had to live with the fact that him threatening to do the same to me was enough to silence me. I was a coward, and I live with that every day.”

I deflate even further. I have no more fight left in me. Why am I the only one hurting and holding on to the hatred of what is just a building? Just bricks and mortar, lathe and plaster in some areas. It’s so old and not worth my fury. Ben’s not the one at fault. “I’m sorry, and you’re right. I need to be alone for a while if that’s okay, but I’ll come to the coffee shop for breakfast.”

“Can I walk back with you to get Hope?”

I nod, and we walk side by side. I don’t know which of us reached first, but soon we’re holding hands.

The next day, the weather turns back into a wet and windy dismal day, disrupting any plans for a leisurely walk to the coffee shop, then a walk on the beach to feel less guilty for the decadent breakfast Ben is bound to make me. It also would have been a great way to clear my head from the demons and nightmares I had throughout the night. I would’ve preferred a sleepless night to the one I had with dreams full of the past.

Never mind. I grab Isla’s lead and my phone, and we get into the Landie as quickly as possible. Isla still manages to shake water everywhere as soon as she’s buckled in. I shake my head. We drive into town, then struggle to find somewhere to park. Everyone else has the same idea as me. Eventually, I find one close enough to the café not to get too wet. The windows are steamed up, but I can still see how busy it is inside.

The door opens, and a couple with a young child walk out. Maybe there’ll be a table free. With luck, it’s a corner table, and I can let Isla sit under the table without getting in anyone’s way. When I look around, I recognise a few people. They all give me a nod or a hello. I feel good, comfortable. I’m accepted and, seemingly, liked as well. Maeve waves her fork, a square of French toast speared on the tines. She really is obsessed with it. My mouth waters at the sight of it, so maybe it will be on my order too.

Ben steps out from the counter and weaves through the tables to reach me, a tense edge to his expression I put there. I stand to greet him and ease his mind by popping a chaste kiss on his lips. His smile lights up his face, and his shoulders relax. “Hi,” he says softly. “What can I get you?”

“Surprise me. I know everything will be amazing. And some bacon for Isla.” I gesture at my dog, who’s excitedly whipping her tail from side to side.

“I will, and I’ll get some coffee sent over. Oh, have you heard about the attempted break-in at the doctor’s? The police think they were after the meds. Be careful with the surgery. You could be the next target. I wouldn’t be surprised if you get a visit from the police.”

Worry floods me at the thought of my practice being broken into. The drugs are all kept strictly under lock and key and never in large quantities. I learnt that the hard way in Edinburgh when we were robbed. The city, just like all cities, has a huge drug problem amongst the homeless. That was the reason I befriended Roddy so he’d always have an open door if he needed it, a safe place if he felt tempted to take anything again.

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