Page 63 of Fated In Ruin

Iwoke to Blake’s snoring, the softness of my own sheets and blankets, sunlight pouring in, the warmth from our bodies nestled together, and for a minute, everything was absolutely perfect before reality wormed its ugly way back in.

My remaining aches and scrapes were trivial, given how eagerly my guilt rushed back into place, the memory of Malachi, the night we’d spent together, the taste of his blood…the fact I’d betrayed the male sleeping beside me, his arms cradling me gently, even in sleep.

Who was so goddamned beautiful, he took my breath away.

An angel fallen out of the heavens, straight into my bed, with his dark eyelashes curved against his golden skin, that swath of inky black hair flopped over one perfectly cut cheekbone. Blake was more than I deserved. He was good and kind and noble, and…

I’d ruined everything.Everything.

I’d thrown our entire future away, and for what?

In the cold light of dawn, none of my reasoning seemed to hold water, that urgent sense ofinevitabilityso far removed, I couldn’t hardly even remember what that urgency had felt like.

And caving in so readily to that post-feeding haze of desire…I was fuckingstrongerthan that.

I was in a sleeveless shirt and panties, my hair braided just the way I liked it, and my pillows were perfectly fluffed beneath my head, which only made me feel worse. Blake took good care of me last night, made sure I had everything I needed, and now I was going to break his damn heart.

“You’re thinking awfully loud over there, little slayer. Care to share?”

I hadn’t even noticed the snoring had stopped, and my heart slammed against my ribcage, thrashing like a caged monster. I squeezed my eyes shut as I struggled to find my voice…only to find I couldn’t speak a single word out loud.

There is something I have to tell you, Blake.

A dark chill rippled down the mating bond like a premonition and that sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach threatened to swallow me whole.

You can tell me anything, Evie. You can trust me.

I know, it’s just… I rolled over, so I stared directly into his eyes, searching their depths for forgiveness for the crime I’d committed.

Atonement, Malachi had called this, but atonement was like being wrapped in barbed wire and burned at the stake, all while inflicting pain on the male I loved.

I hadn’t fed since before the attack, since the night the three of us were together. Blake’s brows drew together as if he was doing the math, followed by a flash of realization at how long ago that night had been.

I…forgot. There was too much going on, what with my memory loss and all the pressure you were under and Riordan, putting out fires and trying to find allies. Then…I used so much energy the night of the attack, holding that portal open.

Blake’s traced his hand down the side of my face, dragging my tears with his fingers, frowning at whatever he saw.

I should have thought of your needs, Evie. That is my responsibility, to take care of you, to…

I shook my head, tears spilling freely now.None of this is your fault, this is mine… I sucked in a shaky breath that didn’t come close to filling my aching lungs as I pushed away from him, until a wash of cool air swept between us.

I fed from Malachi. And then I slept with him. I have no excuse for my behavior. None. I never wanted to hurt you, Blake, and I know how unforgivable this is. I made a terrible mistake and you have every right to hate me, and I’ll leave today, I’ll find somewhere to go. I betrayed your trust, and I…

“Evie.”

The sound of his voice—deep and commanding and gruff—yanked me out of my frantic, downward spiral.

“Stop. I can feel your pain through the bond and you’re still healing and…” he blew out a heavy breath. “I don’t hate you. Ican’t hate you. And if you think I’ll let you walk out of here, after I’ve just gotten you back...” He wrapped his arms around me like he was afraid I might make a break for it, and tears spilled down my face until all I tasted was salt.

I planted my palms against his chest and peered at him.I should give you time to think about this. Maybe…I could go to Fiona’s, give you some space. A few days to decide.

“I’m never letting you go, so you can stop with that line of thinking. Your home is with me. No matter what, I am yours.” He pressed his lips to my forehead so gently, all my guilt and regret spilled over into an unstoppable torrent of heaving sobs.

I didn’t deserve kindness. I certainly didn’t deservehim.

“Shhhh, don’t cry, love. These past three days were the longest of my entire life. You aren’t going anywhere. We’ll figure this out, because you leaving is not an option.”

“I don’t understand.”

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