Page 158 of His Virgin Romance Series

CHAPTER6

Abby

I wokeup to the hazy memory of a faded dream. In the dream, I had been running from a huge black wolf. At first, I seemed to be getting away from the beast, but my legs kept getting heavier and heavier until I was frozen in place with the wolf fast approaching. He was just about to gobble me whole when I realized that I was in a different place altogether and the wolf had disappeared.

I looked around, and it took me a moment before I recognized the broken shingles, faded paint, and rusty door from the house I had grown up in. Everything looked the same, but nothing felt the same. I walked up to the house and looked at it, hoping to find some connection, some tiny iota of sentimentality. But all I had was a sinking feeling of doom.

A woman walked out of the front door and looked at me like I was a stranger. She was not wrong. I was a stranger to her. Giving birth to someone doesn’t necessarily mean you know that person. A shadow moved past her suddenly, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. That same feeling of doom was upon me, and this time, it was imminent. Before the shadow could step into the light, my fear woke me up.

I sat up in bed and realized that I wasn’t back home at all. I was in my half-brother’s motorcycle clubhouse surrounded by a bunch of unfamiliar men who were forced to protect me because their president had a point to prove. I still didn’t know what that point was, but I had a feeling I was about to.

I dressed quickly and went downstairs. I was early, but I didn’t care. I figured it would take me a while to get my bearings, and I didn’t want to give Ryder any more reasons to criticize me. I had been living in the clubhouse for four days now, and I still couldn’t figure him out.

Was he the strong and no-nonsense leader? Was he a renegade outlaw with a shady past? Was he a complicated person with a checkered conscience? Or was he just a broken man trying to cover up his flaws? I had no idea. There were moments when he looked at me when I felt something stir deep inside my soul. There were other moments when he made my stomach turn with disgust. The only thing that was consistent, however, was the knowledge that I was deeply and intrinsically attracted to him. And that told me that I needed to stay as far away from him as possible.

After that first night when we had shared that explosively passionate kiss, there had been no physical contact between us. We had come close a couple of times, but we had managed to maintain the somewhat grey boundaries.

I knew he wanted me. That was evident from the way his eyes traveled over my body as though he wanted to devour me whole. But I had heard the men talk, and even without talk, there could be no denying that Ryder was not the kind of man who liked to keep a woman around for any length of time. Not that I wanted to stick around… but I also didn’t want to put myself in the same position I had gotten into with Walter. I didn’t believe Ryder would hurt me like that… but I also wasn’t willing to rule out the possibility either. After all, he was just another stranger to me.

I found Devon downstairs with Bones. Bones gave me a nod and then walked out to see to his motorcycle. Devon hung back and followed me into the kitchen.

“Ryder told me he was going to be training you from today onwards,” he said.

“That’s right,” I nodded. “I was against it at first, but I’ve changed my mind.”

Devon didn’t offer an opinion on my change of heart. Instead, he nodded once and turned to leave.

“Devon?” I said, calling out after him.

He stopped at the door and turned his face in my direction.

“What was Dad like?” I asked.

Devon raised his eyebrows. “I don’t know why I would know more than you.”

“You would actually,” I said. “Every time Dad visited me, he talked about you.”

Devon seemed surprised by that. “He did?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I think he was always disappointed I wasn’t a boy. He just spent a lot of time telling me what we could be doing if I had been born a boy.”

Devon snorted in derisive laughter and shook his head. “Trust me, it wouldn’t have made a fucking difference. Dad was a shitty father whether you were a boy or a girl.”

“But you knew him better than I did—”

“Then you’re the luckier one,” Devon said. “He was a loser. He could never hold a job. He would come and visit me just so that he could swindle me out of whatever I had earned that month.”

“Still beats having a drug addict for a mother,” I said. “Loser actually sounds pretty nice in comparison.”

Devon took a few steps towards me. We never really spoke about our mothers. We never really spoke about anything too deep with one another. Our relationship had always been surface deep, and neither one of us had ever tried for more. The realization that Devon was the only family member who had really ever made an attempt to help me made me want to make more of an effort with him.

“How often did she use?” Devon asked.

“Almost every day,” I replied. “She smoked pot a lot, which was manageable. Heroin and cocaine were the nightmare drugs though. She hated to get high alone, so we always had visitors.”

“Men?”

“Mostly,” I nodded.

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