“We all have our shit,” Devon agreed. “It’s just some of our baggage is heavier than others.”
“I know you don’t approve.”
“Does it even matter?” Devon asked. “Ryder made it clear that I’m to stay out of his business, and I’m sure you feel the same way.”
“I do,” I nodded. “I’m not looking for approval or advice. I just want… someone to talk to. I didn’t really have that before.”
Devon smiled. “Me neither.”
“Just out of curiosity… if I were to ask you for your advice?” I said, glancing at him shyly. “What would you say?”
He smiled. “I would say… trust your gut and go with your instincts.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “That’s the best you’ve got?”
“Sorry,” he laughed. “I’m not really good with romantic advice. None of us are really. I’ll just say one thing.”
“Ok?”
“I’ve known Ryder a long time,” Devon told me. “And I’ve never seen him with the same woman twice. He’s never been interested in relationships, and he’s always been honest about that.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“That being said… he’s been a little… different lately.”
I looked up. “What do you think that means?”
“I have no idea,” Devon said. “It could mean anything. I don’t know the exact reason for this change. All I know is that I started to notice it after you moved in here. Interpret that how you want.”
I nodded. “Thanks, bro.”
He smiled. “You deserve the life you want, Abby,” he said as he made his way to the kitchen. “You just need to figure out what that is.”
“You don’t think this lifestyle is suited to me, do you?” I asked because I actually happened to care what he thought.
“No, I don’t,” Devon replied. “But I also thought you wouldn’t last in this house for more than a week. I thought you’d want out the moment you stepped foot in here, so really, what the hell do I know?”
I smiled and went back up to my bedroom to ruminate on my uncertain future and my lingering feelings for a man I knew I couldn’t have. I looked around this room that had become my home, and I realized that it didn’t feel as claustrophobic as it had when I first walked into it. Now there was a level of comfort that pervaded through it. Or maybe it was just that I felt safe here, and I was mistaking that for comfort.
I sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed. Would it feel strange to leave? Would it hurt? I really wondered. So much of my life had changed in such a short space of time. I had changed, and that would leave a lasting impact. Was I the kind of girl who could stay in this town and live looking back over my shoulder every day? Or was I the kind of girl who would just leave all the questions behind and make a new life for myself someplace where I could re-write my story?
I was still thinking when my door opened. I gasped and stood up in surprise. Everyone always knocked first before they entered. I was taken aback by the intrusion on my privacy. I calmed down a little when I saw Ryder standing there. He was wearing dark trousers and a cutaway shirt that showed off his tattooed arms and the beautiful definition of his muscles.
His face was serious, and when I glanced at his eyes, I saw they were hungry… intense and filled with want. For a moment I was concerned, and I took a step towards him.
“Ryder,” I whispered his name. “Is everything all right?”
He closed the door without even turning around. He kept his eyes trained on me. Before I could think, he had grabbed me and pulled me against his body. I slammed into him with unexpected force, and I felt another little gasp escape me. Before I could recover, his lips had come down over mine, and he was kissing me passionately, heatedly... there was something much like anger in the way he kissed me.
I felt his hands travel over my body, tearing at my clothes like some starved animal without actually removing them. He turned, with me in his arms and pushed me up against the wall. I felt his hands slide up my skirt. A second later, his fingers hooked into the waistline of my panties and with one clear yank, he had ripped them right off, and I couldn’t even bring myself to care.
He shoved himself inside me, and I could feel how severe his erection was. He shot right up inside me, and I realized that he had gone as deep as it was possible to go. I could feel my gasps turn into moans and screams, but this time I had absolutely no control. The intensity of his lips and hands and thrust made it impossible for me to maintain any sense of calm.
I knew that if I wasn’t careful, the boys would be able to hear us, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to concentrate hard enough to keep the screams from escaping. He wasn’t gentle or slow or calm or soft this time. This time he was ravenous and passionate and violent… and I realized just how arousing this type of sex was. I could understand why people craved it. I could understand now… having experienced it what it was really about.
It was about wanting the other person so much that you couldn’t keep your hands off them. It was about unadulterated lust and desire and carnal pleasure. And it was special because you could only ever experience this type of desire once or twice in your life with a handful of people. This kind of connection didn’t happen every day. It wasn’t common. It was unique and special, and it was meant for only a chosen few who happened to make the right connection.
He fucked me so hard that for a second, I wondered if it was possible for a woman to split in two. It was a giddy moment of hysteria that was mixed in with so much pleasure that I realized that if indeed I did break into two, I wouldn’t mind in the least.